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Divorced women seem to attract more stigma than divorced men do. Marriages do fail like any other relationships, and that is no reason to gossip about it!
Marriage is said to be an institution, an amalgamation of not just two lives but of families. Agreed, but the idea (which seems to not go away yet) that staying married till the end of life is plainly a ‘notion’. It maybe offensive to many but yes it is just a ‘notion’ of having to stay married.
Then again, I’m not saying that divorce is the only option. Many a times there can be problems that you can sort out by working together on them. But sometimes, it cannot be made alright, and in some cases should not be also. Divorce may seem the only way!
There can be many reasons to stay in a bad marriage, and if not you, people around you will come up with them. But when you find that one good reason to walk away, you must – for the well-being of yourself and the loved one. But be sure before taking that step. Once you have made that decision, there are many consequences that you may face, being a woman.
Today, I write about all that I have read, witnessed and seen. I stand up for many things, but sometimes I did not, and feel guilty about it. I write not to voice the pain, but to question the people around who fail to stand up for these women. You cannot just talk, but need to really be there for these women.
Having said that, many men suffer through a bad divorce too, though I personally haven’t witnessed this.
Coming back to the point, why is ‘Divorce’ still such a taboo word in India, especially for women? Men mostly get a sympathetic nod and how it’s time for them to get married again. But very few consider the idea of remarriage for a divorced woman. If she has a kid, then forget it. More so, women are seen upon as extremely vulnerable people who don’t know how will they go through life. It’s time we changed these outdated thoughts, don’t you think so?
Being divorced is just another phase of life. In every relationship, you could have a break up. The same is true with marriage too.
To have decided to do this would have been a really hard decision. The journey with all the difficulties and suffering would have been really hard. Asking about it does not make it any better.
So just accept it, rather than being melodramatic about it. To that aunt who pesters and makes those ‘tsk, tsk’ sounds every time she see her, I would say just Stop it!
Why should a divorce mean unhappiness? Women who were in an abusive relationship, were not treated well or respected, or were cheated upon might be feeling lighter after the divorce. We should be proud of them for taking the decision, to not be in this kind of relationship. They have for once put their self-respect and their children ahead of ‘what people will say’, which is great. It’s all the more reason for her to be happy, free, and think about a life ahead.
Having someone to love is good but does not mean, it’s utmost necessary. You sure love yourself more than anybody could ever even try too. It’s completely her choice, whether she decides to date someone or to marry again. You do not need to make a decision for her. Advice for her to be happy and that’s all.
Don’t be a selfish person who doesn’t stand for their daughter, sister, friend and decide you can’t answer or make the society understand. Who is this society, anyway? People who want to talk will always talk.
If you are ashamed of the person you love, because she is going through a divorce, then please grow up and understand their perspective. You should be supportive and proud of how independent they are and believe they’ll make it through. Stop the gossip!
Yes, am talking to the perverted men and women alike, who feel a divorced lady could be easily wooed into bed. That they are needy women who just want some emotional support and someone to lean on, and can be led on.
All women who talk and suggest such things, shame on you. Men who want some sex, go find it elsewhere, instead of being a sadist to prey on their emotional state. Every woman- married/unmarried/divorced/widowed may have physical needs, but who are you to decide this for them?
Lastly to all the women who are thinking of or are in the process of or already are divorced, stop beating yourself about it. You have just got out of a toxic, abusive, relationship and you should be proud of it! Don’t forget your struggle to have stood up and come out of it. Let it be your strength as you move along. Don’t let people tell you what’s right or wrong, decide for yourself, and never ever let anyone take advantage of you. You are entitled to happiness and finding happiness. Don’t hold back, just because some silly people are telling you how to be. Be you and be sure!
Stand up for your loved one! Stand true always. Love them for who they are and support them for where they want to go and who they want to be.
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Published here earlier.
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Feminist, Ecopreneur & a Zerowaste aspirant. Believes that my life purpose is to influence people to be ecofriendly and to help the girls/women of the future be more free - in who they are, what read more...
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I huffed, puffed and panted up the hill, taking many rest breaks along the way. My calf muscles pained, my heart protested, and my breathing became heavy at one stage.
“Let’s turn back,” my husband remarked. We stood at the foot of Shravanbelagola – one of the most revered Jain pilgrimage centres. “We will not climb the hill,” he continued.
My husband and I were vacationing in Karnataka. It was the month of May, and even at the early hour of 8 am in the morning, the sun scorched our backs. After visiting Bangalore and Mysore, we had made a planned stop at this holy site in the Southern part of the state en route to Hosur. Even while planning our vacation, my husband was very excited at the prospect of visiting this place and the 18 m high statue of Lord Gometeshwara, considered one of the world’s tallest free-standing monolithic statues.
What we hadn’t bargained for was there would be 1001 granite steps that needed to be climbed to have a close-up view of this colossal magic three thousand feet above sea level on a hilltop. It would be an understatement to term it as an arduous climb.
Every daughter, no matter how old, yearns to come home to her parents' place - ‘Home’ to us is where we were brought up with great care till marriage served us an eviction notice.
Every year Dugga comes home with her children and stays with her parents for ten days. These ten days are filled with fun and festivity. On the tenth day, everyone gathers to feed her sweets and bids her a teary-eyed adieu. ‘Dugga’ is no one but our Goddess Durga whose annual trip to Earth is scheduled in Autumn. She might be a Goddess to all. But to us, she is the next-door girl who returns home to stay with her parents.
When I was a child, I would cry on the day of Dashami (immersion) and ask Ma, “Why can’t she come again?” My mother would always smile back.
I mouthed the same dialogue as a 23-year-old, who was home for Durga Puja. This time, my mother graced me with a reply. “Durga is fortunate to come home at least once. But many have never been home after marriage.”
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