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A wife asks why it is that women's mothers in law interfere so much in their married life, or are over-possessive about their sons after getting them married?
A wife asks why it is that women’s mothers in law interfere so much in their married life, or are over-possessive about their sons after getting them married?
Is it only me who thinks that husband’s mothers are over-possessive? But on looking around, I can confidently say, “Yup! I am right ! Getting her son married could be their decision, yet their entire lives, our dear moms-in-law are reluctant to acknowledge the son’s wife, or the wife’s love towards her adult baby.
A close friend of mine had a weird issue. Her mother-in-law never let her cook her husband’s favourite food. Whenever her daughter-in-law wanted to, she would intervene and say, “You make the chappatis, I will cook the curry; actually Bittu loves it when I cook it” I think she believes in ‘pati ke dil ka raasta uske pet se ho kar jaata hai’ (the way to a husband’s heart is through his stomach), and that’s why she won’t allow her DIL to cook his favourites… what if she sails through?
Moms in law are judgmental about everything: the daughter in law’s dressing, eating, qualifications, sankaar, cooking, but if you dare to point out a single vice in your hubby, the fierce lioness will be ready to protect her adult cub. In the case of a tiff, you will be left all alone to bat on the crease, as it is only you who brainwashed the poor creature’s innocent mind and even after settling it all, you, my dear, you will be the culprit.
My neighbour next door has a very peculiar problem. Her mom in law starts calling her husband at six in the morning, and keeps calling till night every two hours, just to ensure his wellbeing. When you are so worried about your son, why did you marry him to an alien from a different planet? A wife also cares about her husband’s good!
I live away from my mother in law due to my husband’s job, and I do take good care of my husband’s health. But my mother in law thinks otherwise, as “her baby has stopped drinking haldi milk, and instead prefers badam milk”!
For a mother, her child is her priority, but I should seriously think it is the same for both the mothers. Then why are only the husband’s mothers so obsessed? If you have chosen your daughter in law, give her some space and trust so that she can build a harmonious relationship with you and your adult baby, and if you can’t do so, it would be better if you keep your son tucked to your saree pallu instead of getting him married!
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: YouTube
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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