Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
If somebody tells you their #MeToo story, it's likely that it is the first time they are speaking about it. Here's what NOT to do when they are speaking.
If somebody tells you their #MeToo story, it’s likely that it is the first time they are speaking about it. Here’s what NOT to do when they are speaking.
When somebody tells you about their ‘me too’ that happened many years ago, listen to them. Do not interrupt with quick fixes. Do not tell them that it could have been worse or to close that chapter and move on, or don’t take them out for drinks before they finish. Just listen.
They have been planning this moment for a while now- debating about whether to tell you or not. This is probably the first time those emotions have found words – know that they are talking over the voice in their head that goes, ” Shhh…” So please refrain from thinking about a response when they pauses for breath. Today, just listen and stay.
It’s OK if you don’t know what to do with the information they have confided in you. They have been alone and lonely with their ‘shame’ for so long. This is their way of taking back control – of baring their soul. They don’t expect you to turn into a superhero and beat up the bad guy. Nor to anger you into wanting to thrash somebody to bits. They are just trying to explain the occasional coldness, their lack of blind trust, or the boundaries around them that they guard with their lives; hoping that you will understand. So please, please do not make this about you. Please don’t be mad at them for not telling you earlier. They were just afraid of dimming down your light with their darkness that they have grown to fear.
They are still the same person that you knew till yesterday. Nothing has changed. They have just taken a major leap of faith.
You may feel like you are walking on egg shells as you listen. But today, your friend is walking on a mine field, knowing full well that if this step turns out to be wrong, they will withdraw into that person you have known till this moment, never being able to forgive themselves for being stupid enough to believe that somebody could understand what they were saying. They will never dare to speak of it again. So please listen. This is important.
You may ask questions about how they dealt with it. But please do not ask why they were out at that time, or why they were alone in the room with somebody, or why did their brain freeze when it happened. Trust me, they have been beating themselves up with the same questions every day. They don’t need to hear it from you.
You can tell them that you didn’t know that stuff like this could happen. You can tell them that what happened was wrong, that it was not OK, that you’re sorry that it even happened. You can tell them that you are OK if they want to set boundaries in your relationship. You can ask them what you can do to help.
You can thank them for trusting you enough to tell you this.
Even if you are the kind of person that instantly feels better with a hug, today, ask them if it is ok to hug them before giving them one, and know that from now on, you are more trusted than the rest of the people in their life.
Published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock
Doctor, ambivert. Her voice stutters; her pen doesn't . read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
Please enter your email address