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From someone who earned her own living to someone who depended on her husband for the smallest of things, this woman shares her thoughts.
Wouldn’t it hurt if you had to separate from your financial independence?
I was someone whose bank account was once filled with her own hard-earned money. And thus, transitioning into someone imploring another for a few bucks was unbearable. Be it for household expenses like the monthly groceries or getting my laptop repaired or take a cab or even to buy a hair-clip, asking my husband for money was utterly suffocating.
There were moments when I felt my ego and self-respect taking hits and my anger only flared. During a shopping visit, my husband bought me a kurti after several hushes and disagreements. Ultimately, he wanted me to get something of his choice since, it, of course, was his money. And I had to accept it with shame and some love.
Not having a say in choosing something I would be wearing seemed wrong. But it was fine. Somehow I did not find myself stopping the ‘shopping.’ Being the kind of person I am, I did find my feet walking towards the leggings section to get myself some leggings. All this before my husband finished the billing.
Once I got the leggings, I hurried over to him and handed my pick which he refused to bill and said, “I will get it for you the next time.” My face, at that moment, flushed a deep red in disgruntlement. Or maybe out of my fading self-respect.
And at that moment, a question arose in my mind, ‘Had I been working, would I have faced such a situation?’
Right from doing something for yourself to doing something for your parents or siblings, if you aren’t working, everything needs the husband’s ‘mercy.’ Only when he approves are you free to do what you want to. There is yet another pain- that of people not counting on you to check your availability to plan something out.
If I hadn’t tasted the perks of being an employed woman, I wouldn’t be writing this. I don’t really regret quitting my full-time IT job because it was a well-thought and well-planned decision. However, facing the bitterness of reality is like trying to swallow a handful of bitter-gourd.
A woman who isn’t working is considered to be an unpaid house-management staff whose only purpose is to serve the people. It is all about acting under other people’s orders and directions.
I know what it is like to have a mind of my own and chart out plans. Given that it is considered a sin for the rest and their consent is mandatory at any cost.
Any way, at the end of the day, when you aren’t working, you remain as that puppet of the house. And there is no motivation to keep you going.
Picture credits: Pexels
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Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).