“I Will Get Married When I Want To” – An Open Letter To Those Who Have A Problem With It

Posted: December 27, 2018

Indeed! I am a 20-something millennial who is ranting about marriage, but who isn’t? This open letter goes out to all those impatient folks who are constantly advising me to ‘get settled’. 

All things considered, regardless of where humankind is going, Moon or the Mars, some things neither change, nor can be averted. Like heartbreaks, exams, governmental issues, wars, gossip mongers and parents (particularly, Indian parents!).

It doesn’t make a difference what you do or what you move towards in your life or how effectively successful you are at it, for them, everything boils down to ‘settling down’. Also goodness gracious! Settling down (according to our parents) doesn’t mean owning a house, a car, having a great job and living a decent life. Damnation no! It just signifies ‘getting hitched’ and ‘beginning a family’, because I am incompetent if I’m alone. Bite me.

Truly, I never comprehended this whole organization of marriage, and don’t even get me started on orchestrated arranged marriages. I’m not against any of it but rather, it just overwhelms me. In the event that you hail from an Indian family, odds are, your folks weren’t cool with you having a beau or a boyfriend/girlfriend, and the whole idea of dating didn’t speak to them. However, at this point similar guardians need you to go out and meet some irregular ass individual, once you hit your mid-20’s. What the sacred f***? How did we go from not conversing with strangers to marrying them? HOW?

What’s more, guess what? This isn’t even the most noticeably worse part. The most exceedingly terrible part comes in when the female clique comes into the scene. While PM Modi is caught up with authorising ‘Beti Padhao, Beti Bachao’, guardians still trust that getting their girls wedded is a definitive triumphant arrangement. Fuck ‘Beti Padhao, Beti Bachao’, we have a superior arrangement: Marriage. At this point, why even bother with the ‘Beti Padhao’? Why even put us through schools? Why not simply get us wedded? That would spare so much money, time, and exertion.

On the off chance that you feel that marriage is a definitive objective, a definitive meaning of a supposed impeccable life, the best thing that can happen to a young lady, you truly need to refresh your definitions. I’ll send a word reference and thesaurus your way.

As if our parents were insufficient at constantly reminding us to ‘settle down’, there are these irritating relatives that put more thoughts in their brains. You hit your 20’s and go to any family function, all you’ll catch wind of is the manner by which you will be the following one in the family to get hitched! Such blockhead questions I tell you, “Aur beta, shaadi ke kya plans?”, “Job lag gayi na? Chalo accha hai! fatafat shaadi karke settle ho jaao”, “Zyaada late na karo beta accha ladka/ladki nahi milega”, “Kaam/post graduation ka kya hai, shaad ke baad hota rahega sab” and the rundown goes on. (Editor’s Note: For those unfamiliar with Hindi, all these translate to the same thing roughly – get married soon!)

In any case, tell you what Aunty ji, Uncle ji, I didn’t put myself through school and college and coachings for nothing. I don’t work my butt off 9 hours a day to simply ‘get hitched’. I have my own dreams, aspirations and interests rather than to simply get married and have children! Quit showing pictures of qualified bachelors to my folks, for the love of all that is pure and holy! Our planet isn’t coming up short on individuals, actually, we’re stuffing it. I’m certain, I will discover somebody I’d need and more importantly want to marry, once I’m prepared.

Also, in conclusion, my dear mother and father, I will get hitched once I’m prepared – candidly and rationally. What’s more, regardless of whether I absolutely never prepare for it, will be it such a major ordeal? Maybe. Is it because of the “log kya bolenge”, that I should stroll into something I’m not prepared for? Absolutely not. You always showed me the benefit of being autonomous, certain and independent, and at that point why abruptly does it have to turn out to be so essential to get associated to someone else and their family? Am I not sufficient to deal with myself or you folks or my future?

All I ask is for you folks – the parents, the guardians, the relatives and the neighbours to give it a thought and quit pestering your children and to not stifle every one of their achievements and measure marriage above everything.

Yours sincerely,

A 20-something millennial

Liked this post?

Register at Women's Web to get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads! Or - get a couple of really cool reads on your phone every day - click here to send us a Whatsapp message.

Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, you can request to be a Women's Web contributor too!

An engineer by the day and a writer by the night. Poetry, music, beaches and

Learn More

Culture Of Equality

Comments

Share your thoughts! [Be civil. No personal attacks. Longer comment policy in our footer!]

NOVEMBER's Best New Books by Women Authors!

Get our weekly mailer and never miss out on the best reads by and about women!

Recognising Women Role Models