Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
You may feel lonely at times because you don’t have someone you can fall back upon at any time. But what about making this person who is always with you, your best friend?
“And if I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself?” ~ Anonymous
I know, I know, for some of you it will be like the toughest task under the sun to choose that one best friend amongst many, for some of you one face will pop up instantly, and for many of you it will be like no one in the frame. But, how many of you can actually raise your hand and boldly say “I am my own best friend”?
All the time, we invest our energy into taking care of others and being our best selves to serve others, but unfortunately, we forget to show the same love and compassion to ourselves.
Try something different this time, choose your own self before anyone and everyone. No, it’s not being selfish, it’s about self-love.
At the end of the day the longest relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself, so let’s be our own best friend. Believe in yourself; make this your self-love mantra: that you don’t need anyone to make you happy and to complete you. You are not desperately seeking anyone else to help you live the life you want. You are the most precious person in your own little world, it’s high time that you invest in yourself.
“Lift up the self by the Self
And don’t let the self-droop down,
For the Self is the self’s only friend
And the self is the Self’s only foe.” ~ Bhagavad Gita 6:5
Don’t you think it’s an amazing idea? If you are still not convinced, here are pretty good reasons to do this:
Even in a crowd of near and dears ones, in some moment of our life, we have felt alone. We know that everybody who left us when we needed them most, had their own reasons for doing so. The times when we could not make it to their priority list, for whom we never checked our schedule. When nobody was there, you stood up strong for yourself, that strength that never left your side, that courage that made you stand up again, that spirit that never let you fall, and that will that lead you to your way.
That inner self who stood by you through everything surely deserves to be your best friend?
Whenever left alone, we try to run away from that loneliness as well as from ourselves. we have actually forgotten how to enjoy our own company, how to love ourselves. Before any other relationship, our first bond is with our own self but we neglect it the most. Why we never think of knowing and discovering more about ourselves.
Let’s pledge to uncover what we are made of. In this solitude let’s find out how our dreams look, who we truly are. I am sure then you will not be scared of this lonely space anymore.
Self-love and self-compassion is the base of our all other relationships. When we love ourselves, when we give ourselves time to connect to our core, we get free from the clutches of illusional perfectionism, guilt, and self-doubts.
When we have a real relationship with ourselves, we realise how we want to be treated, what we actually deserve. We stop depending on others for love and attention. We become capable of handling odds and hurts. We no longer remain a liability on the other person and our relationship improves. And, you will definitely start respecting yourself and worry less about the judgements and opinions of others.
You feel much more confident and content when you free yourself from expectations and dependency on others. When you are connected to your real self you set and manage expectations aptly, because you are more attentive to your mental outlook now. When we no more bind our happiness to others we actually take control and responsibility of our own happiness which is so very healthy.
As Tolstoy said, “Don’t look for happiness, create it”. You have it all in you and you are more than enough. The moment you realise this, ‘to be happy’ won’t be a task anymore.
I believe this is the most important part of bonding with your inner-self. That not only do you realise your strengths and boost your confidence, but you become and reflect what you truly are.
When you are completely yourself and not pretending to be someone else, you attract the right kind of people towards yourself. When you stop trying to desperately fit into social groups, you come into contact with your own kind of friends. Then your relationships will be based on your true self, not on dependency and needs, and those kind of relationships are healthier and last longer.
“When you learn to love your own company, you become far more careful about whom you spend your time with.” ~ Katrina Mayer
And how exactly do you become your own best friend?
The drill is to know yourself, believe in your strengths and don’t judge your flaws.
Be confident of who you truly are. Self-acceptance is the key to the personal growth and happiness. Accept your mistakes and embrace your failures so that you can work upon them and be a better version of yourself. Remove the guilt, forgive yourself and trust yourself that you can do better. Stop all forms of critical self-judgment. Self-analysis is healthy and is fine but self-doubts should not be allowed to roar louder than self-love. Give yourself the respect you deserve.
