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Do you grapple with feelings of self-doubt? This poem will appeal to you.
I am tired of the feeling that meekly presents itself every now and then.
In the silence of the night, it whispers, you are not good enough.
I brush it off as a silly thought many times, but it just stays to play hide and seek,
In my most vulnerable times, it finds its voice to make its point.
The entire world that I had created around me suddenly appears to be a mere attempt
To keep me safe from feeling mediocre.
The deeper I bury my failures, the taller I build the walls of reasoning
The dreams don’t present themselves anymore, for I have long forgotten to recognize them.
Years I have spent cementing the layers of pretentious success, that I couldn’t care less.
And tired of tirelessly pleasing the people around me…
For what is left, seems like I have been living a lie the entire time
And there is no way I could connect anymore to myself
I must be gifted right? Everyone is.
but i never trusted mine to be any good.
I went on to play their game, I won some, I lost some,
but in this maddening race called life, I forgot how to love my own uniqueness.
Not a desire, not a dream, not a single wish I would want to scream,
maybe that’s why, its coming back to haunt me,
In the shallowness of life lived, to say, I am not good enough,
To provoke me, to knock some sense into me,
For I ain’t a bad player. I just chose the wrong race.
In fact life never was a race that I believed it to be.
Maybe its too late already, Maybe I could never make It alright
May be I will continue to live a life without knowing how to love myself
But I make a sincere promise, to the voice that tells me I am no good,
I will not be mocked, I will not bow down, and I will never ever give up on my dreams like I have always done.
Try me, try me one last time, this time may be with some love?
First published here.
Image via Pexels
For now, lets just say, a woman who wants to speak her mind. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Being a writer, Nivedita Louis recognises the struggles of a first-time woman writer and helps many articulate their voice with development, content edits as a publisher.
“I usually write during night”, says author Nivedita Louis during our conversation. Chuckling she continues,” It’s easier then to focus solely on writing. Nivedita Louis is a writer, with varied interests and one of the founders of Her Stories, a feminist publishing house, based in Chennai.
In a candid conversation she shared her journey from small-town Tamil Nadu to becoming a history buff, an award-winning author and now a publisher.
Nivedita was born and raised in a small town in Tamil Nadu. It was for schooling that she first arrived in Chennai. Then known as Madras, she recalls being awed by the city. Her love-story with the city, its people and thus began which continues till date. She credits her perseverance and passion to make a difference to her days as a vocational student among the elite sections of Madras.
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