Connect with like minded women from the industry and leaders from Corporate circles and let’s listen to some truly inspiring stories of women who have gone beyond their comfort zones! Join us on 9th August, in Bangalore for WICA 2019
A bully who hurts others is reeling under some pain themselves. Which is how trolls happen. How can someone help themselves if they find themselves in pain?
Pain kills pain. What does that statement exactly mean? That more severe pain can overcome distress caused by a smaller one, or does that mean causing pain to others can reduce your pain? At least few believe the latter option to be true.
Human minds have this unique talent of interpreting facts to ones convenience and misconstrued thoughts completely. That’s why we see people using different methods to escape their worries, like trying to bail out their hurt and irritation by giving pain to others.
Sadness can sometimes turn into a drug… one then tends to depend on and make it an excuse for the actions one commits, as justification for the person one has become.
If you have had a bad day, your basic tendency is to snap at the first person who gives you the slightest opportunity. You have a tendency to rub this irritation of yours on to the first soft target you meet. You just want to make sure that the other person also gets a share of what you are going through.
This soft target can be your subordinate or the guy who honks at you in traffic. At home it can be either your parents or spouse, or child, which is the worse part. In our turmoil we often tend to clink on to the nearest trees and end up hurting our closest or dearest people the most.
The justification you most often give for your action is your suffering.
“You don’t know what I am going through” is your explanation to others and most ironically to your own conscience.
Yes you are going through a lot, but is that a justification for ending up causing hurt to others through your actions? We realise that we need to see beyond ourself, but are so stuck with ourselves and our issues that we conveniently overlook that.
Most of us have those times when we feel nothing is working right. It feels like one has lost the last iota of hope and faith which makes things even worse, because then you are not left with even the drive to try. One tends to relapse into that self drenching sorrow and we just need a source to vent.
These days one of the easiest option to vent is social media. A lot of people unleash their frustrations by using celebs as punching bags. People continuously take the trouble of stalking them and reaching their walls just to inform them how much they hate them or how ugly he or she looks. For the person who vents it might be an instant relief, but for a person subjected to such multiple hate messages it could affect them emotionally. Many celebrities like Karan Johar have been vocal about how traumatising it has been to be continuously subjected to hate or troll showers.
There is a major section who finds relief from their worries by watching shows of, or following these the actors on social media. Some even take the liberty of fantasising themselves with the actors or ship their favourite onscreen couple, which basically is a harmless way of keeping oneself occupied.
The problem is when they start taking it way too seriously and are just not ready to give up the delusion, and end up trolling anyone who says or does anything to upset their fantasy. This leads to them posting hate comments on these celebs’ real life friends and partners. Some even go to the extent of cussing people if someone has a point of view different from their idols. They are trying to use their hate as a synonym of love. That is never possible; love can never be expressed through hating others. It’s actually your frustration you are trying to sugar coat in the name of love.
When you are miffed with world and your own destiny, the only place you can find empathy are your emotions. Then your pain can turn to an addiction; not that you want it, but it unknowingly becomes a solace… that you kind of help each other to co-exist.
The pain of sadness is deceptive, it evokes self pity or a tendency to victimise yourself. Our pain leads us to many actions which our mind may not approve of. This justification of pain then turns out to be the defence mechanism of our actions, an excuse or armour for the person one is turning into. An explanation to oneself and the world for all the hard times one gives to people, which otherwise we subconsciously know is not the right thing to do. It’s like an attempt to put blame on someone else for your doings.
“Your pain is understandable but that doesn’t mean your behaviour is acceptable.” — Steve Maraboli.
There may not be always a cure for your sorrows, but find a way to deal with it. Talk to people, take professional help. If you are not keen on talking with someone else about it, you could try helping yourself:
Sometimes this might help you to recover, but if the issue is grave, don’t hesitate to deal it with proper consultation. Depression and mental health are very serious issues which need the highest priority. They need proper medical attention and care.
When you hurt others the fact is that deep down inside you are aware of your actions. They can actually harm yourself more and you eventually despise yourself even more. Rather try to churn out something positive with your inner strength and goodness. You’ll actually feel better about yourself and life itself.
Published here earlier.
Image source: pxhere
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, you can request to be a Women's Web contributor too!
Lover of words....someone who work to live and write to stay alive . Good reads
Learning From Pain In Life – Once You Have Seen Darkness, You Know The Value Of Light
You’re Not Alone: Six Tips To Manage Period Pain
Junot Diaz’ Story Of Childhood Abuse Moved Me; BUT We Have To Break The Cycle
The Blackness Of Suicide: The Time To Help Is Now
Get our weekly mailer and never miss out on the best reads by and about women!