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From blaming herself to finding reasons for their behaviour, she had analysed everything and came to the conclusion that there was no compatibility between her parents.
Jeevni heard her parents quarrel again. She closed the doors of her room, thinking for the umpteenth time, what could have gone wrong between her parents…
As any arranged marriage in those times, they had a proper horoscope match before tying the knot. If only she could meet those so-called future telling astrologers now…
Was it something that she did or was it something she had said, she could not understand. From the time she could remember, her parents have always quarrelled. The reason could be something as insignificant as Jeevni having a lollipop. They would start blaming each other for spoiling their only child and that she had a sweet tooth inherited from the other side of the family!
Jeevni had tried to end it all one day. She was ten years old then. She told her best friend Ishna that she wanted to die as her parents’ constant quarrelling was making her go crazy. She somehow felt responsible for their fights. Ishna took her friend to her house and they both watched TV, had popcorn and chocolates and when Ishna’s mother returned from work in the evening, she called her parents to pick her. Jeevni got an earful for going to her friend’s place without her parents’ permission. The second time, Jeevni decided not to tell anyone. After school, she decided that instead of heading home, she would walk in another direction. And lo, she landed right in front of her father!
She realised that she could not kill herself…it was too painful. She just shut herself from everyone. That was easier. She grew up into being a loner, lacking confidence and basically a shy individual, having difficulty in expressing her feelings.
From blaming herself to finding reasons for their behaviour, she had analysed everything and came to the conclusion that there was no compatibility between her parents. She gathered enough courage and one day, told them to separate! At least they would live in peace if they were away from each other.
Her parents were shocked. They had held on to the thin support of being a family through Jeevni and now she only told them to separate.
Her parents started blaming her, saying she was the reason they had put up with each other and now she was being selfish. Jeevni had had enough of their mean talks and blame games. She could not take it anymore. She broke down in front of them and told them to stop.
Her parents’ relationship reflected in all her relationships. She had trouble making friends, bonding with cousins and other relatives. She could not bring herself to trust anyone. Now, she was in love with a man but was too scared to tell him or respond to anyone who showed any interest in her.
Can her parents’ ‘troubled’ marriage be considered an example for Jeevni to refuse a chance to be loved and love someone or can she ever have a ‘normal’ married life learning from her parents’ mistakes…?
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