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The 'stress virus' seems to affect all of us in this hyper-connected, dynamic world. Women especially, are big time carriers of this virus - is it time to be kinder on ourselves?
The ‘stress virus’ seems to affect all of us in this hyper-connected, dynamic world. Women especially, are big time carriers of this virus – is it time to be kinder on ourselves?
This morning I was flitting through my email and came across a very interesting Women’s Web newsletter (Editor’s Note: You can subscribe to it here too!). About stress and how it might be affecting creativity.
It got me thinking. This modern-day plague of stress is rampant in every sphere of life. I’ve seen women suffering from this ‘disease’ whether they are single, married, working full time, part time, from home, SAHM, or any other cross section you could think of.
It not only kills creativity, it robs you of feeling normal or capable. It eats away at your core. Is this condition self-inflicted or just a result of our environment?
I hear experts saying very often that we are solely responsible for our stress. How often have you heard people saying, ‘Relax, take a chill pill’, or ‘Don’t think so much. Things will work out.’ I don’t know about you but these statements make me angry instead of placating me. After all, no-one deliberately wants to be stressed right? It isn’t the best feeling in the world either. That tension headache in the front of the head, the buzzing, the dull ache and churning in the tummy, sweaty palms, racing heart, how are any of these desirable? I’ve heard of so many people say that they get stressed about getting stressed! That if they know they are anxious about something, it makes them more helpless that they can’t control it.
Despite my general exuberance, I have been a carrier of this virus as well. More frequently than I’d like to admit and somehow after my maternity break, it became worse. The post partum depression phase definitely had a role to play. But even after it was gone, I was anxious and stressed about so many nonsensical things. It was almost changing my personality. I eventually got back to work, my passion: travel, a normal life and body, supported by a great family, managed to get back to writing, wrote and published my first book, milestones that would make most dizzy with happiness.
Yet the stress and anxiety wouldn’t leave me. One fine day I sat holding my head, heavy with a multitude of plans and problems and worries, and suddenly decided that I had had enough. I shook my head resolutely and had a cold shower. I made a list of all the things that were irking me and realised that most of them had a solution. The problem was actually inside me. I was pushing myself so hard, holding myself to such standards, judging myself so much that I was bound to fail in my own eyes! It was like a eureka moment.
Isn’t it hard enough that as women, we don’t have it easy from the get go? If it’s not gender stereotypes or discrimination, we are battling prejudices or fighting for our rights. Between home, work, responsibilities, children, relationships, where is the time to crucify yourself. But we still find the time. Because we still think there is more we can do. Guess what, YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH! More than enough.
The world around you will not change but it is up to you to find the beauty in it by being at peace with yourself or then constantly being at war by berating yourself and pushing yourself all the time. Your stomach with its scars of battle, the imperfections in your beautiful face, the callouses in your hard working hands, your proudest body of work, your family, everything that you do and you are is exactly how it is meant to be.
Enjoy every moment – walk instead of running, accept instead of judging and see that monstrous stress melt away like candy floss!
After chasing criminals as a journalist and spending over a decade in advertising, Richa penned a book of poetry titled A penchant for Prose. She has been a TOI Write India top 10 winner and read more...
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
No law in the country recognises enabling the rapist to walk free after marrying the survivor. However, in reality, it is something that families and communities often push for.
In the same week where the Delhi High Court on Wednesday, 11 May, saw a split decision on the constitutionality of the marital rape exception, another equally reactionary decision was handed by a divisional bench of the Supreme Court when they set aside the conviction and sentence of a man who had repeatedly raped his 14 year old niece
The facts of the case are simple. The accused, K Dhandapani, enticed his 14 year old niece with the promise of marriage and raped her several times. The family came to know of the offence when the girl became pregnant, and a case was lodged against him under the Protection of Child from Sexual Offences (POCSO) Act, 2012. After trying his case, in 2018, the Sessions Court found him guilty on all three counts, and convicted him and sentenced him to 10 years rigorous imprisonment. The accused appealed to the Madras High Court which upheld the conviction and the sentence in 2019.
The girl gave birth in 2017, before the case came up in court. Despite the pending case against him, he continued to have sexual relations with the girl, and she gave birth to her second child at the age of 17.