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Indian girls are conditioned to consider marriage a goal of life. Which is very wrong. Marriage can be a part of your life, but not everything you work towards!
Dear girl,
From the start of your childhood, from the time you started to understand words, you have been told about fairy tales, a knight with a shining armour who saves the princess. How all that mattered in the story is her dress, fair and beautiful skin, hair and the humble soft spoken her. As you started to grow, you were always told to mind what you wore, not to show too much skin, and behave like a girl. Your teenage years came by and all that there was to them was to be back home before dark, preferably by 6 pm.
You studied so hard to get good grades, to stand out and yet all you were spoken to about is ‘Did you help your mom? Did you do some work at home?’
As you discovered about menstruation, things got stricter. Be careful, take care of your skin, of your hair. Many a relatives reminded you, how important it was to look good because soon you would have to get married, how else will a good guy marry you if you didn’t look beautiful?
You were 17 then, trying to figure what to study ahead. Some of your friends were no good too. That guy in your group who told you blatantly, why do you need to study, anyways you will marry a rich guy! It’s the guys who actually need to struggle. You were amused and angered but you said nothing.
You got a degree and landed a plush job. The celebration lasted only a few hours. As they congratulated you, they also inquired when you would get married.
Many said, that’s good you got a job, you proved you are smart. Now stay at home and learn to cook. After all marriage is what is needed to be done. It’s your husband’s job to earn money, your job to cook and maintain the home and children. You wondered then, where are these husband and children who everyone seems to be worried about. Then again they said cheerfully, you can work until we find you a guy. ‘Hey! We don’t mind if you have someone you like. Now all that matters is you get married’.
Were they right? You wonder.
NO. From a young age many girls like you are conditioned to think of marriage as the ultimate thing. The goal you work for all your life. THEY ARE WRONG. Your spirit awaits to be set free. Your wings await to break free. Your lungs await to feel the fresh air gush inside you. Your body awaits the adrenaline, the rush of excitement as you work your ass off to reach that goal. To make that achievement. I am a voice that whispers in your ear, every time you feel that you have to marry in the end. ‘No you don’t! Marriage is not a necessity and not a goal. It’s just a part of life and your decision to have it in your life or not!’
Like Oprah and Maya Angelou say, ‘You are enough!’ Period. There awaits a mountain to conquer, a company to run and millions of lives to be touched by your empathy, your intelligence and your hard work. You are not just made for marriage, don’t believe so. Just believe in you and the world will be yours.
Yours truly, Your Inner Voice
Feminist, Ecopreneur & a Zerowaste aspirant. Believes that my life purpose is to influence people to be ecofriendly and to help the girls/women of the future be more free - in who they are, what they read more...
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We are conditioned to normalise domestic violence out of fear of abandonment. Thinking that 'trauma bonding' is better than no bonding holds us back from speaking up!
(Trigger Warning: This post may be triggering for survivors of domestic violence. This post has been published especially to honour the International Day For The Elimination of Violence Against Women.)
Everyone said my perfect husband was like Lord Ram…. but this is how he took unfair advantage of my tolerance!
My grandmother was very fond of my husband whose name is synonymous with Lord Ram’s name. Every call she made to my husband started with the bhajan “Aaj sab mil mangal gao, Awadh mai, raam aye hain“. (Hail everyone, sing praises, Lord Ram has come in the kingdom of Awadh.) It was a mandatory welcome song whenever she met him or even spoke to him on the phone. Yes, his attributes were like that of Lord Ram. His attitude, chivalry, persona, fair skin, smile, height, physique and charm illustrate the perfect image of Lord Ram.
He was a generous man but she hardly knew much about the investments or their financial health. A couple of times, she had asked him and he had been vague. Now when she thought about it...
He was a generous man but she hardly knew much about the investments or their financial health. A couple of times, she had asked him and he had been vague. Now when she thought about it…
The Muse of the Month is a monthly writing contest organised by Women’s Web, bringing you original fiction inspired by women.
Chandrika R. Krishnan is one of the winners for the November 2021 Muse of the Month, and wins a Rs 750 Amazon voucher from Women’s Web. The juror for this month, Anuradha Kumar commented, “This introspective, quiet, story with its depiction of the relationship between two relatively older people is quite impressive. A lifetime spent together can bring familiarity and still allow for many mysteries and secrets. Also, the structure of the story, shifting from an external perspective to an internal monologue is well-done.”
Taking lessons from my own life, I just want to tell my daughter to be her own person who lives life on her own terms!
I wonder why our society is so unfair towards ‘dark-skinned’ girls and so obsessed with ‘fair-skinned’ girls? ‘Kitni kali hai (she is so dark!),’ ‘Kaise iski shadi hogi?(How will she get married?)’ ‘Kaun isko pasand karega? (Who would like her?)’
These are just some of the comments that my ears are bombarded with ever since I was a little girl. I wanted to ignore them but I couldn’t since there was not even a single person to support me or advice me on how to cope up with these embarrassing situations. (What I mean is that dark-skinned girls have a heart too. They feel bad too! The least you can do is consider them as humans.)
Ravi felt ashamed at his impetuousness. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and then said in a steady voice, ‘I just saw her engagement pictures and got curious.’
‘Beauty is skin deep Ravi. In the long run it’s the inner beauty that matters,’ it was Chetan’s voice. Shreya had paused for a moment on the open door of Ravi’s apartment when she overheard him. She didn’t want to eavesdrop but this conversation had caught her curiosity.
‘But what is the use of inner beauty if the exterior is unattractive,’ Ravi said.