A story of love, loss and second chances by Nikita Singh, releasing this Valentine’s Day.
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Divorce is still a stigma in India, and not many would want to marry a divorcee, but hopefully as we mature as a modern society, this will change.
There are two ways one reacts to the topic of this article- either with positivity or with extreme curiosity (or should I say negativity) about the usage of the two words ‘marry’ and ‘divorcee’ together.
The first thought that comes to your mind decides which side you stand with – the acceptors or the frowners. The acceptors being the ones who understand the phenomenon of divorce (either by experience or empathy) and accept it as the way of life, and the frowners being the ones who look down upon and discriminate on the basis of a failed marriage.
Divorce is an occurrence just like marriage, childbirth, breakup or the minute one decides to live in. It is an outcome of a failed marriage, just like any other failed relationship. While we have countless examples of breakups, saas-bahu bitterness, sibling bond collapse and joint family disintegrations, the most gossiped about one is divorce.
A failed relationship doesn’t mean a failed person. Just like people can have fallouts with their friends, siblings, in laws and parents, a fallout with your spouse which is irreversible is a divorce. Does a failed relation mean a failed person? No, it means a relationship, a partnership which was not mendable and the best way to deal with it was to end the commitment itself.
Our society gives second chances to all survivors- cancer patients, drug rehabilitated youth and even petty lawbreakers; then why do we ogle at a divorcee or a person undergoing it? Most divorcees I knew were completely ostracized by their own extended family and friends. People want to distance themselves from him or her, and put all existing connections on freeze mode. Just when it is time to show solidarity and boost the morale of someone undergoing a rough patch of life like this, our society makes sure he or she suffers and suffers in solitude.
A decade ago inter-caste and inter-religion marriage were unheard of, but look around nowadays and it has become the norm. Similarly, as our society matures socially and becomes financially more developed, remarriage will also become acceptable in the Indian setup. And those days are not far when people will start being empathetic towards divorcees.
This is not to hope that the rate of failed marriages goes up, but that the negativity associated with the word diminishes from the social fabric.
I married a divorcee and not for bringing about any social revolution but for love. When we met and started dating we were fully cognizant of each other’s backgrounds. As friends we had had the transparency to know what the past was and as we grew fond of each other we could see beyond it to dream of a future together. Obviously it was difficult to get the parents to understand but with multiple rounds of discussion, confrontations and meetings with my partner and family, we could turn the tide.
Any marriage needs special efforts just like any other relationship. Building trust and open communication are critical. So is essential to be aware of the differences and overcome them one step at a time. Extra efforts need to be made to establish credibility and acceptance with the spouse’s family, friends and other folks who matter. People might even question the other partner’s credentials, but like they say love can conquer all wars and this one will definitely bring a difference in the social lens in the times to come.
Image source: shutterstock
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