What actions should HR and business leaders take to curb mental harassment at work? Share your thoughts.
I think I’ve felt more maternal towards a dog I am sure I can return to its owners once it’s done a shit than an actual baby with the same contract.
I have no idea how to hold a baby. They’ve always scared me so I’ve just done a pretty good job of avoiding them so far. I refused to go near my nephew until he turned three. And he started to seem like less of a dropping hazard and more of a liability and therefore slightly easier handle.
But now he’s 14 years old, and easily one of my favourite family members and sends me memes I’ve already seen regularly. My maternal instincts towards him (that every woman should supposedly have) are zero to none.
I don’t know if this is due to my own mother’s stringent parenting approach and reluctancy to humour the damsel in distress narrative. Or because we shouldn’t generalise every single woman on the planet to want the same thing from life – a baby.
A baby, preferably with a husband because having one out of wedlock will lead to becoming a social pariah. And might even lead the society referring to your child as a bastard like in Peaky Blinders, set in 1919. On a brighter note, the man in question will be totally fine and not expected to deal with the consequences of his actions at all.
This is probably one of the oldest double standards in the patriarchy. Especially the bit that gives political leaders (without vagina’s) the authority to implement laws and restrictions over what women can and cannot do- with their bodies.
On a surface level the laws, restrictions and campaigns aim to preserve the sanctity of life. But when you look below the belt, it comes across as a manipulative way to dismiss freedom of choice and police women’s bodies. Don’t you sometimes wonder if this would be the case if men got pregnant?
The self-deprecating ‘just’ in ‘I am just a Dad’ wouldn’t exist and the title ‘stay-at-home-father’ would be celebrated as a full-blown profession. And time, money, and resources will be put towards making a contraceptive pill that doesn’t make you feel like you have acute depression.
Abortions would be handed out for free with a complimentary Xanax or homegrown weed for your trouble! President Trump would tweet about freedom of choice and men’s rights to their own bodies.
Although, in this paradox, two things would stay intact: firstly society’s habit of brushing aside the actions of badly behaved men with a classic ‘boys will be boys.’
And secondly, girls will still be expected to take sole responsibility and quietly accept the consequences of a boy’s actions. This will be done throughout their teens and then in their early 20’s they will be celebrated for being ‘mature.’
As if it was all the years of double standards and trauma that paved way to create our heightened levels of maturity! Are women naturally more caring or is this just an enforced gender stereotype we’ve all spent centuries adapting to? Our society relies on gender norms to ensure that a regulated decorum is followed throughout the world.
Do even the most reluctant of women eventually have an epiphany that releases all of their maternal instincts they supposedly always had? But if everyone has an epiphany about the same thing, it no longer seems like an epiphany and more like mass manipulation.
Do you think our mothers were actually ready to have a baby? Or were they just pushing 30 and got tired of everyone questioning their fertility? Are these appropriate grounds to push a watermelon out of your vagina and be its primary carer till it turns 18?
I’m not an anti-natalist, I think it’s important to celebrate and support mothers. At the same time, I also think it is important to shift the narrative by normalising the idea that a baby might not be end game for every woman.
Especially if there is potential for them to turn out like Raphael Samuel. He is a Mumbai-based businessman who sued his parents for giving birth to him without his consent. And argues that he was unleashed into an unwarranted amount of suffering. There is an element of truth in his (slightly flawed) belief system because on some days, I do see where he is coming from.
Everyone always says we need to make the world a better place for our children. But one of the best ways to achieve this is, by focusing our attention towards the children living below the poverty line right now. The other thing is removing stigma often associated with avenues such as adoption, fostering and surrogacy (unless it’s a dodgy black market deal).
But we can also normalise the idea that some women are content being the cool aunt with the questionable amount of money. The one who makes a point to start day drinking as soon as the afternoon school run starts.
A version of this was earlier published here.
Picture credits: Still from Bollywood movie Piku
@itsscripted_ read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
I wanted to scream with excitement that my daughter chose to write about her ambition and aspirations over everything else first. To me, this was one of those parenting 'win' moments.
My daughter turned eight years old in January, and among the various gifts she received from friends and family was an absolutely beautiful personal journal for self-growth. A few days ago, she was exploring the pages when she found a section for writing a letter to her future self. She found this intriguing and began jotting down her thoughts animatedly.
My curiosity piqued and she could sense it immediately. She assured me that she would show me the letter soon, and lo behold, she kept her word.
I glanced at her words, expecting to see a mention of her parents in the first sentence. But, to my utter delight, the first thing she had written about was her AMBITION. Yes, the caps here are intentional because I want to scream with excitement that my daughter chose to write about her ambition and aspirations over everything else first. To me, this was one of those parenting ‘win’ moments.
Uorfi Javed has been making waves through social media, and is often the target of trolls. So who and what exactly is this intriguing young woman?
Uorfi Javed (no relation to Javed Akhtar) is a name that crops up in my news feeds every now and again. It is usually because she got trolled for being in some or other ‘daring’ outfit and then posting those images on social media. If I were asked, I would not be able to name a single other reason why she is famous. I am told that she is an actor but I would have no frankly no clue about her body of work (pun wholly unintended).
So is Urfi Javed (or Uorfi Javed as she prefers) famous only for being famous? How does she impact the cause of feminism by permitting herself to be objectified, trolled, reviled?
Please enter your email address