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Feminism is NOT male bashing - please correct this perception. Men can be feminist allies too, very effectively. Here's how.
Feminism is NOT male bashing – please correct this perception. Men can be feminist allies too, very effectively. Here’s how.
While many are still busy shifting blames, there are men who are not blind to their privilege. Men who are owning up to their mistakes and genuinely want to know how they can be better and help womxn. I see you and this is for you.
Gender equality is not just a womxn’s issue. Men who continue to be silent and keep being benefited from the systemic oppression of womxn are part of the problem.
Educate them, there are a lot of times they might not know any better.
Stereotypical gender roles harm men too. They ask men to be always as strong as a rock, generalize men to be highly sexual and aggressive beings. Lose the toxicity, seek love and don’t be afraid of cry.
Stop justifying harassment by past trauma or child sexual abuse, seek help instead.
If one of your friends has been called out as a perpetrator, do not enable their behavior. Question them, hold your bro accountable. Sexual harassers of any gender do not deserve your empathy.
Don’t respect women because they are related to you, respect women because they are a human beings and they deserve it. Respect is a basic right.
Show empathy to survivors, believe them. It takes courage to stand up and talk about harassment. Do not shove the fake-allegations-propaganda on every survivor story. Stop shutting down womxn by saying, ‘Don’t ruin their careers’ which basically means you value men’s careers more than womxn’s lives.
Laying down your male privilege is listening to womxn without arguing, interrogating, dismissing or gaslighting them. Stop shutting down survivor stories by saying men face problems too, men get raped too or my favorite ‘Not All Men’ trope.
Men do face problems, no one denied that. That is a legit issue and deserves a separate conversation. One doesn’t need to belittle or invalidate someone else’s trauma for theirs to be heard.
Stop measuring trauma on a scale.
You cannot quantify a traumatic experience, so please stop telling people this wasn’t a big deal or ‘come on, get over it’. You don’t tell someone ‘he didn’t mean to do that’. When you say that in my mind it translates to, ‘Oh, I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to cost you irreversible trauma that will take you years to get over or even a lifetime to heal from.’ Please don’t do that!
The regressive concept of ‘friendzone’ demeans platonic friendships with womxn. Drop the word out of your dictionary altogether and make more platonic bonds.
Learn to respect a womxn and her boundaries even when there is no possibility of sex, romance or emotional labor.
Listen to survivor stories, #metoo testimonies and first-hand experiences. They are more important than any knowledge that you acquired on these subjects. Create a safe space for more open conversations like these.
Jokes that dehumanize us, objectify us and normalize our oppression are not funny. They only serve the perpetrators by intensifying rape culture and legitimizing sexual violence towards women using humor as a shield.
It is her battle, do not forget that. Do not speak for her, support her enough so she can speak for herself. Empower the womxn in your own houses and friend circles. Don’t hijack her movement.
Dear men, your allyship to the Feminist movement is not easy. It will require your constant and conscious effort to question oneself and those around you.
First published here.
Ghazal Khanna is a confessional poet, writer, and educator. She started writing at the tender age of 10 and first got published at the age of 12 in local magazines and newspapers. Her work has read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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