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Why do we compare 'motherhoods' or decide that someone is the most sacrificing mother? What are we trying to prove by comparing our struggles and to whom?
Why do we compare ‘motherhoods’ or decide that someone is the most sacrificing mother? What are we trying to prove by comparing our struggles and to whom?
I was aimlessly scrolling up the feed when a comment grabbed my attention. Not surprisingly, this happened because the post was about a person I have always held in high esteem – Sushmita Sen.
A woman had put it across quite bluntly that Sushmita Sen knows nothing about motherhood sacrifices because she hasn’t given birth to her daughters. She mentioned categorically that it starts from when the embryo is formed and all Sushmita Sen has done is give a good life to adopted kids, making it sound like a cakewalk.
As they say, there is prudence in not reacting to all the noise on social media but this was not just a random, ludicrous comment. While I did respond to the woman stating that her comment was not just insensitive but also disrespectful to mothers who have adopted a child, I realised that this thought in reality is reflective of the mindset harboured by many people in our society.
I wonder if motherhood is a race? Are we in it to seize the trophy of the most sacrificing mother? What are we trying to prove by comparing our struggles and to whom?
It begins with propagating the idea that true motherhood is experienced only when you conceive which is why there is still a blistering stigma around infertility. Once you have a bun in the oven, then natural delivery becomes the real deal and if you have undergone a C-section, you have had it easy.
No, it doesn’t end just here. There is the ‘breastfeeding versus formula milk’ war setup for you soon after and this list is a never ending one. It’s almost like ticking off boxes that cater to the flawed, systemic idea of motherhood.
To me, the beauty of motherhood is actually in its uniqueness. It is a shared experience with a child and hence, distinctive and individual in its very essence.
A mother is not defined by adversity. A mother is not defined by the level of pain she can endure. A mother is not defined by biology. A mother is defined by her emotions. A mother is defined by her nurturing instincts. A mother is defined by her endeavour to pull out all stops for her child’s growth and welfare. She tries and falters, only to get up and try again. This is what it is. This is what matters.
As a society, can we please rise above the ‘adjectives’ to define the ‘noun’ in question here? A mother is a mother is a mother.
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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