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I am a bisexual teenager. While coming out to my mom and a small set of friends has been a positive experience, I hope that I will be able to come out openly some time.
I realised I was bisexual at the age of 15 and a half.
I had never met another queer person in my life, although I had seen them on the internet. I realised I liked girls when I got a crush on my best friend. Looking back, I can see that I’d had crushes on girls before, and there is evidence in my diary that points to it, but I hadn’t realised it at the time because no one had ever told me that it was possible for girls to like girls.
I came out to my mother about a month after I came out to myself. She took it well, but said that she was worried about me because society might not be very accepting of who I was. She remains worried even now, but is aggressively supportive of my identity, something that makes me very happy.
I came out to a few of my friends in the next few months. The one I had had a crush on told me that she didn’t want to hurt me but she didn’t feel the same way about me, when I told her about my crush too. She’s been very supportive since as a friend, and her behaviour towards me has not changed one bit. Other friends I have told also took it well, with a couple other friends coming out as queer too, some time after I did.
There was a period of time in which I considered the label “pansexual”. Pansexuality is defined as attraction to all genders, or attraction regardless of gender, while bisexuality is defined as attraction to two or more genders. They overlap, but the distinction is important to some people. I’ve decided to stick with bisexual because I’m already comfortable with that label. I’ve found that that is the most important thing: being comfortable in my identity is more important than proving it to others, using labels that others think would fit me better, or anything else of the sort. Because it’s my identity and no one else really knows what my experience is with it.
One of the things that helped me become comfortable with my identity and answer a lot of questions about it was Tumblr. Whatever its problems, the Tumblr community is a very welcoming and affirming community for LGBT+ people. One blog that helped me especially was Letters to LGBT Kids, which has posts signed “Tumblr Mom” that explain identities and issues in a very loving and helpful voice. Another Tumblr blog that helped me was Gettin’ Bi. It’s an advice blog for bi people, and they give very detailed answers based on your specific issue.
Apart from that, Tumblr also gave me access to other queer people and their experiences, and has made me feel less alone on multiple occasions.
LGBT+ fiction and music have also been very important. They’ve exposed me to other queer experiences, while also telling me that things can get better than what I have, since despite me having had an almost entirely positive experience coming out, living in India as a queer person still isn’t all that can be desired. LGBT+ books and songs have let me dream of a life in which I can be out and proud, march in pride parades, maybe have a partner, and so much more.
As of now, my plan is to study and work to get out of India and possibly live abroad until Article 377 is overturned or modified so it no longer bans same-sex relationships. I don’t know what’s ahead, but I hope to someday be able to be openly queer and openly proud!
Happy Pride Month 2018!
Image source: pexels
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