Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Mutual respect despite a difference in cultures marks this lovely relationship, which thrives despite the (hilarious) hiccups along the way!
I had written earlier about my (slightly exaggerated but true) wedding story, with my Punjabi parents & Tamil in-laws, and the hilarious mix of cultures. I’d like to continue with some more tales about what happened post my wedding, in my 11 years of married life.
Of course, as I said in my ‘author’s note’ in that article, I have exaggerated some of the conversations, which I am guilty of doing so here too, but taken in the context, these conversations between my Punjabi mother (referred to as mom) and my Tamilian mother-in-law (read as Amma) have given us (and will now hopefully give you) some laughs.
Amma – Oh our kids are setting up a new house after marriage. Let’s help them out.
Mom – Yes surely, we will help them figure out the furniture and you can guide them on the electronics.
Amma – Superb idea!
The Tamil ideology of simple and minimalist living led to a small fridge, because after all how much storage does a young couple need? My husband still gets a earful from me on this, despite having bought 2 huge fridges post that!
On the other hand, Punjabi opulence led to grand couches and crockery cabinet which were a challenge to fit in our very first Gurgaon apartment.
Amma – Both of you come over to our house for a simple meal.
Mom – Oh sure, we would love to!
Mom reached her samdhis’ house carrying a fruit basket, dry fruit platter, sweet boxes and gifts for both of them.
Amma, dressed simply, was overwhelmed, and decided it’s time to explain what Tamilians mean when they say “simple”: just lemon rice followed by curd rice. Unlike Punjabis for whom simple means fewer people and five dishes instead of ten!
Amma – Our relatives would like to invite you home for a get-together at 7 pm. Just a small gathering with the whole family.
Mom – Oh sure, we will be there!
Mom & co. reach at 8 pm Punjabi standard time to learn that most of the relatives had already finished their dinner, and they were asked why they got late!
Mom – You are invited for my nephew’s wedding at 8 pm. Do join
Amma – Of course we will be there.
Amma & co. arrived sharp at 8 pm, and waited outside to enter with the baraat at 10pm! For the next wedding they made sure they left their house only after the baraat had already entered the venue!
Lesson learnt.
Amma – We have a special ceremony for mothers-to-be. Married women make her wear bangles and give her blessings.
Mom – That’s wonderful, let’s start planning. I know my daughter won’t be comfortable wearing a sari though. She asked if she can wear a dress.
Amma – Oh sure. We understand that! Dress is absolutely fine.
Only once we ventured out to buy the special baby shower outfit did we realize that Amma meant dress as in salwaar kameez and Mom (and I for that matter) meant a western dress.
Tradition triumphed there, but I can’t complain as I looked my splendid best!
Amma – Usually Tamilian Brahmin boys have Janeyu (thread ceremony) when they achieve a certain age. Shall we plan one for our grandson?
Mom – Yes sure, we love traditions!
The idea was shot down when everyone realized that the Punjabis just wanted an excuse to party, and had no interest whatsoever in the ceremony!
So this is still pending for my 7 year old son.
Everything said and done, my Amma and Mom actually get along very well. They click despite varying backgrounds and cultures. I often wonder why?
The answer lies in their mutual respect for each other and acceptance and appreciation of their differences. Mom admires the Tamilian simplicity, rich culture, and appreciation of small things. Amma on the other hand is inspired by the Punjabi larger-than-life celebrations, jovial nature and spirit to live in the moment.
This relationship is a telling statement on how diversity makes us richer and stronger.
Image source: a still from the movie 2 States
Prerna Wahi worked in the corporate world for 7 years. In the past few years, she has been a stay-at-home mom. She has been enjoying the new role ever since and likes to read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
Please enter your email address