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The author attended a mental health seminar that made her introspect about the people in her life. Here are the people who just might be toxic for you!
The rain came down softly on the young night. And the golden glow of the cafe where I was sitting inside felt like a warm haven for my weary mind. I had just attended a seminar on Mental health that a friend hosted.
Mental health has never been a taboo subject for me but I never realised how relationships affect our mental health until I attended the seminar. The reason why I felt weary after the seminar is because I could see a part of myself in the stories that people spoke about.
These are successful people who are leading a normal and healthy life. They also spoke of how being ignorant about their mental health led them to take wrong decisions and how that affected who they were. All because they trusted their inner voice a little less than they trusted others’ opinion.
We live in a society where blood relations are valued more than anything else. Well, naturally, it seems correct. Who else would you trust more than the people you share your blood with? But not all blood relations (be it a brother, sister, sometimes a partial parent or relatives) can give you a mentally healthy environment.
A woman spoke of how she had siblings who were keen on subconsciously seeing her stay average. All this for she could’ve threatened their exalted status. Her siblings belittled all her achievements, backbit her. What’s more was that they gave her advice she eagerly sought to keep her goals a little less than what she was capable of.
There was also this case where a biased parent led to a man having a low self-esteem because he was always treated like the lesser one.
Friends are the family we choose for ourselves but how many of them truly dance in joy when destiny shines on us? Truly from their hearts?
Well, I heard a case about a woman who asked us to be cautious about who cheers one the loudest when one is winning in life. It is very easy to shower sympathy through words when one is going through a rough patch.
The person you need to look out for is the one who is happy in your happiness and has words backed by actions in times of need. All the rest are simply there to ameliorate your life like trinkets.
The woman who brought this up was surprised to discover the level of jealousy a ‘good friend’ harboured towards her. This was someone she’d been friends with for over a decade.
We are all aware of the ones who use sarcasm for everything. You did well, they are sarcastic in a friendly way. Oh! You ruined your life, they are sarcastic to cheer you up.
These people can be anyone right from your sibling, cousin, friend, or even an acquaintance. It is very important that one keeps these people completely away from one’s life.
At the seminar, another woman brought this up and said because of such people’s influence in her life, she developed a severe inferiority complex. It was so strong, that she had to go through therapy to come out of that phase.
The take away from the seminar kept running in my mind again and again. I could not simply shake it off from my mind. That was because I saw a part of myself somewhere become a little dim because of how I let some trusted people affect me.
I could not help but wonder, where would I have been now had I not doubted myself? Where would I have been if someone gave me this perspective while I was still in school with big dreams and starry eyes?
Well, I definitely would have shone brighter.
Lost in thoughts I grabbed my ‘on the go’ coffee and dinner and walked out in the now soft cold drizzle. I needed something to cleanse my mind of these thoughts, of these people who kept playing in my mind. Thankfully, the cold droplets from heaven fell on me and tugged and cleansed my heart like nothing else could have.
I wondered why people chose not to give love in return of love. Then I wondered why I let these people have the upper hand in my life and decisions.
I analysed situations where, in the past, I would have been right if had just believed in myself.
The lesson came to me late. But how that it has, I wish to share it with everyone who would care to read it. The lesson is to trust yourself- more than you trust people’s opinions. It is to take advice, seek guidance, while being aware of whom you take advice from.
All this will definitely help you write your story in ways you always dreamt of writing.
Picture credits: Pexels
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A Social Media Content Writer by profession. A writer by heart. A genuine foodie. Simple by nature. Love to read, create paintings and cook. Have impossible dreams. At the moment, engaged in making those dreams read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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Shows like Indian Matchmaking only further the argument that women must adhere to social norms without being allowed to follow their hearts.
When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).