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As an Indian woman with children out of their early childhood, this mom is just finding out the pleasures of getting into her 40s, discovering herself again.
And at this point of time when I am at the threshold of touching 40 years of my life, I find it very different from earlier. With an average human life of 70 years, I have already crossed more than 50%.
I’ve heard people say that 40 is the new 20, and to some extent it’s true. A 20 that is an age of innovation and a freedom to do what you love. A phase when you explore yourself, you fall in love with yourself on every single day and you don’t bother much about social expectations. So what did I expect on my 39th Birthday?
For me, I still remember my life two decades back, and there was a time when I started missing that. I wished that I could capture those as my Facebook memories, which keep popping every year. But there is always a time for the new, a change which might bring another love into your life.
While being closer to 40 (next year), I can sense the same. My children are little grown-ups, and the basic parenting duties are on the way out. I no more use baby products and am a little far away from the anxiety of a mother of a young child. I sleep more compared to anyone in the house. I enjoy solitude like never before, and am falling in love with myself again!
Now, I take my own time to dress up, in the washroom, and wherever I go. Life, and the home are little more organised, and I don’t need to clean up as often as earlier. The OCD era is over; now I work as per my capacity. I’ve realised that kids can manage their work to some extent. I leave them sometimes at their own mercy if I am not able to convince them. The generation gap has already taken a firm hold.
As I said, I belong to the slightly older generation now. At this age, I’m trying to find the girl who got lost between being a wife and motherhood, though I’m not in a competition with anyone, and feel happy when I see others happy.
I am making peace with myself on all fronts. I don’t want to carry any bitter memories; I have forgotten them all. Trying to be in the present, and enjoying my sanity. I’ve stopped judging people; after all, I don’t know the reality behind their lives. Most of the times, what you see is not what it is.
Solitude and enjoying my own company with books is an all-time high. I’ve stopped complaining, and have replaced it with a healthy conversation. I’m more grateful to God for everything I have, and no regrets for that which I don’t have. I’m making peace with myself to be more satisfied with what I am blessed with. One lesson that I’ve learnt in these years, “You cannot be happy if you are not happy within”.
I’m still a mother, responsible for my duties; the love and care and the extra attention my kids need … sometimes. In these digital times, they know many things much better than me, but it’s my duty to guide them and let them understand the reality of life. A little hard, a little bumpy, a mixed bag of joy and sorrows which are inevitable. But am simply loving it. For all the hard work I did, it pays at some time, and I think 40 is the right age when you know more about yourself. You know what you are and how you can discover yourself. You love yourself more than ever. You care for yourself more like you never had, and you give more than expected. It’s a life cycle and I am just entering it hoping the next half to be more peaceful.
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: shutterstock
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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