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A mother shares the things she would like to wish for her 4 year old daughter, sometimes unusual wishes, but happiness, too!
Dear M,
Your birthday is around the corner and I just don’t know what to write this year. But try I will.
As you turn a year older, M, I look back at the past year and realise how many changes you have gone through in the span of a few months.
From shifting from the daycare where you first went in as a 7-month-old baby to adjusting in and loving your new daycare. From starting school to loving it so very much. Learning to ride a bike to sharing your things more than I would like you to. Sometimes trying new foods to making so many new friends. You have done so much in just a year. You, my dear, have accepted and welcomed changes so much better than we adults would have and that I think is one of the best things about this past year, about you.
When you were younger, M, I had these huge and somewhat unrealistic assumptions as a mom. From wanting you to fall in love with books as soon as possible to not giving return gifts on birthday parties. Lofty, I know. But with every passing year, I have realised that sometimes while raising a child you need to adjust to the circumstances, let things fall into place and wait for your kid to learn things on her own while making sure the important tenets remain as they should. What can I say, I have learnt that compromise is a much-needed part of raising a child, of parenting.
Today, as you turn 4, M, I wish for 4 things for you. Well, I wish for more but 4 sounds good for now.
I wish that you wouldn’t share so much.
Now, hear me out. I know you have been taught that sharing is good and it is but when it is done in moderation. This past week while I sat there watching you run behind your new bike while someone else rode it, I wanted to stop it. But you were happy and I didn’t want to destroy that innocence. I fear your generosity and simplicity will be ill-used. And I was right. When you asked the girl who rode your new bike, if you could ride hers, she didn’t give you, did she? And when you asked for your bike before that she kept making you wait.
Well, M, the world is full of such people. So, I just wish you would be more careful. Of course, I have put your dad on this since you don’t listen to anybody’s explanation as you listen to his. Also, I must accept nobody explains it to you like him. So, I’m hopeful.
I wish you stay away from all the forced competition that I see around me.
A couple of days back when you started crying at night saying ‘Mumma, I didn’t win in the reading activity’, I didn’t know what to say. Seeing you cry scared me because I don’t want you to grow up believing that you always need to win or that not winning is not a good thing. I felt that I must have done something wrong that led you to believe that. I just want you to do well, M and not relative to some other kid. I just want YOU to do well.
A couple of years back while watching a program on television about the board results a ‘topper’ said this about her friend who was not a ‘topper’, “I don’t know how it feels to not be a topper. You can ask my friend in the audience, she would know for she always scored around 80 % in her exams.”
M, I don’t want you to be that girl. I don’t want you to be conceited or at the same time feel ashamed or inferior if you don’t fall in the so-called ‘topper’ category.
I wish your parents weren’t such introverts.
Now, I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad wish. The thing is both your parents are introverts, like to stay in and are happy that way. But I also do realise that that might sometimes put you at a disadvantage in terms of mixing with people.
I’m trying though. I’m part of Whatsapp groups now that I wouldn’t have been otherwise just so you don’t miss out on the fun. We’ll see where that leads, won’t we?
And last but not least, I wish that you get all the happiness in the world.
What can I say, it’s a parent thing. I probably can do anything just to keep you happy. Of course, I wouldn’t want to spoil you and heed to all your demands but I wish for you to be happy and lead a comfortable life.
Well, that’s it for now, M. I still have a birthday party to plan. I hope you have fun. And I hope when many years down the line you read this, you call me to say how much you love me.
Happy Birthday, M.
Love, Mumma
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: shutterstock
A working mom who wants to raise a feminist daughter. A book lover who dreams of being an author one day. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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