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The woes of matrimony! Finding the right man who's woke enough is a task! But here we have three major red flags for you to run away from if you see them!
The woes of matrimony! Finding the right man who’s woke enough is a task! But here we have three major red flags for you to run away from if you see them!
There is a constant acquisition that Indian men look for a well-educated, good-looking, decent, family girl who can make round rotis. For the uninitiated, this may sound alarming, but, trust me, no Indian girl finds it even remotely disturbing.
We know this is how it works and have no qualms moving on without wasting a second. In my honest opinion, the above ad is at least straight forward, though problematic. It, at least, warns women beforehand.
But, there are a lot of ‘educated’ men from ‘decent families’ men who have perfectly mastered the art of masquerading their sexism as woke-ness. This is where women get confused since they are always trained to see any remote resemblance of good as benevolence.
So, this piece is basically to alert my fellow sisters from such latent sexism and to swipe away at the first chance they get. And, to my fellow Indian men, let me tell you, we are indeed aware of your silly tactics.
It is okay to want a working woman and be honest about it. But, make sure it is conveyed properly.
“We are looking for an ambitious, career-oriented, financially independent girl” – X
“Yes, we will let the girl work after marriage” No and no! Who the hell are you to ‘let’ her?
We are looking for a girl who works. I will cook, clean and manage the house equally – Well, hello equality!
This is how they convey that looks don’t matter.
“I am not bothered about the girl’s complexion, looks or background” – Hell No!
If you are really ‘woke’ you need not distinguish it specifically in the first place. Basically, you have to just SHUT UP on this one.
Only two percent of Indian men qualify the ‘handsome’ standard they set themselves. Yet, most Indian girls never openly say they are not bothered about the man’s looks, even if they are. Simply because it is rude to distinguish the good and bad (?) looking ones, especially if you claim to be ‘woke’.
Guess what is more horrid than being an open casteist person? Writing this statement unabashedly on your profile!
“We are very liberal. We don’t care about your caste or community” – X
Caste, community, gender (if applicable) No bar – As simple as that.
Well, there are other ‘important’ criteria like ‘looking for a traditional girl,’ a ‘homely adjusting girl,’ a ‘girl interested in cooking,’ a ‘funny girl,’ you name it and it is there! And dealing with all that, honestly, is beyond my and this blog’s scope. But dear women, if you see any of these three red flags or their variations, run for your lives! You KNOW these are the ones to run from!
A version of this was first published here.
Picture credits: YouTube
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
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14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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