Read our prestigious winners at the 10th Laadli Media Awards, on India’s Low Divorce Rate and The Sexual Violence of Flashing.

Sigh. When I Was Once A Financially Independent Woman…

Posted: December 17, 2019

“Eclectic, interesting…will fill you with hope and resolve!” – Pick up our new short story collection, Women.Mutiny

From someone who earned her own living to someone who depended on her husband for the smallest of things, this woman shares her thoughts.

Wouldn’t it hurt if you had to separate from your financial independence?

I was someone whose bank account was once filled with her own hard-earned money. And thus, transitioning into someone imploring another for a few bucks was unbearable. Be it for household expenses like the monthly groceries or getting my laptop repaired or take a cab or even to buy a hair-clip, asking my husband for money was utterly suffocating.

There were moments when I felt my ego and self-respect taking hits and my anger only flared. During a shopping visit, my husband bought me a kurti after several hushes and disagreements. Ultimately, he wanted me to get something of his choice since, it, of course, was his money. And I had to accept it with shame and some love.

My self respect definitely took a hit

Not having a say in choosing something I would be wearing seemed wrong. But it was fine. Somehow I did not find myself stopping the ‘shopping.’ Being the kind of person I am, I did find my feet walking towards the leggings section to get myself some leggings. All this before my husband finished the billing.

Once I got the leggings, I hurried over to him and handed my pick which he refused to bill and said, “I will get it for you the next time.” My face, at that moment, flushed a deep red in disgruntlement. Or maybe out of my fading self-respect.

And at that moment, a question arose in my mind, ‘Had I been working, would I have faced such a situation?’

I don’t regret it but it is painful

Right from doing something for yourself to doing something for your parents or siblings, if you aren’t working, everything needs the husband’s ‘mercy.’ Only when he approves are you free to do what you want to. There is yet another pain- that of people not counting on you to check your availability to plan something out.

If I hadn’t tasted the perks of being an employed woman, I wouldn’t be writing this. I don’t really regret quitting my full-time IT job because it was a well-thought and well-planned decision. However, facing the bitterness of reality is like trying to swallow a handful of bitter-gourd. 

All I have to do is follow orders

A woman who isn’t working is considered to be an unpaid house-management staff whose only purpose is to serve the people. It is all about acting under other people’s orders and directions.

 I know what it is like to have a mind of my own and chart out plans. Given that it is considered a sin for the rest and their consent is mandatory at any cost.

Any way, at the end of the day, when you aren’t working, you remain as that puppet of the house. And there is no motivation to keep you going.

Picture credits: Pexels

Liked this post?

Register at Women's Web to get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads! Or - get a couple of really cool reads on your phone every day - click here to join our Telegram channel.

Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!

Founder of Sane Bites. "Splashes of Life", a list of five short stories adds to

Learn More

Managing your health when work & home boundaries dissolve with Sucheta Pal - WICA 2020

Comments

Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!

Do you want to be part of a network curated for working women?