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The recent case of honour-killing that took place in Kerala, shook us as it is the second such case in the state which highlights that honour- killing is not confined to North India as many think.
We tend to think of honour killings as incidents that happen in North Indian states like Haryana and Uttar Pradesh. But, it seems we are mistaken.
I personally used to think of honour killings as the stuff of movies, like the brilliant Marathi-language film, Sairat,or rare crimes that happened in some faraway places. It was never real to me in the way other crimes such as rape were. Obviously, I thought it was a terrible crime, but I adopted a rather distant attitude towards it assuming it happened only in certain parts of the country that I had never been to (clearly, a very problematic approach to the issue). Turns out, that’s not the case.
In 2016, in Udumalpet in Tiruppur district of western Tamil Nadu, a Dalit man called Sankar was murdered by goons arranged by his wife Kausalya’s family (they were of the Thevar community – a different caste).
And recently, the happiness of a newly married couple in Kerala was abruptly brought to an end due to the abduction and killing of the husband. This is the second case of honour killing in the state and it is ironical as Kerala is the state with the highest literacy rate.
Neenu and Kevin fell in love and married each other against the wishes of her family. Her family could not take the ‘dishonour’ brought to them. So, Neenu’s brother led a gang that kidnapped Kevin and his relative, Anish – they killed Kevin and severely injured Anish. It is truly tragic that such a thing happened at all, and the fact that it has happened before and continues to happen all over India is utterly devastating!
The problem seems to lie in Indians’ continued belief in the sanctity of caste – many of us just can’t seem to accept the validity of inter-caste marriages. Especially if the woman is from the upper caste, because a family’s ‘honour’ is tied inextricably to its women because of patriarchy. Caste is also passed down through the father, so if a woman marries a man of a lower caste, then their child will not be of her caste which causes huge outrage in the woman’s family members. This is why, even in ancient India, Anuloma(marriage of a lower caste woman to a higher caste man)was considered more acceptable than Pratiloma (marriage of a higher caste woman to a lower caste man). Controlling women is absolutely necessary to keep a caste ‘pure’.
Patriarchy and the caste system combine to give Indian society one of its biggest social evils – honour killings. And this particular social evil is not restricted to any one part of India. It’s a disease that has seeped into every cell of the nation! We have to cure ourselves of it. We have to fight against it. We have to stand up for ourselves and others. Let us make sure that the dictum, “All Indians are my brothers and sisters”, does not remain a mere pledge we forced ourselves to say everyday in school.
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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