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Domestic violence is the unfortunate reality of our times. Must a woman 'forgive and forget' if the man apologizes? This insightful post takes a look.
Domestic violence is the unfortunate reality of our times. Must a woman ‘forgive and forget’ if the man apologizes? This insightful post takes a look.
We have known each other since we were ten or eleven, and have forever remained the best of friends, breaking all conventions of friendship etiquette. No friendship band, no regular calling, mailing, sms-ing, chatting, … nothing. We never find a bridge between us to cross over, we were always on the same side, yet always on one’s own end.
I am writing about her, not to depict the love we share, but for her unusual strength that I admire.
She fell in love sometime during her teens, following the fascination and infatuation which germinated during high school days. She was beautiful and he, truly handsome. She loved him with all her childish innocence. They married after thirteen years of her being in love with him, which he never knew of.
I still remember my friend, who jumped with joy, when she heard about his marriage proposal. She was so naïve then. The evening before her wedding she whispered to me, that she feels that the marriage would end in a separation. The love was strong, and matters were fixed, and they got married.
She being superior to him in talent, skills and calibre – personally, socially and professionally – the male ego haunted her unreasonably and purposely to crush her under its big foot. She had her own style of managing worries, but always stood with her principles and self-respect.
She continued loving him, getting hurt, silent tears, joy at mending up… with more ugly patches and a total lack of support from the counterpart. Financially and emotionally, she ran the home alone – fathered and mothered her children, held a high profile job, gained a trail of admirers wherever she moved. She was one terrific woman.
She told me that he had beaten her for the first time, and that she was going to put an end to the marriage.Never miss real stories from India's women.Register Now
She told me that he had beaten her for the first time, and that she was going to put an end to the marriage.
Well, yesterday she told me that he had beaten her for the first time, and that she was going to put an end to the marriage. His act was a show of pent up anger, suppressed irritation at her cool, steady, unaffected posture in life, and restlessness as a husband who was banished from the mind and body of the woman who had loved him all through her innocent years. She had decided to ask him to move, as she believed she should feel secure in her own home.
Unfortunately, their son had witnessed the damn episode, which they realized after the abuse – physical and verbal – was over. I was more affected with this fact and told her to comfort the child by telling him that the fight happened by mistake and that all would be fine.
She refused, and told me: “If I tell him that, he would consider it ‘okay’ for a man to beat his wife, the lesson he may carry forward in his life. Let it not be so.” I was awed by the moral, strength, and foresight in these words of my dear friend. She is indeed right. I looked out for immediate comfort to the child, but she was guiding him into a humane person.
Once the decision of a separation (legally or not ) as declared by her, he began begging for forgiveness, willing to undertake any conditions she may put forward. She has none.
The big social issue is – if for once the husband beats his wife, and begs for forgiveness – whether the woman is bound to forgive and forget the incident, especially since the man is asking for forgiveness? It is very unfortunate that every mother, every sister and every friend in our land would advise her to forgive and forget, and move forward in life.
It is very unfortunate that every mother, every sister and every friend in our land would advise her to forgive and forget, and move forward in life.
This perspective arises out of the prejudice, society has built in through generations, that (a) it is okay if a man beats his wife, irrespective of whether he apologizes or not; (b) Since he is apologizing, she is supposed to ignore the matter; (c) as long as it is not a regular incident, it is better that she forgives, mistakes do happen in a family; (d) In any case, a woman is meant to be all forgiving or ‘Sarvamsaha’ (tolerant of everything).
In short, whatever maybe one’s level of tolerance regarding such an issue, it invariably reflects the misogynist tradition that, after all, she is a woman and the MAN is on his knees! It is this undue tolerance that has allowed violence against women to grow, stabilise, and establish itself in our families and society.
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What I loved was how there is so much in the movie of the SRK we have known, and also a totally new star. The gestures, the smile, the wit and the charisma are all too familiar, but you also witness a rawness, an edginess.
When a movie that got the entire nation in a twist – for the right and wrong reasons – hits the theatres, there is bound to be noise. From ‘I am going to watch it – first day first show’ to ‘Boycott the movie and make it a flop’, social media has been a furore of posts.
Let me get one thing straight here – I did not watch Pathaan to make a statement or to simply rebel as people would put it. I went to watch it for the sheer pleasure of witnessing my favourite superstar in all his glory being what he is best at being – his magnificent self. Because when it comes to screen presence, he burns it, melts it and then resurrects it as well like no other. Because when it comes to style and passion, he owns it like a boss. Because SRK is, in a way, my last connecting point to the girl that I once was. Though I have evolved into so many more things over the years, I don’t think I am ready to let go of that girl fully yet.
There is no elephant in the room really here because it’s a fact that Bollywood has a lot of cleaning up to do. Calling out on all the problematic aspects of the industry is important and in doing that, maintaining objectivity is also equally imperative. I went for Pathaan for entertainment and got more than I had hoped for. It is a clever, slick, witty, brilliantly packaged action movie that delivers what it promises to. Logic definitely goes flying out of the window at times and some scenes will make you go ‘kuch bhi’ , but the screenplay clearly reminds you that you knew all along what you were in for. The action sequences are lavish and someone like me who is not exactly a fan of this genre was also mind blown.
When Jaya Bachchan speaks her mind in public she is often accused of being brusque and even abrasive. Can we think of her prodigious talent and all the bitter pills she has had to swallow over the years?
A couple of days ago, a short clip of a 1998 interview of Jaya and Amitabh Bachchan resurfaced on social media. In this episode of the Simi Grewal chat show, at about the 23-minute mark, Jaya lists her husband’s priorities: one, parents, two kids, then wife. Then she corrects herself: his profession – and perhaps someone else – ranks above her as a wife.
Amitabh looks visibly uncomfortable at this unstated but unambiguous reference to his rather well-publicised affair with co-star Rekha back in the day.
Watching the classic film Abhimaan some years ago, one scene really stayed with me. It was something Brajeshwarlal (David’s character) says in troubled tones during the song tere mere milan ki yeh raina. He says something to the effect that Uma (Jaya Bhaduri’s character) is more talented than Subir (Amitabh Bachchan’s character) and that this was a problem since society teaches us that men are superior to women.
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