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Misogyny is everywhere, but we can ensure that we do not allow it in our own homes, and make enough noise to make others around us aware of it.
An ex once told me that if I don’t lose my weight, he’d have difficulty introducing me to his relatives. I worked hard on reducing it.
When I achieved his appreciation in that matter, he told me that until I cook his cuisine and speak his language, I won’t be able to ‘win the hearts’ of his family. After all, his family had to be impressed if I wanted to be ‘treated like a daughter and not a daughter-in-law’ (this generally means basic respect, nothing substantial). And then I worked hard to achieve that.
Then he said that I shouldn’t raise my voice because in his house women don’t laugh loudly or speak loudly. There has to be a ‘basic decency’ to be maintained.
He said I would be ‘allowed’ to visit my mom’s place once in two months or so because he ‘understands’ my mom is alone and would need my support (This probably was the most generous thing I heard from him).
He also said that whenever I menstruate, I’d have my own utensils etc. for my food and that he would love me ‘no matter what’ because although his family won’t touch me, because I’d be impure in ‘those’ days, he would make sure that he’d still ‘support’ me even then with all the generosity.
Then he also said that he doesn’t like my face when I am sad, that everytime he sees me I should be ‘happy and smiling’ because that’s how I’d be able to help ‘him’ get over his fatigue of the day-to-day life. That’s my ‘duty’.
And this guy is a ‘progressive’ post-graduate working in a reputed MNC.
I tolerated it all like an idiot, and then obviously in the face of all the irrationality, one day I burst in flames.
But, but, but, the point is – misogyny is ALL around us, and those who say that educated people do not indulge in it are blind. It is right here, amidst us, and is staring at every woman in her face everyday.
Sometimes subtle, sometimes VERY obvious.
Denial will only make you look like a fool.
Whether you accept it or not, no one gives a flying fuck. But if you do accept it, ensure you don’t allow it in your own home. That’d be enough for a start.
First published on the author’s Facebook page
Image source: pixabay
Writes about feminism, books, food and social issues ! read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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