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Having lost a lot of weight for health reasons, I am still shamed as “that fat girl”, but while it still hurts, I have made my peace with it.
Walking down the street, sitting with your friends in a pub or while window shopping, some of us might have passed comments on passer-bys like, “How fat is that girl?” or “How dark is that man?” or “Man, that chick is ugly!”
I am sure most of you can relate to this. Some of you are the ones who have passed these snide comments, and some of you have been on the receiving end of the comments.
We as humans are born with the need to form an opinion. Opinions are good, judgements are not! You don’t know what that supposedly fat girl is suffering from or how hard she is trying to lose weight. Do you know that the guy you just called dark may be an amazing human being who supports an NGO for the elderly? Every person that walks by is living a story of their own. One single glance at them and forming a judgement is as good as reading one sentence of a novel midway and saying it is a bad read!
I have been a “healthy” child all my life. You can read healthy as fat or obese in this case. At the age of 28 years I weighed 136 kgs and was at the brink of the onset of major depression.
Growing up I was used to be being bullied, made fun of or insulted for being fat. I was constantly judged based on my appearance rather than my actual talent or worth. I have lived through tears every time I tried on clothes which didn’t fit or stepped out of a ride because I was too over-weight for it. I was blessed to have grown up with an attitude of self-confidence, otherwise my life would have fallen like a pile of cards every time someone made fun of me based on my appearance.
But two years back, while on a trek in the USA, I realised that this was taking a toll on my health, and promised myself a healthier life. There was and still is no looking back over that decision.
I started my weight loss journey in October’16 and today after almost a year and half I am 55 kgs lighter. Yes, to my own disbelief and of most of the people I know, I have lost a whopping 55 kgs. The journey has been phenomenal. It has made me realise my own strengths, weakness and abilities.
Most people who meet me after a long time, fail to recognize me because of the drastic transformation. I can now shop from any clothing outlet and feel the thrill of wearing clothes I always wanted to wear. So much has changed for me, but today I realised that some things will always remain the same.
So, I was in an elevator with a kid and his mother as I was on my way back home. The kid meets me quite a few times in the elevator. As I stepped out of the elevator today, and the door was about to close behind me, the kid turns to his mother and says, “How fat is that girl?”
I stilled in my attempt to unlock the door, because a simple statement took me back to the year I was 136 kgs and after having lost 55 kgs and walking a path of so many challenges, difficulties, pain and tears I was once again that fat girl. I wanted to scream out loud. I wanted to hurt someone really badly. Will I never ever be just a girl? What does one have to do to be good enough? Is anything ever good enough?
As I entered my house and fired up the laptop to pen this down, I realised one thing as I calmed down.
I am perfectly fine being ordinary. I am fine being me. I accept my being the way it is. Nothing I ever do, will be enough to please everyone. I was fat at 136 kgs for most people, I am fat at 78 kgs for some people and I will still be fat for many people at 67 kgs! But I was completely bogged down by such negative comments at 136 kgs, I am now amused by such comments at 78 kgs even though it hurt, and I will simply smile over similar comments at 67 kgs.
Friends, love yourself. Everything else can wait. Accept your weaknesses and failures, and work towards them but don’t wait for someone else to validate or appreciate your efforts. Next time you make fun of someone’s appearance, remember they might be a journey to change their own destiny. Don’t bog them down with such negativity. Be kind, be human.
Image source: pixabay
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