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The author narrates how she defeated the demon of depression by learning the ‘Dance And Movement Therapy’.
I was broken into pieces. I had left my job and lost the love of my life. All I wanted to do was to kill myself. I made a few failed attempts towards it and then I had lost the courage to even try doing that. I was just blank. I just had a black screen in front of my eyes all the time. Somehow, I managed to smile for my loved ones though it was breaking me internally. I did not bother to find another job because I had no goals left in my life. My medication helped me not to attempt suicide again I guess.
I decided to indulge myself in further studies. It was meant to be something that would interest me and keep me busy so that I could manage to live. I chose a subject that had always interested me – Psychology. I started studying again from where I had left and came to know about a new aspect of psychotherapies – The expressive therapies. I had never heard about these and was curious about it. Dance has always been an important part of my life. I came to know about a Diploma course being held in my city on Dance and Movement Therapy and decided to give it a shot. I applied for the course and cleared the interview and that’s how my journey began with DMT in Kolkata Sanved.
Nothing changed on the first day. I did not know what I was doing, I did not have any goals, I still was in depression struggling to live each day. All that had changed was that I got to spend 2 days out of my home, my familiar surroundings. That is what I was looking forward to each week.
In a couple of months, I realized that now the emotion towards the classes had changed from apathy to excitement. I wanted to go to the class, I wanted to learn more, about myself and about the subject. I had started smiling and laughing on occasions. The 15 people in my batch had become a second family to me and by the time I finished the course I had a whole new perspective on life.
Today when I look back, I see the things that changed the way I live:
A Safe Space – I got a space to express myself, I got a space where I could be ‘me’ again. Here no one knew me, no one knew about my past. There were no sympathetic eyes looking at me. I had this space to create something that wasn’t yet in existence.
Group Support – We were 16 people in the batch and all of us had become an immense support system towards each other by the end of the sessions. Each one of us had their own issues and each one of us respected each other and their issues. No issue was bigger or smaller than the other. We had developed the most important component of humanity- Empathy. We knew each other’s deepest secret and we were non-judgmental about it.
Expression without words– I had a lot accumulated inside me but I never talked about it for the fear of being judged. Through DMT I was still expressing myself without telling anyone anything. It was a form of catharsis where my body was saying all it wanted to and no one was judging me for doing so. This release helped me have a clear mind to think about the future.
Self-Awareness– The process in DMT brought me closer to my body and made me aware of myself. Though, everything started on a physical level but I realized it growing from physical to mental , to emotional and also to a spiritual level. I was in better sync with myself now.
Self Worth – I started loving myself. I now understood that the most important person in your life is YOU. Once you start loving yourself the world will start loving you and even if it does not, it wont matter anymore. I started staying happier and I did not need anyone else for it . It came from within.
Confidence– It built my confidence again and now I had a goal. I wanted this skill to reach everyone and I decided that I would do everything in my power to make people experience this feeling. And thus started a new journey. The Journey to MOVE, no matter what happens next.
Image Source: Pexels
A counselor, Life skills trainer and Dance and Movement Therapy Practitioner by profession I am
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