Champions at work listen up! Nominations for Women In Corporate Awards 2022 close tomorrow. Nominate yourself today!
Matrimonials listing brides and grooms are an echo of the real beliefs of a society, despite all the 'woke' ideas and behaviour. A hilarious take.
Matrimonials listing brides and grooms are an echo of the real beliefs of a society, despite all the ‘woke’ ideas and behaviour. A hilarious take.
Upsell, exaggerate, smile! Welcome to the very, very beautiful and very, very smart and slim world of matrimonial ads. This is a utopian land, where only good looking people roam. They are overqualified go getters, travelling the world, earning nothing less than 7 digits, yet are well mannered, cultured and homely.
Have you ever wondered how hard it must be as a parent to place your child in this web of awesomeness where one’s competitor seems only a hundred times better than one’s own child?
The logic of it seems perfect. Everyone does not have to have an organic love story. Two families tick the appropriate boxes, perform a tap dance of testing the waters by probing and asking the right questions, and in the end you have two perfect strangers, perfectly happy to spend their lives together.
But there is something questionable and inherently absurd about the norms in this arena, that have somehow concretised and become acceptable over the years. Taking something that could be natural, easy, useful, and pleasant, to a contrived rat race where it seems you’re putting up fresh products and vegetables for sale rather than prospective brides and grooms.
My favourite is the title of the section, to begin with. Grooms Wanted! Brides wanted! As if this list is the latest CBI compilation of India’s Most Wanted Criminals!
Cut to the keenly divided sections which read like a menu in a multi-cuisine restaurant. Would you like to choose from Jain, or perhaps you’re in the mood for Punjabi. Nah, give me a Hyderabadi. No, we haven’t moved to biryani, we are still speaking of brides and grooms.
While men in this pool are subjected to similar objectification and commodification, (they are judged by their height and earning potential) my personal favourites, and hence the focus of this remaining write up will be the ladies in the house.
Let’s review the unique characteristics and various clusters that emerge within this eager, matrimonial loving and determined set of family members.
Very fair, extremely fair, radiantly fair, stunningly fair. You’ll run out of adjectives but they never will. Whether they are offering or seeking, the bride here is alabaster white at all times, bordering on albino. Because not a shade lighter will do.
What’s that I hear? You’re dusky? What does that even mean?!
Slim, thin, very good shape. For you can’t be a bride if you’re not in shape, correct? Of course if you do happen to be a bit well-endowed overall, worry not. This section can be easily omitted, and replaced with your other virtues.
Who said you can’t have it all? This world is a real hotbed for all sorts of ‘sarva gun sampanna’ people. While on one hand you can ask for a working, successful, earning girl, she must also be a ‘very, very homely and accommodating’ girl. No one wants a Jhansi ki Rani situation in-house, correct? How on earth can a working girl love and take care of her new family?? Always better to specify what you need!
Let’s be clear. These are the torchbearers of change in the matrimonial world. Sitting atop their cultured and emancipated steeds, ready to charge ahead of physical features and family status. Their sections usually end with a flurry of ‘No bars’! Caste no bar, age no bar, complexion no bar, salary no bar. But if you check baar baar in the fine print at the bottom, you might see some teeny tiny red flags. So keep an eye out!
This lot sits right on top of the riff raff. Away from the madding crowds of matrimonial seekers and their banal requirements. They are visible and aloof.
Here the features fade and are replaced by qualifications and lineage. Of the father, mother, the crazy salary, the most important designation and job on earth. Because of course, knowledge of this financial muscle and family heft is crucial to her decision!
They have the longest sections, and spend the most money to stand out. The grooms here are so special that no attribute can be left out. From his MNC job to his brand of underwear. The bride and her family must know it all.
This is the one that cracks me up the most. I can understand that parents would seek safe, similar professions to avoid discord between the couple or the families. But architects calling out for architects? Engineers calling for engineers?
Let’s not laugh. Who are we to judge? In this unreliable world, there are unreliable constructions all around us. A super hero couple must run to save the day in a civil engineering emergency!
Not convinced? Let me say it one more time in a different language. Very fair. Really beautiful. Ati sunder. Sabse guni. By the time they are done with their sales pitch, you will be convinced.
Look, I’m no cynic. I’ve seen two close friends navigating the tricky shores of matrimonial ads and finding the love of their lives. Love can be found anywhere. That gives me hope – that in this increasingly isolating world, there is another way of finding love, a life partner. But does the process have to be this humiliating, prejudiced and commoditized?
I have hope, that along with society, the matrimonial ad wheels will churn and evolve as well. This is the wish of an eternal optimist. Hey, that’s another section to be added to the eclectic menu!
Image source: shutterstock
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
After chasing criminals as a journalist and spending over a decade in advertising, Richa penned a book of poetry titled A penchant for Prose. She has been a TOI Write India top 10 winner and read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
Homeschooling in India is having a moment. As families become increasingly weary of traditional schooling thanks to cookie-cutter policies and high costs, parents are opting for alternate methods of education
Homeschooling in India is having a moment. As families become increasingly weary of traditional schooling thanks to cookie-cutter policies and high costs, parents are opting for alternate methods of education.
Come Monday morning, homes with young families across the country are in a chaotic yet familiar dance. Ceiling fans are turned off, and lights turned on with a vengeance.
Teeth are cleaned, and breakfasts are shovelled down. Uniforms and shoes are thrown on, and heavy school bags are picked up as parents and kids alike make a mad dash for the door.
But if you look closely, the underlying reason for anger and frustration in both groups of women is the same. It is the anger amongst women in being told what (or not) to wear.
A twenty-two-year-old Iranian woman, Mahsa Amini, was detained by the morality police for breaking the country’s strict dress code. While in custody, Mahsa passed away. It was alleged that Mahsa was beaten in custody, leading to her death. An allegation, the Iranian police have dismissed as baseless.
The incident has sparked protests all over Iran. Women are taking off and burning their headscarves. They are chopping off their hair in public squares. These acts of defiance are against a regime that makes the hijab mandatory for women.
Closer home, in Karnataka, a few months back, young girls in PUC colleges were protesting against the administration’s decision to ban headscarves in the colleges. They were demanding their right to education while following the tenets of their religion. The matter was taken to the Karnataka High court, where the women lost. The matter is now sub-judice in Supreme Court.