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Dear Judgementalists, It’s Time You Stop Poking Your Noses Into Our Lives

Every girl irrespective of her age and what she does, she will be constantly judged by other people. Here are some tips from the author, for asking those judgemrntalists to mind their own business and leave us alone.

Every woman irrespective of her age and what she does, she will be constantly judged by other people. Here are some tips from the author, for asking those ‘others’ to mind their own business and leave us alone. 

Before I start writing on the topic at hand, let me make a clarification, this phrase ‘judgementalist’ is not a creation of my intellect, but inspired by this entertaining video on youtube. Its quite a popular video featuring Rani Mukherjee, who conducts classes for people with an intention to cure them of judgementalism or the irritating habit of judging other people. She is even successful at the end, but truth is very different from fiction at times.

In reality the hope of curing this annoying affliction is next to impossible, because most people affected by this syndrome don’t even think that something is wrong with them. So, the poor souls at the receiving end of these judgement doling specialists are the ones who need to brace themselves. Lets face it, most of the times it’s us, the members of the female species who are at the receiving end.

Before the men scream gender discrimination, let me say these tips for tackling the ire of ‘judgementalitis’ are conceived from experience and men out there are welcome to add more of their own.

From my experience afflicted for years now, I can vouch for one thing – the target of judgement can be of any age, be it 6 or 65. Let’s look at some of the judgements aimed at specific age group and the response required to deal with them at the first instance itself.

Age 10

Scenario 1

“You are playing all the time in the sun, you are going to turn dark.”

Effective Response: “You spend all your time seeing me out in the sun, so I will have company getting darkened.”

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Scenario 2

“Why are you running around like a boy and climbing trees? It would be so nice seeing you behave like a girl.”

Effective response: “Why are you always spying on me to change me completely, it would be so nice to see you put in that effort at improving yourself.”

Age 16

Scenario 1

“What kind of clothes are these, t-shirts showing your arms bare, such tight jeans, what has happened to our culture?”

Effective Response: “People unnecessarily trying to demean others, forcing their choices on them, what happened to our culture of inclusiveness and acceptance, there is no respect left for our culture.”

Scenario 2

“I saw you come back with a boy yesterday evening, this is not at all acceptable behaviour.”

Effective Response: “Spying one me, keeping a tab on my moments, this is just not acceptable behaviour.”

Age 18

Scenario 1

“What am I hearing, you are planning to move to another city for education, girls staying away from home are not going to bring any good for the family.”

Effective Response:” What am I hearing, you are trying to sabotage somebody else’s career plans before it have even taken shape, all this discouraging is not going to bring about any good.”

Scenario 2

“You are doing a course in aviation, that industry is no good for girls.”

Effective Response: “Your job is to collect personal information about people around you and discourage them, it is doing no good to anybody.”

Age 23

Scenario 1

“Your studies are complete, you have started working, now get married soon.”

Effective Response: “You have been spending years contemplating futures of people more, now spending some time on personal reforms as well.”

Scenario 2

“You return this late from work. How will you manage things after marriage?”

Effective Response: “You spend so much time keeping tab on others moments, how do you manage things at home, must be time strapped na?”

Age 26/27

Scenario 1

“You are married now, dressing in trousers and shirts like this doesn’t look good.”

Effective Response: “I didn’t know seeing married people in trousers and shirts is so disturbing to you, I’ll tell your son from tomorrow to only step out in dhoti and kurta, be it work or anywhere.”

Scenario 2

“So when are you giving the good news?” (the most annoying one)

Effective Response: Which one do you want to hear first, let me start with how I managed to make the perfect round roti finally, my appraisal this year has been really good, I managed to get up 5 minutes before the alarm went off and the best of the lot Radha bai came to work 10 minutes early today.”

Scenario 3

“What is this? Your husband is in the kitchen, that’s a women’s area.”

Effective Response: “Don’t worry, our kitchen is a unisex area, isn’t yours?

Age mid 30’s

Scenario 1

“You are away all day and the poor child is deprived of maternal care. that’s so sad.”

Effective Response: “You are walking around all day, deriding and belittling anyone and everyone you find, you are such a noble soul, sacrificing personal and family time in your quest to bring the supposed shortcomings of others to the forefront.”

Scenario 2

“So you decided to leave your job for good, what use are all those degrees now?”

Effective Response: “You are still the discouraging gossip monger, of what use have all these years, you have spent on the planet been?”

At 45+

Scenario 1

“Look at your skin and hair, so life less. You are getting out of shape.”

Effective Response: “Still judging people by appearances, your thought process is getting narrower by the day.”

Scenario 2

“Such a bright colored gown at this age, what were you thinking?”

Effective Response: “Such cliched mentality, why don’t you widen your thinking?”

Age 60-65+

Mother of a Son

“You are too liberal with your daughter in law, be careful you will lose power.”

Effective Response: I live in a residential home, not the parliament house, where I have to make others walk the party line and remind them of house decorum.”

Mother of a Daughter

“What! you are going to spend a month at your married daughter’s place? That is not our culture.”

Effective Response: “Why are you so bothered about other people’s decisions that does not concern you? That is no sign of good culture for sure.”

The after effect of these responses is not going to be pleasant, but the act of judging itself erodes any pleasantness that could have been there. Before people term these responses as rude, well there is a saying, “As you sow, so shall you reap.” If you are rude, you can’t expect the other person to be pleasant to you. After reading this if you come up with more effective scenarios and responses, feel free to share them as the only way of combating judgementalitis is bracing yourself against them.

To all those who find happiness and pleasure in judging others, well you are only making a public show of your insecurities. A person who feel happy by deriding or belittling others can’t be a secure and happy person by judging someone. And that’s exactly what you do.

Image source video cited in the article

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About the Author

Parvadavardini Sethuraman

A dreamer by passion and an Advocate by profession. Mother to an ever energetic and curious little princess. I long to see the day when Gender equality is a reality in the world. read more...

88 Posts | 302,875 Views

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