“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.” ~ William Shakespeare
You have to choose your own company because you need your time for yourself, not because there is no other option available to deal with loneliness. You lose yourself when you depend too much on others, and also it is equally draining when someone else depends on you.
Hence you have to choose those moments of solitude to nurture yourself. You need your energy to heal your hurts, you need your time to learn new things, you need to develop your hobbies and passion and so much more.
Yes, It’s important to help others, but learn to put your needs and concern on top of the priority list and be there for yourself. Make some time out for yourself and let no one cut in.
To discover the life you want or the life you deserve, it’s very important to explore and move out of your comfort zone.
Don’t be dependent on others to uplift you or to help you with life. Take your own risks and make your own mistakes, but push past your limits to create your life. Sit with yourself, help yourself manage all the negativity and weak points of your personality. Make this your aim to make yourself better and stronger by each passing day so that you don’t have to depend or need someone to realise your life goals.
“True self-discovery begins where your comfort zone ends.” ~ Adam Braun.
Remember as I said earlier, don’t try to fit in, don’t try to change yourself just to get the approval of or be friends with someone. This doesn’t go long way, my dear.
Don’t be ashamed if you are not like them; it’s OK, the point is you have to be true to yourself. It’s OK if you feel that at this moment you don’t belong anywhere. Maybe you are unique and maybe these are not your people.
No, I am not just preaching, I myself have always been a square peg in a round hole, and I like it that way.
You routine plays an important role in this journey. I would always suggest pay attention to your daily details. Start your day with happiness and motivation. It may be your favourite coffee, or read something that inspires you, hug your partner and your kids, do anything that instantly uplifts you.
Yes, exercise is a must for your emotional and physical well being. Anything and everything that recharges you will work. Carve out time for your hobbies and passion. Plan on doing something new, try not to get stuck in routines.
Yes I know, you have heard and read it a zillion times, but do you have any clear idea that how to do it? Have you started practising it? Look, it will not happen in an instant; it requires practice and consistency. If you think it’s just a fix to erase out the loneliness, then you are wrong. It’s a lifestyle.
Indulge in the activities that you feel passionate about. Be it music, dance, painting – anything, and the point is to do it alone. When you go for your sports activities or hobby classes you don’t seek someone else’s company, you learn and enjoy being on your own. If being alone is not depressive or scary anymore but becomes your revitalising therapy then it means that you have achieved it.
Friendship day has just gone by, but maybe you don’t need to wait for a special ‘day’ to do this.
Give yourself a break from your routine. Take yourself out on a movie date or theatre as you prefer.
Rejuvenate yourself by scheduling your appointment with the spa and salon.
Wear your favourite dress; just for a day when you look in the mirror ignore those flaws, feel the prettiest and put on your favourite lipstick. Click and post selfies.
Make a list of all of your favourite songs and just turn on the playlist.
Make a list of that 2-3 fun and adventurous things you always wanted to do.
Beat those glares and take a drive during sunset.
Have a fine dinner, or your favourite street food.
Come home, take a shower and read your favourite book, and before you go to sleep and your day ends, do the following two things. First, write down your list of achievements that will make you feel accomplished and confident. The second thing is, count all your blessings and end your beautiful day with the gratitude and positivity.
Don’t you feel happier already?
Now do it and feel amazing about your day. These little things will definitely put your mind in a happy state and a positive place. Often big problems in life have simpler solutions, it’s just that we don’t take that first step. Once you fall in love with yourself, you will never be lonely anymore. The moment you realise that no-one can disturb your peace of mind and treat you less because you yourself control your own happiness, trust me, life will become easier.
“Everyone else will leave or you might have to leave someone someday. Nothing stays forever, no matter how hard you try. But you will always find this one person standing right beside you, that’s your best friend, and that is You, Yourself.” ~ SauraBhavna
A version of this was published earlier at the author’s blog.
Image source: pexels
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