Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Dads too have a right to being a parent - can we have baby care rooms in public spaces that are accessible to Indian fathers too, please?
Dads too have a right to being a parent – can we have baby care rooms in public spaces that are accessible to Indian fathers too, please?
Voices are heard only if they are raised…and here I want to raise mine. Maybe, many would consider this to be a trivial issue and write it off, but when it is about a child, (my baby in this case), I just cannot afford to ‘zip my lips’ and ‘somehow adjust’ to the so-called parameters that has already been set, and things shabbily worked around them.
Hence, I refuse to stay silent. I choose to speak. I choose to raise my voice!
I have a very simple question to ask. Can there be a changing table for babies in both female and male toilets please? Or a separate baby room in all the public places which can be used by any parent irrespective of their gender? Is it possible in India too? Or am I asking for too much?
So, this happened last year when we visited India. One day, my husband came home infuriated, and he was on a non-stop ranting mode.
He had gone out with my 2 year old daughter to do some shopping in the mall. After my baby passed a motion, he could not find any proper/separate baby changing room.
I’m talking about one of the biggest metropolitan city of India i.e. Kolkata. And the only one which he could locate was inside the ladies toilet. He searched the length and breadth of the mall, and brought this matter to the authority (“Abhi kya kar sakte hai sir, aisa hi hai!! Aap website par complain daal do.” What can we do, sir, you can register a complaint on their website!) which we did eventually…but alas! The poor chap was really stressed out.
Anyhow, he managed. There were a few people who got uncomfortable watching my husband cleaning the baby; some even asked where is the baby’s mom??? Sigh!!! There were of course a few sweet ones who asked if he needed any help.
So as I said, somehow he managed. Because this is what we are supposed to do when things are beyond our control, right? ADJUST – that’s the most convenient word, isn’t it?
This thought provoking incident made us realise how staying in Singapore with our baby had our minds conditioned. We believed that changing tables for babies are a basic thing, and it’s accessibility is obvious in every prominent place.
But No! Here, home in India, it is still a ‘thing’, or possibly a changing table in the Men’s toilet is unthinkable for many.
Isn’t it the duty of both the parents to give their children the much-needed safety and care at this critical juncture of their life? Just imagine the restlessness of parents like us who have to fight for this basic amenity, which each and every child of this or any other country of the world deserves.
So, there’s a predominant thought prevailing or rather deeply sowed in the society, that catering to a baby’s essential needs, be it hunger, bathing, cleaning poop is only the mom’s duty, and it is very conveniently presumed that a baby can never be accompanied by Daddy alone. And that dads have no business in cleaning the baby, hence no changing table in Men’s toilet is justified!
Here the very concept of equal parenting dies a slow death…why do we forget that men also have the right to play an equal parenting role? This should not be taken away from them just because the eco-system of the society thinks otherwise. An overall paradigm shift is needed. More men are standing up to their parenting role, and they should be equipped with the basic facilities at least.
Well it all begins from our mindsets.
When a father takes care of the baby or change diapers, or babysits, he is lauded with unmatched appreciation. And when a mom does the same, it is “expected” out of her. She is always under the public gaze, with everyone ready to judge her, criticize her, and subject her to regressive social standards.
The whole thought process needs a complete change. We as a society can flourish much better, if we do away with these gender stereotypes. High time we let the winds of change blow, let the voices be heard, let us all stand tall and equal!!
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: shutterstock
She is an enthusiast who loves donning several caps. She is an Anchor, Voice-artist & a Radio-Jockey by Profession, who likes exploring into her strengths and writing is one of them. She believes in read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
Please enter your email address