A story of love, loss and second chances by Nikita Singh, releasing this Valentine’s Day.
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Our perception that a successful woman does not need love is wrong, because at the end of the day, a human being needs love, no matter how unfair that seems.
A couple of months ago a Bollywood movie starring a superstar drew some flak owing to its portrayal of the female protagonist. This was because, in the movie she was supposed to be a famous scientist and yet was shown yearning for the love of the male protagonist, who seemed to be in a mood of just having fun with her initially. Apart from being depicted as a much acclaimed scientist, she is also shown as supposedly having a disorder like ALS.
Recently, a web series was released which revolved around 4 women, who are friends and are successful in their own ways yet as the story progresses, they too are yearning for a partner in their lives.
Two different tales, different characters and different platforms, yet one thing that seemed common to me in both the depictions was that despite the successes they had, they were fighting some kind of inadequacies or failures they had personally/professionally.
I remember reading in one of the reviews of the movie that when the female protagonist was so successful in her career, she didn’t need a man to make her feel fulfilled, or she didn’t need to be portrayed the way she was, as this was reflective of the patriarchy prevalent in our country.
At the cost of facing the ire of these viewers, I beg to differ.
Such vulnerability is NOT reflective of patriarchy as people of either sex can suffer from anxiety in their lives owing to their inadequacies, and as odd as it may seem, such behaviour only seems natural.
Yes, the fact that these were women and not men who were shown to be seeking attention or looking for partners may seem unfair. But then that has been the norm with Indian storytellers and ad makers. We have always seen only women promoting soaps (as if men don’t use them), until a few years ago when men started endorsing face wash. It’s always been the female characters that are the messengers, and it continues to be so.
As for the story of women yearning for love/companionship in spite of their successes, I am not a therapist or a professionally trained individual to analyze people’s behaviors. Yet what makes sense to me is that it is very easy for anyone who has it all; looks, money, career, family, a normal childhood and a stable life, to say that such a longing doesn’t happen. Ask a person who has certain inadequacies in his/her life and they will tell you how it feels?
It is true that we all have our inadequacies, be it physical disability of some kind or mental blocks or some other inadequacy, and over time we do get over them. No matter how successful one gets, the inadequacy is there somewhere at the back of the mind.
Once in a while, despite the accolades that one has achieved in their lives, be it on professional levels or personal levels, the inadequacy that had been pushed to the back of the mind, comes to the fore. The sense of despondency overpowers all the self-confidence and pride of achievements. That’s the time when someone can be the most vulnerable.
For some people, it may be easy to bounce back to the otherwise independent selves, and not seek help. But there may be certain individuals who may tend to look for someone to give them a patient hearing, for just that one moment. At those times, when someone offers his/ her sympathy and attention, that person may even seem close to God.
Being successful or an achiever only makes it all the more difficult, because everything seems going too smoothly for the others to believe that the person is actually suffering, and they may never be able to vent out the feelings because it may seem so unreal. Yet those shortcomings do surface up once in a while making all achievements irrelevant.
The increasing number of celebrities suffering from depression is a testimony to the fact that being famous and loved by millions may still not be gratifying enough. There is obviously something more that is needed.
As exaggerated as it may seem one comment, one incident and one memory is enough to fill somebody with a sense of hopelessness. So yes, while being successful makes one independent, confident enough to face the world on their own, it does not necessarily demolish all the demons in one’s mind, it just pushes them away for most of the time.
Also, saying that one doesn’t need to look for love if he/she is affluent doesn’t seem to be the most meaningful way to lead the life. Having said that, these are my personal views and I am in no position, professionally to determine the behavioral patterns of people and prove my point. These are based purely on my observations of people around me.
Image source: a still from the movie Zero
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A homemaker, mother of two, writer and blogger, who loves to travel and has a
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