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From someone who earned her own living to someone who depended on her husband for the smallest of things, this woman shares her thoughts.
Wouldn’t it hurt if you had to separate from your financial independence?
I was someone whose bank account was once filled with her own hard-earned money. And thus, transitioning into someone imploring another for a few bucks was unbearable. Be it for household expenses like the monthly groceries or getting my laptop repaired or take a cab or even to buy a hair-clip, asking my husband for money was utterly suffocating.
There were moments when I felt my ego and self-respect taking hits and my anger only flared. During a shopping visit, my husband bought me a kurti after several hushes and disagreements. Ultimately, he wanted me to get something of his choice since, it, of course, was his money. And I had to accept it with shame and some love.
Not having a say in choosing something I would be wearing seemed wrong. But it was fine. Somehow I did not find myself stopping the ‘shopping.’ Being the kind of person I am, I did find my feet walking towards the leggings section to get myself some leggings. All this before my husband finished the billing.
Once I got the leggings, I hurried over to him and handed my pick which he refused to bill and said, “I will get it for you the next time.” My face, at that moment, flushed a deep red in disgruntlement. Or maybe out of my fading self-respect.
And at that moment, a question arose in my mind, ‘Had I been working, would I have faced such a situation?’
Right from doing something for yourself to doing something for your parents or siblings, if you aren’t working, everything needs the husband’s ‘mercy.’ Only when he approves are you free to do what you want to. There is yet another pain- that of people not counting on you to check your availability to plan something out.
If I hadn’t tasted the perks of being an employed woman, I wouldn’t be writing this. I don’t really regret quitting my full-time IT job because it was a well-thought and well-planned decision. However, facing the bitterness of reality is like trying to swallow a handful of bitter-gourd.
A woman who isn’t working is considered to be an unpaid house-management staff whose only purpose is to serve the people. It is all about acting under other people’s orders and directions.
I know what it is like to have a mind of my own and chart out plans. Given that it is considered a sin for the rest and their consent is mandatory at any cost.
Any way, at the end of the day, when you aren’t working, you remain as that puppet of the house. And there is no motivation to keep you going.
Picture credits: Pexels
Founder of Sane Bites. "Splashes of Life", a list of five short stories adds to my credit in fictional writing! read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
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