The author gives useful tips on how to make your first born feel equally excited and be a part of your motherhood journey when you are expecting your second child.
“Mumma !!You still love me na?”
These words still echo in my head, when I recall my five year old daughter asking me the same question with worry and curiosity.”Yes baby, of course I love you more than anything in this world”. This answer of mine gave her a million dollar smile and infinite satisfaction.
But, it came as an eye-opener to me as I could make out that a sense of insecurity is peeping in my little angel ‘s mind- the reason was that I was expecting second time. I was really worried about her and about assuring her of her place, my love for her and everything else.
Many second time parents might be sailing in the same boat- how to talk, how to tell the first one that we still love you because once this feeling settles down, in the near future it would definitely lead to sibling rivalry, which no parent will wish for.
There are certain measures which can be adopted to combat this situation:
Baby is for you -From the very first day start telling your child that the baby is coming for you as you will get a better life time friend in your house itself. Don’t forget to tell that, we have you as a child but you don’t have any friend so baby is coming only for you.
Seperate bed– Make your child sleep in a separate bed, way before the baby arrives so that the child may not connect the two. Tell them “you are a big girl/boy and you will enjoy it”.But ,make sure his/her bedtime story routine goes on without any hindrance.
Choosing baby names- Take suggestions from the first one about the baby’s name.This will create a sense of affection towards the newborn.
Hospital visits-If possible take the child with you for your hospital visits,on seeing several expecting mothers he/she will feel connected to the situation. Slowly tell him/her that this is the place where we will come to take the baby.
Own belongings– Take out his/her old clothes,toys and other stuff and show it to him/her. Share your memories and feelings with him/her and tell that now your brother or sister will be using your stuff. Ask the child’s permission-Can he?The answer will certainly be a ‘yes’.
No nonsense- Some people don’t give it a thought and speak anything like “baby will take your place, mom and dad will love him/her more”.These talks can permanently create a scar in the child’s heart. Its always better to keep an eye on such idiots. Keep your child away from such foolish people.
This is a testing time for both the parents and the first born.The child must be taken in confidence,that no one is going to take his/her place.Extra efforts should be made by the parents so that the child feels a sense of attachment,happiness, instead of jealousy and dejection.
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When Dylan came home, I was happy I had a little brother. But soon, strange incidents began happening. No one could explain the hideous things he did or why he did them!
“Nobody loves me!” he cried, as he was forced to sit in the car. Dylan was red with rage and tears covered his face.
“That is not true. We love you a lot. You will be away just for a short while and then we’ll get you back home”. Mother didn’t believe her own words. For the first time she wasn’t sad that he was leaving.
“Bahu, you are this family’s Mahalakshmi. If you wake up late, how will it bode auspicious for this house and hearth? Go, take a bath first, and help me in the kitchen."
“Bahu, you are this family’s Mahalakshmi. If you wake up late, how will it bode auspicious for this house and hearth? Go, take a bath first, and help me in the kitchen.”
“Ma, I’m visiting my in-laws for the first time after marriage. I’m looking forward to this!” Aditi exclaimed.
Having a second child? Why, then, isn't there any information available now, when everyone and their neighbour had advice for you during your first pregnancy?
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Becoming a parent for the first time is like leaving for a journey without a map. You either get lost or you have an adventure of a lifetime. Having a second child is like being stuck in a cloud of deja vu. You know that you know this, but do you?
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They all say – keep an expecting mom happy. Surround her with only positive talk. The would be Mommy is advised to read good books, listen to good music. Even strangers and not so pleasant people are polite as soon as the bump is visible. The unborn baby is respected everywhere.