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Nothing is 'impure' about periods. This Durga Puja, don't let bleeding deprive your daughters of Maa's darshan, says the author to all mothers out there.
Nothing is ‘impure’ about periods. This Durga Puja, don’t let bleeding deprive your daughters of Maa’s darshan, says the author to all mothers out there.
When we reached the pandal, the eleven-year-old stopped at the gate. She had a restricted, somewhat embarrassed smile on her little lips, something you don’t expect to see in a child. But you see, some amount of childhood is lost if you are a girl.
I was pretty much sure about what could have gone wrong. Still, to confirm I asked her why she had stopped there instead of going inside for the darshan. And she, in a very subdued voice told me that she was having her periods and therefore her mother had strictly instructed her to not go near the deity. Ironically, the deity here was the embodiment of woman power, the mother goddess Durga.
I know what mothers usually tell their adolescent girls. Something as natural a process as menstruation is considered to be some very impure thing. If the girl is menstruating she is forbidden to visit the temples and even to touch or go near the idols at home. You are not permitted to even use the word menses in front of men as if it were a crime to do so or a thing to be ashamed about. And signs and gestures are used by the women to communicate among themselves that they, in fact, are going through their period days, making sure that their code is not deciphered by the men around. This is how their raw minds are shaped, and the children, in turn, grow up to pass on these beliefs to their children. That day what the little girl told me was just what she had been told and made to believe.
I clutched her hand and asked her to come inside with me. She was reluctant. I understood her dilemma. I saw fear in her eyes, fear of committing a sin if she went near the goddess. I could well have commanded her and she would have reluctantly obeyed, but that wouldn’t have allayed her fears, that wouldn’t have wiped off the belief she had been fed by her own mother. I decided to nip this belief, and nip it in the bud. And so I chose to address this differently.
I looked into her eyes, “You believe in God, right?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied.
“Don’t you think that God is everywhere?”
She nodded in the affirmative.
“You don’t have to stand here and not go near the idol, because God is also where you are standing. Isn’t it?” I asked.
That made sense to her. I could make that out from her expressions.
I continued “Do you think God made us all?”
“Yes”, she said.
“If you believe that God has created us, don’t you think that this is how he intended to make us? So there is no point in considering yourself impure for a thing God decided you should have”, I reasoned.
She smiled. She certainly did not wish to wait at the gate. If not for the compulsion from the society no one would want to curb her own enjoyment in this festive season or otherwise and certainly not for a natural process she endures, even if she doesn’t like to. She was happy now and with much excitement and renewed confidence went inside to have Devi’s darshan.
That day I wanted to tell her about the role of menstruation in reproduction, and how something that is directly related to the creation of life could never be an impure thing or a thing to be ashamed about. But I decided to tell this to her some other day, perhaps when she is a bit older. Today, I thought I will just let her be the child that she is.
Durga Puja is all about the triumph of good over evil – the evil that is around us, the evil that is within us… To do away with the belief that talking about something as natural as menstruation is a taboo… To do away with the belief that it is a thing to be ashamed about, a thing to conceal from everyone. Talking openly about menstruation in our homes, and letting our girls and boys know that it is just another normal thing in life, will definitely help in eliminating the unnecessary hoopla around this natural cycle. And free the little girls of the psychological burden they endure in addition to the compulsory physical burden of bleeding every month.
Image Source – Still from the movie Kahaani
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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