Check out the ultimate guide to 16 return-to-work programs in India for women
I love my daughter to bits, but I will not let the supposed halo of motherhood to change me into a sacrificing caricature of motherhood.
‘Motherhood’ is often considered as a ‘phenomenon’, something which transcends a woman’s very being to another level. It is not unprecedented to accord ‘godlike’ qualities to women when they become ‘mothers’.
In my almost five years as a mother, I have been meaning to discover this halo of motherhood around me, but in vain. I cannot count the number of times when I despised being a mom and the number of times when I looked back at my pre-motherhood life longingly. I delve into the labyrinths of my ‘motherly’ heart, only to find a human being, who has her own set of follies and foibles.
I have heard women among friends and family claim hysterically that they were ‘cut out to be mothers’ and see them swooning over baby pictures, and chatter incessantly – from what type of food they give their munchkins, to how the only things that matter in their lives are their children.
I do not completely disagree with them. I sincerely do not. But, I wonder – should ‘motherhood,’ once attained, transform a person so much that, you become a totally new person?
Well, my little girl is the apple of my eye. She has taught me so many things. She has taught me patience. She has made me realize that one can care about another being with such phenomenal intensity. She has trodden in my life with her little footsteps and has left an indelible mark of love all over.
But, she has not taken away my individuality from me. I am the same person, who dreamt to do well in life, who devoured books in plenty and went starry eyed watching her favourite stars on the celluloid. She has added new dimensions to my personality but has not taken away the old.
‘Motherhood’ and ‘Guilt’ are two virtues/vices which go hand in hand. And ‘guilt’ sure did hang over me like a Damocle’s sword, but I do not succumb under it. I realize there are good and bad days for me as a mom and that is the most natural thing about being a mother. I am not a demi-god, who is supposed to do certain things to achieve the ‘star performer’ award.
For me, when my girl says that she ‘loves me the most’ and exclaims with a solemn expression that ‘I will understand all your problems and be there for you always’, the moment becomes ethereal. But that does not stop me from being sad when I cannot take up that demanding job as I cannot get myself to leave my girl unattended for long. But then that is my decision as a practical and sensible person. It does not make me this ‘sacrificing’ mother who went beyond her limits to provide for her child.
And I hope I will be successful in never burdening my daughter under the load of the things that I chose to do for her. Also, once she grows up, I want her to see the ‘real me’, not that mother with doleful eyes, who forever banters as to how she ‘changed’ to become the real life Nirupama Roy in her bid to become a mother par excellence. And I am sure she will be jolly proud of me then.
Published here earlier.
Image source: shutterstock
Meha has worked as a Business Analyst in an elite IT firm and as a full time professor in management colleges. Having earned an MBA degree in Human Resource Management and an MA degree in read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
If her MIL had accepted her with some affection, wouldn't they have built a mutually happier relationship by now?
The incident took place ten years ago.
Smita could visit her mother only in summers when her daughter had school holidays. Her daughter also enjoyed meeting her Nani, and both of them had done their reservations for a week. A month before their visit, her husband told her, “My mom is coming for 4-5 months!”
Smita shuddered. She knew the repercussions. She would have to hear sarcastic comments from her mother-in-law for visiting her mother. She may make these comments directly only a bit, but her servants would be flooded with the words, “How horrible she is! She leaves me and goes!”
Are we so swayed by star power and the 'entertainment' quotient of cinema that satisfies our carnal instincts that we choose to ignore our own subconscious mind which always knows what is right and what is wrong?
Trigger Warning: This has graphic descriptions of violence and may be triggering to survivors and victims of violence.
Do you remember your first exposure to an extremely violent act or the aftermath of a violent act?
I am pretty sure for most of us it would be through cinema. But I remember very vividly my first exposure to aftermath of an unbelievably grotesque violent act in real life. It was as a student at a Dental College and Hospital.
Please enter your email address