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Mutual respect despite a difference in cultures marks this lovely relationship, which thrives despite the (hilarious) hiccups along the way!
I had written earlier about my (slightly exaggerated but true) wedding story, with my Punjabi parents & Tamil in-laws, and the hilarious mix of cultures. I’d like to continue with some more tales about what happened post my wedding, in my 11 years of married life.
Of course, as I said in my ‘author’s note’ in that article, I have exaggerated some of the conversations, which I am guilty of doing so here too, but taken in the context, these conversations between my Punjabi mother (referred to as mom) and my Tamilian mother-in-law (read as Amma) have given us (and will now hopefully give you) some laughs.
Amma – Oh our kids are setting up a new house after marriage. Let’s help them out.
Mom – Yes surely, we will help them figure out the furniture and you can guide them on the electronics.
Amma – Superb idea!
The Tamil ideology of simple and minimalist living led to a small fridge, because after all how much storage does a young couple need? My husband still gets a earful from me on this, despite having bought 2 huge fridges post that!
On the other hand, Punjabi opulence led to grand couches and crockery cabinet which were a challenge to fit in our very first Gurgaon apartment.
Amma – Both of you come over to our house for a simple meal.
Mom – Oh sure, we would love to!
Mom reached her samdhis’ house carrying a fruit basket, dry fruit platter, sweet boxes and gifts for both of them.
Amma, dressed simply, was overwhelmed, and decided it’s time to explain what Tamilians mean when they say “simple”: just lemon rice followed by curd rice. Unlike Punjabis for whom simple means fewer people and five dishes instead of ten!
Amma – Our relatives would like to invite you home for a get-together at 7 pm. Just a small gathering with the whole family.
Mom – Oh sure, we will be there!
Mom & co. reach at 8 pm Punjabi standard time to learn that most of the relatives had already finished their dinner, and they were asked why they got late!
Mom – You are invited for my nephew’s wedding at 8 pm. Do join
Amma – Of course we will be there.
Amma & co. arrived sharp at 8 pm, and waited outside to enter with the baraat at 10pm! For the next wedding they made sure they left their house only after the baraat had already entered the venue!
Lesson learnt.
Amma – We have a special ceremony for mothers-to-be. Married women make her wear bangles and give her blessings.
Mom – That’s wonderful, let’s start planning. I know my daughter won’t be comfortable wearing a sari though. She asked if she can wear a dress.
Amma – Oh sure. We understand that! Dress is absolutely fine.
Only once we ventured out to buy the special baby shower outfit did we realize that Amma meant dress as in salwaar kameez and Mom (and I for that matter) meant a western dress.
Tradition triumphed there, but I can’t complain as I looked my splendid best!
Amma – Usually Tamilian Brahmin boys have Janeyu (thread ceremony) when they achieve a certain age. Shall we plan one for our grandson?
Mom – Yes sure, we love traditions!
The idea was shot down when everyone realized that the Punjabis just wanted an excuse to party, and had no interest whatsoever in the ceremony!
So this is still pending for my 7 year old son.
Everything said and done, my Amma and Mom actually get along very well. They click despite varying backgrounds and cultures. I often wonder why?
The answer lies in their mutual respect for each other and acceptance and appreciation of their differences. Mom admires the Tamilian simplicity, rich culture, and appreciation of small things. Amma on the other hand is inspired by the Punjabi larger-than-life celebrations, jovial nature and spirit to live in the moment.
This relationship is a telling statement on how diversity makes us richer and stronger.
Image source: a still from the movie 2 States
Prerna Wahi worked in the corporate world for 7 years. In the past few years, she has been a stay-at-home mom. She has been enjoying the new role ever since and likes to read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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