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It's crazy how men have a bro code where they will not hit on any girl seen "taken" but won't respect a woman's autonomy unless she really gives it back!
It’s crazy how men have a bro code where they will not hit on any girl seen “taken” but won’t respect a woman’s autonomy unless she really gives it back!
That’s a very common questionnaire line you come across as a female while chatting with a stranger male on an online platform.
~ Do you have a boyfriend? ~ Are you married? ~ Are you in a relationship? ~ Are you engaged?
In our country, the mindset of people is that if a girl is not engaged, then they have a right to hit on her with their cheesy pick-up lines. And people don’t stop merely at these pickup lines. It can get serious, and these stalkers can end up blackmailing you to get into a relationship, even threatening suicide. Their desperation becomes so obvious with time.
As I mentioned, the desperation becomes obvious only with time. So I’d suggest people take a precautionary step to stay away from such jerks, considering my really bad past experience with someone like that.
You can be online on a job search portal such as Linkedin, or a social media portal such as Facebook and you’re responding to these random people in the hope to land a good job or to get good publicity for your blog.
I am very active on LinkedIn and I love talking to random people when they come up with appreciation, or suggestions for my blog ideas or my new venture. I came across Mr. Jerk who disguised his intentions behind an appreciation for my latest video. I felt flattered. And then the next questions were those I have mentioned earlier.
I asked him, why does it matter to him, whether I am married/engaged or in a relationship.
He answered, “I would close my options to hit on you saving myself a good amount of time since you’re already taken.”
Woah! Is that what they think of females? If you’re taken, then you’re not an option for them. In men’s language, this is called, brotherhood. They don’t hit on their friend’s girlfriend. I was amazed to find this brotherhood concept to be followed nationwide.
I gave him a very apt answer to his questions. But fortunately or unfortunately, I shared the same instance with my boyfriend. He was infuriated with the number of people hitting on me online and offline on a daily basis. In an attempt to protect me, he asked me Mr. Jerk’s ID, so that he could give him a nice talk.
My boyfriend’s response amazed me further. I responded something like this to him:
“You know very well, I am a very private person. I don’t like to disclose my relationship with people. Married or unmarried, I would prefer to be asked of my interests. I am not known by my boyfriend’s or husband’s name. I have my own identity and I would prefer to keep it. I have already responded to him well and I prefer to fight my own battles. If you come to my rescue, people like Mr. Jerk would continue to ask the same thing in order to avoid such conflicts. Instead, they need to learn that if a girl is single/married, and she is not interested in a relationship with a stranger, then be it, and they need to respect that decision. Period.”
Probably, this little incident was learning for my boyfriend too. And respect is not only earned, but it’s a struggle with your loved ones and the rest of the world.
Also, whether I really had a boyfriend or this is a fictional character depends on your judgment. I am a private person and I am happy to keep it that way.
Image source: Still from Bollywood movie Pyaar Ka Punchnama 2
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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