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As A Woman I’m ‘Expected’ To Compromise, But I Will Only If I Want To!

Living your life by your own convictions is a real need of today's women, and we are usually unhappy when we are 'required' to compromise, unlike when the compromise is our own decision.

Living your life by your own convictions is a real need of today’s women, and we are usually unhappy when we are ‘required’ to compromise, unlike when the compromise is our own decision.

How important is it to be yourself? How much of yourself are you willing to let go of? What is the threshold beyond which you are not willing to change or compromise? These are questions that have often riddled me, and they also amuse me because I know they are rhetorical questions.

Hasn’t the lord God made us all unique in our own ways? Don’t each of us belong to a different DNA structure, that sets us apart from the next person in the world? Then why is it, that we are so fond of identifying ourselves with someone, something, some place, some society, some galaxy…

Trying to ‘fit in’

I don’t know about everyone else in the world, but I am often caught in a fierce battle between these factors. I have trouble understanding how people suddenly let go of their individualism to fit into some strata of identification. From the time a child is in their teens until the day they die, they are seen trying to fit in, and they try the strangest of tactics to prove themselves worthy of such a fit. It becomes worse when the fitting in becomes a habit for this person, because then they even start liking it all.

There is a constant need to please everyone around us by saying things we think are proper, doing things we think are safe, and then going ahead and continuing to live your life this way. Of course a certain amount of control is necessary, otherwise there would be anarchy, and people would only go about doing things as they please, hurting everyone in the long run. That’s where my question comes again…

Making a compromise

There are situations that demand compromise, such as a kidnapping, a battle, political turmoil etc, but when the compromise extends beyond your inherent lives, it starts taking a toll on you. You begin to wonder if you are any different from the millions of people who live life this way…sorry I should have used the word ‘exist’ not ‘live’…

Change is good, but only when it comes from within you, not when it is forced. Forced change is ridiculous, as it only lasts a short period. Sooner or later, the DNA dacoit inside you begins poking your brain cells to urge you to come back to your original self..

Maintaining a ‘neutral’ stance is even worse. I’ve seen and met people who’d much rather sleep with their eyes open, than take part in something controversial that involves them. They think they are doing the right thing by keeping a dignified silence, but in reality, there is nothing close to ‘dignified’ about it. They are just sissies who don’t have the gumption to come out in the open about themselves.

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Own your decisions and actions

Whatever decisions I have taken in life have been my own. Nobody has influenced or forced me to live my life a certain way, and when they have, their coercion has been met with a dignified resistance.

I don’t remember my parents forcing me to change myself in any way. I respect them, and I respect myself. I feel sometimes that my brain isn’t wise enough yet, or learned enough, and that is when I ‘ask’ for advice. That is when I ‘take’ their advice, not when it is force fed into me. I dislike compromise of any kind, although there is hardly a man in this world who has not made it. I have also had my fair share of compromises to deal with… more so, after a certain point in life, but I’m happy if the compromise comes out of my own thinking, and I feel there is a positive outcome to it. Not when it is expected of me. That is plain ridiculous…for even when I’ve had to bow down to its pressure, I’ve always ended up feeling miserable about myself, and have had to answer to this DNA dacoit of mine, who asks me incessant questions after every unwanted compromise…

One such situation compelled me to write this down.

Image source: shutterstock


About the Author

Deenaz Raisinghani

I am an Indian mom to a lively three and a half year old. Married to the Olive Greens. Bitten by the travel bug. I have backpacked across 14 countries and travelled within 21 states read more...

4 Posts | 11,400 Views

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