We Never Really Leave Home…

A mom of two sons muses on what it means to leave home after marriage, and how we carry the idea of home with us wherever we go.

We never really leave home, we carry it with us on every road and every journey we take. ~ Anonymous

We (My husband, two sons, and I) were on our way to the airport after our annual trip to Delhi during the summer vacations. My in laws were to come a week later.

My younger son who is seven years old asked me “Mamma why did Grandma not join us?” I explained to him that she has to visit her brother who is not keeping well.

“Why do they not stay together?” he asked me again. I explained, “Grandma got married and came to this family,” only to face few more questions.

“Why do girls have to go to the boys home after marriage? Who made this rule?”

Memories of moving cities after marriage

Coming back from parents’ home had already made me emotional. His questions took me down the memory lane 13 and a half years back when my mother tried to convince me to get married and move to Hyderabad.

“But why do I have to leave my job, and move there? Can’t you ask the boy to quit his job and look for some opening in Delhi?” was my argument to her. Moving to a new city with a new life partner, starting a new job, was not easy after all.

After moving to Hyderabad post marriage I felt a part of me was left in Delhi and would look forward to our visits back home. When somebody would ask, “Do you miss Delhi?” I would always say, “I do not miss Delhi… I miss my Family!”

My husband really supported me in this period through his small sweet gestures to make sure I did not miss my family too much.

But a new ‘home’ has been created too

Everything revolves around the kids once they are here, who are our world.

As time passed and we had kids, the quarterly visits to Delhi became once in six months, to now once a year as travel gets aligned to kids’ summer school vacations.

While I try to relive my childhood memories when I am at my parents’ house spending time with them, looking at the old family photo albums, chatting with my sisters, meeting relatives and my childhood friends, there is always a desire to come back to Hyderabad and get back to the usual routine after few days.

I feel that we have created new home for us away from our old home and managed to keep both connected.

While I was still immersed in these thoughts my son’s last question, “So when I grow up and get married can I go and stay at the girl’s house?” left me thinking. How I wish this would have been possible at the time I got married. Being a mother of two sons would I like this to happen, is another question only time will answer!

A version of this was first published here.

Image source: a still from the film Veer Zara

Gunjan Kapoor

Happy Soul, believer in gift called life, avid traveler and explorer, sometimes restless but mostly

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