Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Initially, if I got upset, angry or sad, I chose not to express it to Mr Husband and just kept mum. Thinking that I might push him away. We all have been there, right!
We lock up our angst somewhere in our heart. We feel it’s our responsibility to bring happiness into his life and in our marriage, as a wife. We either decide to ignore our emotions, or we hide them behind smiles and try to put on a good show. It’s so draining.
Being connected to your emotions and wanting to share them is healthy. When you become aware of your feelings and know how to share those, you will see that it actually strengthens your communication with your partner. When you hide those feeling beneath, what actually happens is, slowly the pressure starts building up inside and then suddenly your pain threshold is hit which results in outbursts. During such Emotional outbursts as we know, we can’t have a conversation and can’t reach any conclusions.
I noticed that after every fight, suddenly Mr Husband would start avoiding the issue and trying to act normal, as if nothing had happened. I was hurt. How could he ignore everything and be so unaffected?
I let it go 2-3 times without realising that all of that was accumulating inside, and I was all bottled up. And one day I had an outburst.
Sobbing and feeling terrifically upset I asked,“How could you leave me alone, knowing that I am upset?”
In a heavy voice, he said, “Tell me honestly, did I? It’s impossible to talk to you when you are so agitated, you don’t listen. If I explain, you assume that I am defending myself and you get even more hurt. We don’t reach any solution this way. The only option left for me at that moment was to give you some time to relax and re-think. My purpose was to provide you with some space, not to leave you alone. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, but respecting each other is more important than love. Rather than shouting and blaming, I prefer to sit and talk.“
All I was assuming was wrong he was not trying to escape. Not sharing my emotions at right time didn’t fix it, it worsened the situation. What I learnt is expressing and sharing your feelings doesn’t push your man away but when you accumulate and burst later it disturbs them more.
Try to speak about your feelings when they first arise. Sharing will make him love you more.
Take your time, observe and identify your emotion. Talk about what caused it. The intensity of your emotions is not very high initially and you also have enough patience to listen to what your husband has to say. It will clear out misunderstandings and in turn, will save you from assumptions and absurdities in future conflicts.
Changing anything in behaviour is a challenge. Just trust the process. Prepare yourself, practise it consciously and work hard. There will be relapses, it’s natural. Don’t stop but learn from it and get back. Of course, support of your man in this is a must. That’s why I would really like to request all the men out there to build a strong support system. Assure your woman that she will be heard attentively and won’t be judged for any of her feelings. If she is still conscious of sharing then you have to take the initiative and ask her how she is feeling or is she alright.
At times, we ourself fail to notice our bad mood and the reason behind it. So it’s wrong to expect your husband to know everything that bothers you, without you even telling him. Faking a smile when you are tearing up inside won’t help you nor your marriage. Sharing and talking about negative emotions will provide you with the opportunity to be closer and make your bond even stronger with more honesty and authenticity.
So you tell me, do you still think it’s better to Shut down your feelings and hiding them? I would ask you to just try it for a month and see how it works for you guys.
All the best !!! ♥♥
First published here.
Image via Unsplash
I am a Stay-At-Home-Wife and a dog-mom. Little girl who always believed in fairy-tales grown up to be a woman who is now living one of her own. The main read more...
This post has published with none or minimal editorial intervention. Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
Please enter your email address