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When parents contradict, the child is often confused on what to believe.Is it plausible to raise our children without these conflicting ideals? A mother writes!
When parents contradict each other, the child is often confused on what to believe. Is it possible to raise our children without these conflicting ideals?
Contradictions are a part and parcel of our lives. You tell someone that lying is not good, but end up lying about how you wake up at six in the morning every day without fail. You preach that bitching about someone is just not good, but when you meet your soul sister, your best friend, gossiping and discussing other people’s lives, is what you primarily engage in. Hence, proved, that we mortals, do not always practice what we preach.
When it comes to parenting too, I have fathomed over the past few years, we cannot escape contradicting ourselves. And trust me children do not like parents who contradict, who deviate from their ideals at the slightest feeling of discomfort. My three-year-old is these days considerably puzzled and is unable to see through our altering sense of right and wrong.
The little girl of mine is quite headstrong (like every woman I tell myself that she got the genes from the husband’s side of the family). When she falls ill (which to our dismay is quite often), the daunting task that we have to undertake is to give her the medicines, the foul smelling syrups which claim to be sweetened for pediatric use (oh, really). Now, when all possible means of shoving the medicines failed, we had to employ another method. It involved me the mom wearing a blanket and pretending to be a monster, while the husband thrust the medicine. It sounds hilarious and not appropriate alright, but it seemed to work for us (the child had to get better and for that the medicine had to be given by hook or crook).
The other day, she challenged me by blurting out, “But you said there are no such things as monsters.”
This brings me to the first and foremost contradiction that we presented before our daughter. The other day, she challenged me by blurting out, “But you said there are no such things as monsters”. I was, of course, silent. But, it led me to think, that in our bid to get things done, we often present contradictory beliefs.
For hindering the little one from doing something that we do not want them to do, we often resort to phrases like “You are too young to do this”. On the other hand, we also say, “You are a big boy/girl now, you can do this”. My daughter often exclaims, “But the other day, you said that I am a big girl”.
Is it possible to raise our children without these conflicting ideals?
I feel that the sense of contradictions should not be so far reaching so that it is deeply ingrained in his/her being. But tiny, harmless ploys, can be pulled to get things done. After all, raising a child is one heck of a job, isn’t it?
Mother and daughter image via Shutterstock
First published here
Meha has worked as a Business Analyst in an elite IT firm and as a full time professor in management colleges. Having earned an MBA degree in Human Resource Management and an MA degree in read more...
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