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Your marriage has been on the rocks, you are contemplating a divorce but don't know if it's the right move? Here's 10 pointers to help you take that step
Your marriage has been on the rocks, you are contemplating a divorce but don’t know if it’s the right move? Here’s 10 pointers to help you take that step.
So it’s time to call quits in your marriage but you are facing a predicament. The dilemma of deciding whether to remain stuck in that marriage or to divorce your partner is a solution that doesn’t come easily.
Here are some pointers that you are in a loveless relationship and are ready to move on and file for a divorce.
No, I am not talking about the lovey-dovey affair, but the heart-rate raising stress when you see your partner at home. Your body is a true indicator of the roller coaster of your emotions.
The moment you feel jittery about your partner’s presence, just know that it is time to let go. Our brains can lie to us, but our body is the ultimate barometer of truth. Bodies don’t lie.
Strange, right? But this actually happens when the couple reaches the dead end of a relationship. They are left with no emotions and prefer silence and isolation. And we know this is detrimental.
Yes, fights and arguments may not always be fruitful, but as a couple you fight for your relationship. You fight for each other. No arguments and no fights – just know that there is nothing left in your marriage.
I know it contradicts point no. 2, but to a certain extent this is one sign of an imminent divorce. In an ideal relationship, problems are usually solved mutually, but in the case of fighting couples, the issue is completely different.
The need to point fingers, play the blame game and winning all fights become the sole purpose. Who wants such a win-lose situation? This scenario ultimately leads to a divorce.
So, you edit the real version of your life and share all the good and happy pictures and posts on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram and you know you are overcompensating.
When you are unhappy in a relationship, and want to hide it from the entire universe you take help of the Trojan horse (social media) and share some nonsense.
While, in reality, you are breaking into bits and pieces and your relationship is falling apart. Do not try to hide behind the mirage of social media. Stay true to yourself.
Marriage is teamwork, and as partners, you should be addressing each other as ‘we’ or ‘us’. When the couple start using pronouns like ‘I, me or mine,’ understand it is a red flag.
I don’t see the partner anywhere close. It is all about work, kids, friends, parties and everything except your spouse. The marriage is over, it is time you accept the situation and move on.
A couple, despite fights, can still resolve their crisis, forgive and stay amicably. But when you find a deadlock, I mean the partner constantly digs up the past and rambles about the same, then I am sorry. This often leads to divorce.
Haven’t we heard forgiveness is divine? So why not give it a shot before taking the final plunge?
This reminds me of my divorce. Yes, you heard me right. I was devising an exit strategy when I knew my marriage was on troubled waters. My husband was a miser and would cringe about the thought of sharing money with me.
So I opened a separate bank account and started saving money since I knew I would have to deal alone. Surprisingly, I remember advising the same strategy to other women in the court when my case was on-going.
Why only finances? It can also be a change of job, or silently buying a property.
It is very common to share the news of your bad day with your spouse. Or when you get a new dress. So click a picture and share it with your spouse before uploading it on social media. This means your spouse is the one on you can count on during your crisis and happiness. When they cease to be your go to person, you know what you are heading towards.
So you have been contemplating on those terms for quite a long time but haven’t taken the plunge. It’s always seen at the end, that the couple parts ways either amicably or through the recourse of law.
Before I close, I would like to remind the readers that these are my pointers and I have written them from my experience. People can have other reasons to divorce as well.
While I wouldn’t advocate remaining stuck in an unhappy marriage, I would also suggest giving at least one shot to the relationship. Who knows you might see a radical change in the behaviour of your partner!
I was married for eleven years before I took the plunge to divorce. Divorce doesn’t happen in a day. These pointers are tried and tested.
Last but not the least, if you have a child just ensure you refrain from discussing these adult issues in front of them. Ultimately, you will have to tell the child the truth. Be sensible while dealing with them. They will accept the new equation and move ahead in life with you.
Picture credits: Unsplash
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Rimli Bhattacharya is a First class gold medalist in Mechanical Engineering from National Institute of Technology, an MBA in supply chain management and is engaged with a corporate sector. Her essay in the anthology “Book read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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