Check out the ultimate guide to 16 return-to-work programs in India for women
"What do women want?" is a question many men have. Simple. Just listen to us when we speak (like Rajkummar Rao said he would) instead of jumping in with your 'solutions', and you'll know.
“What do women want?” is a question many men have. Simple. Just listen to us when we speak (like Rajkummar Rao said he would) instead of jumping in with your ‘solutions’, and you’ll know.
Rajkummar Rao, in an interview to HuffPost India, while talking about ‘Ek Ladki Ko Dekha To Aisa Laga’ team’s decision to revoke Hirani’s producer-credit added, “Personally, I want to just say this out that if any woman feels uncomfortable or unsafe and if I am present on that set, you can reach out to me. I am here to listen and will ensure that the complaint is dealt with the seriousness that it deserves.”
(A woman who worked on Sanju accused Hirani of sexually assaulting her between March 2018 and September 2018 )
My attention ended at “I am here to listen”!
Though I speak for myself here, I’m sure there would be many who will agree with me when I say that usually we don’t want men to go charging at the baddies to salvage or ‘save our honour’, but just spend a couple of minutes (is it too much to ask, really?) listening to us.
Not just hearing but also listening with complete undivided attention. Think I’m exaggerating? Let me explain.
Like when we say “what a tough day it was at work,” could the men in our lives not jump in trying to sort our day by mentioning how woefully dismal our time sense is, even before we could finish the sentence? It would be nicer if they stopped adding, “IST isn’t Indian Stretchable Time!”
The men would also earn extra brownie points if they didn’t tell us how to handle the boss, giving their shining example. Do not plan our entire day for us, or monitor our minute movements in the name of our well-being.
We often feel fat, thanks to the fact that we are women and we have this monthly cycle. So we bloat. Plus we get our PMS bouts.
Instead of rolling their eyes and whispering conspiratorially amongst themselves “It is that time of the month,” we would love our men to pamper us by getting us our fave poison, so that we can cuddle with our TBR list. Listening to our signals and leaving us be, is the ultimate mark of love ‘at that time of the month.’ Making sure that the brat is fed is a sure shot at earning those brownie points.
Though we are breaking the old molds and setting newer standards, we are sometimes riddled with debilitating self-doubts.
When we find the courage to voice our fears, rather than dismissing our confessions as silliness, a couple of moments of empathy with periodical, “You are the best” rhetorics will get us back on our feet.
When we talk about what is wrong with the way the world is functioning, it would be more than welcome to have a no-holds-barred discussion rather than changing the topic to Kohli’s statistics or the reasons for Rafa’s losses. We do have a functioning brain which can multi-task, and which can store intricate details about diverse topics other than Mummy’s recipes.
Agreed, that to keep abreast of the latest trends, we sometimes indulge in some fashion faux-pas. We want our men to be gentle then, and not critical, when we ask “How do I look?”
Adjust our crowns, not pull us down.
Listen to our money saving plans. Like really listen! Discuss your tax saving methods at length, and keep us in the loop for all joint investments.
We don’t bust up the monies without thinking. There is prior planning to our alleged madness.
Sometimes we don’t want to be ‘in-control’ and sleep the day off. At such times we want the men picking up our inner-lazy voices, and pitching in for us at the PTMs, football games, dance classes, or the vocal recitals, and being proud of it. Not sporting a sacrificial halo, “well, the girl’s busy, so I’m standing in for her.”
Cooking a meal for us, leaving behind a spotless kitchen is definitely the cherry on the cake.
Listen to us vent – on any topic – without being judgmental. We just need an outlet at times. This helps us sort our thoughts, and eventually we do come to our own conclusions. Often we need a willing ear, and we hope that is yours.
We need you, and we say it often. Listen, and repeat the same to us. Love gets cemented. We don’t need bravery. We need strength and empathy.
Image source: YouTube
Anupama Jain is the author of:
* ’Kings Saviours & Scoundrels -Timeless Tales from Katha Sarita Sagara’, listed as one of the best books of 2022 by @Wordsopedia. Rooted in the traditional storytelling of Indian legends, warriors, read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
I huffed, puffed and panted up the hill, taking many rest breaks along the way. My calf muscles pained, my heart protested, and my breathing became heavy at one stage.
“Let’s turn back,” my husband remarked. We stood at the foot of Shravanbelagola – one of the most revered Jain pilgrimage centres. “We will not climb the hill,” he continued.
My husband and I were vacationing in Karnataka. It was the month of May, and even at the early hour of 8 am in the morning, the sun scorched our backs. After visiting Bangalore and Mysore, we had made a planned stop at this holy site in the Southern part of the state en route to Hosur. Even while planning our vacation, my husband was very excited at the prospect of visiting this place and the 18 m high statue of Lord Gometeshwara, considered one of the world’s tallest free-standing monolithic statues.
What we hadn’t bargained for was there would be 1001 granite steps that needed to be climbed to have a close-up view of this colossal magic three thousand feet above sea level on a hilltop. It would be an understatement to term it as an arduous climb.
Why is the Social Media trend of young mothers of boys captioning their parenting video “Dear future Daughter-in-Law, you are welcome” deeply problematic and disturbing to me as a young mother of a girl?
I have recently come across a trend on social media started by young mothers of boys who share videos where they teach their sons to be sensitive and understanding and also make them actively participate in household chores.
However, the problematic part of this trend is that such reels or videos are almost always captioned, “To my future daughter-in-law, you are welcome.” I know your intentions are positive, but I would like to point out how you are failing the very purpose you wanted to accomplish by captioning the videos like this.
I know you are hurt—perhaps by a domestic household that lacks empathy, by a partner who either is emotionally unavailable, is a man-child adding to your burden of parenting instead of sharing it, or who is simply backed by overprotective and abusive in-laws who do not understand the tiring journey of a working woman left without any rest as doing the household chores timely is her responsibility only.
Please enter your email address