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A relationship should be based on mutual give and take. It becomes toxic when it is a one way street, with one person bearing all the emotional labour for both.
Thank you for remembering me only when you’re drunk for texting me only when you are lonely and calling me only when you are bored
While you don’t explicitly say it, it is understood
And while I don’t say anything to you, let it be known that you hurt me every time
I refuse to be your hobby and pastime And I refuse to be your agony aunt
Leave me alone and let me be I have too many of my own demons to fight on my own to think about yours
And why should I shoulder your responsibilities anyway? What exactly do you have to offer? Apart from quick sex and a quick friendship?
Talk to me about my work, about your work, about your dreams, desires and aspirations about our future together
Make me your priority and I will make you mine Treat me like an option, and watch me leave you at the drop of a hat
I am tired of being taken advantage of of not being taken seriously and having my emotional labour exploited
I am putting my foot down, here and now once and for all
Call me selfish, call me moody and call me rude I don’t care For I value myself too much to be taken for granted by you
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: unsplash
Kanav is, as of June 2021, pursuing his Master's in Development from Azim Premji University, Bangalore. He identifies as queer for personal and political reasons and can be contacted via https://www.linkedin.com/ read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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