Give Love Another Chance: Online Dating After Divorce

Posted: December 6, 2014
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A divorce is not the end of your love-life in this day and age. Online dating after divorce can be tricky, but these tips can help you find love again, says this post.

The divorce is behind you. You’ve done the requisite internal work – cried about it, come to terms with the fact that it’s not just his fault, spent time alone, rediscovered who you are and what you really want in life, struggled with the idea of ‘trying again’ with someone else, overcome the distrust and dislike of the entire species that’s inevitable after divorce. You’re ready to go.

Some of us are too shy to ask friends whether they know of any single men. We don’t signal that we’re ready to date again, and they may not offer. Friends may think that you’re done with the whole relationship thing after your experience, or they may themselves be questioning the validity of the marriage equation, and cannot imagine that anyone wants to be in one.




Whatever the reason, you haven’t met anyone. Think ‘online’.  The internet has opened up huge possibilities, specially for shy people who are a little more courageous when there’s a computer between them and a potential date. Here are some perks of online dating:

Privacy

With an online dating site, you don’t have to worry about what your friends, neighbours, or colleagues are thinking. They won’t even know until you’re ready to tell them. Whatever inhibitions you have about dating can be overcome in the privacy of your own home, the only comments you have to battle are the ones your own mind is making.

Reach

An online dating site gives you access to people you wouldn’t normally meet. They may be in another city, profession, or be a completely different type of man from the ones you’re usually attracted to. Be open and adventurous, and see where it goes. If the guy lives in Bombay and you in Delhi, and you really hit it off, a solution will emerge. Or you may not hit it off, but gain a friend in another city.

Choice

The dating choices when you go online are vast, so you don’t have to stick with the first guy who takes your fancy if you find there’s things about him that you don’t like. In fact, because time is so precious to us, and once you’ve decided you want a man in your life you could get impatient, you can talk to more of them simultaneously and see who emerges the winner. If you’re new to the game, sign up on only one dating site, and limit the number to about three – simply because of time constraints.

Dos and Don’ts of online dating

I don’t want to discourage you, because women are scared enough as it is through hearing horror stories about internet dating. Forewarned is forearmed though, and taking a few precautions may make it less daunting for you. When you dive into the open sea of online dating be aware of a few things. If you know what’s coming your way, you won’t be surprised and horrified.

It’s almost certain that you’ll encounter your share of online perverts. From the twenty year old small town boy greeting, “hi beautiful – do you want to make franship” to the more intrusive first time greeting that involves a reference to your panties – you can expect it all. Remember that most dating websites have the option of blocking annoying or perverted people. Use that option. Secondly, be lighthearted about it, these things make for amazing stories to share with like-minded women friends.

Factor in regular time on the website – even if it’s fifteen minutes a day, even if there’s no one attractive enough. Eventually there will be.
It’s okay to be the first one to say ‘hello’. Once he responds, chat on the website to get to know him better. Give out your phone number only after talking for a few days. You can ask him for his, and check on Truecaller whether his name is what he says it is. Once you have his name, do some online sleuthing.

A google search will reveal his online presence – Linkedin profile and Facebook for sure. He may even be on Twitter. You’ll get a lot of information about him with his name and number. After you’ve progressed to chatting, you can set up a meeting with him. Meet at a public place for coffee. Dinner may be too much of a time commitment for the first meeting. You can always move on to that if you like each other.

If at any time during the chatting or talking stage you notice red flags or behaviour that you find less than desirable – pay attention to them. Your instincts are worth listening to.

If at any time during the chatting or talking stage you notice red flags or behaviour that you find less than desirable – pay attention to them. Your instincts are worth listening to. There are plenty of others out there. It’s unnecessary to enter into a relationship where you have doubts. Best move on to the next guy before you’r emotionally involved.

And remember – don’t give away your heart too easily. Date with your mind, keep assessing the guy, and move on if he doesn’t fit the bill. Once your heart is involved you won’t be able to. On the other hand, don’t guard yourself so well that you’re cold blooded. Focus on making friends, enjoy yourself, and listen to your intuition. “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you,” said Elbert Hubbard. Friends first, love may follow.

Pic credit: Concept image for online dating via Shutterstock

A freelance journalist and teacher, Kalpana is a feminist, an animal rights activist, passionate about

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