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Despite being a loving mom, this author hit her son, for the 1st time, as a reaction. She ponders on why she did it, and brings us some valuable points to think about.
I am known to be that mother whose focus is completely on enjoying every second of motherhood. I won’t say that I am the perfect mother, because no mother can be perfect. There is no rule book, or a book which teaches you how to be the best mother.
You are learning all the time and trying hard to be a role model for your kid. It is a continuous process. I know it is impossible to be a parent and not lose your temper. There will be so many occasions when you completely loose it. I have been in those kind of situations more than a 100 times, but I have never laid a hand on them.
But, yesterday I hit my son for the first time. I was on my evening walk and I saw him hit his friend. I did not give him a chance to explain, I just hit him. I am feeling miserable since yesterday. I am trying to analyze my behavior. There is no amount of logic or explanation that can rationalize my behavior.
I am not a violent person. I don’t behave like this.
I read somewhere that ‘if you never heal from what hurt you, you will bleed on who did not cut you’.
Was I taking out my frustration on my him?
No, I don’t want to find excuses. There is nothing more pathetic and sad than a parent who teaches a child not to hit by spanking him/her.
He explained why he behaved in that way, and I understood that he was pushed to his limits. I told him that he should move away from those situations and hitting is a bad choice. He said sorry and that he would never do it again, and slept peacefully in my arms. But I couldn’t sleep.
Parenting is full of choices, but yesterday, at that moment, I made a wrong choice. I am meant to be his protector. It is impossible to undo what I have done. I will never forgive myself.
He woke up with a happy smile today. When he met his friends at the bus stop, they were very cheerful and happy together. How I wish I could be like them and just forget the episode.
I am just venting out by writing. Not that it makes me feel less guilty but I will definitely never ever repeat what I have done yesterday.
For all moms who are just like me, if, any time you are in the same situation like me, just take a deep breath, think, but don’t hit.
A version of this was published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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