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Accept them for who they are which will allow you to ignore their opinions.
There are times when people are extremely disrespectful to you.
When they question your efforts and intent even though you have tried to explain that you are doing the best that you can. And it feels even more unpleasant when they are close to you.They genuinely believe that there is something wrong with you because you are not living the way they want you to. Maybe you are not working hard enough or maybe you give up too easily or maybe you are not serious about anything in life. You feel like you can make them change their thinking about you by talking to them or trying to use reason or even showing them the pain that they have caused you with their behaviour but it’s not going to work beyond a point. They may get convinced for some time but soon enough they will come back to hurt you even more because they are who they are and they don’t really want to change what they think about you because either it’s too painful/stressful for them to do so or it’s beyond them for now.The only thing that you can so at that point is to carry in what you are doing and let them day what they want to. It’s not easy but it’s necessary so that you can maintain your sanity.Shut them out of your life partially or completely if needed but do it so that you can focus on what needs to be done.
If they change their ways then good for them or else you need to keep them out of your space because allowing them back in is gonna hurt you even more.At the same time, it’s natural to get angry at them or even hate them but it will only end up hampering your progress. Which in turn will give them an even greater excuse to question your methods again.
Your hate for them will fuel their contempt for you and it will be a constant cycle of negativity which knows no end until one of you puts a stop to it. Forgive them and accept them for who they are, for your own sake and for your own happiness. It doesn’t matter whether they are wrong or right.
What matters is that you need to live your life the best way you can and accepting them will slowly kill the power that their opinions and actions have over you.
First published here.
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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