By Dr. Lakshmi Ananth

Veena Sunder*, 45, is not happy with the doctor treating her for arthritis – she feels he just writes out medicines and doesn’t explain things to her. Rohini R*, 28, changed her gynaecologist in the fifth month of her pregnancy because she felt the doctor wasn’t communicating too well with her. Sound familiar?

Have you ever booked an appointment with a ‘world famous’ specialist that everyone recommended, sat in the waiting room an entire evening only to end up with a five or ten minute meeting with the great man himself, a prescription in your hand and none the wiser about your condition? 

Why do doctors not talk to their patients? Or at least, why do patients get this impression? Here is an attempt to explore the communication barriers [...]]]> Doctors are invaluable. But they often fail to make a connection with their patients. How can doctors and patients overcome this?

By Dr. Lakshmi Ananth

Veena Sunder*, 45, is not happy with the doctor treating her for arthritis – she feels he just writes out medicines and doesn’t explain things to her. Rohini R*, 28, changed her gynaecologist in the fifth month of her pregnancy because she felt the doctor wasn’t communicating too well with her. Sound familiar?

Have you ever booked an appointment with a ‘world famous’ specialist that everyone recommended, sat in the waiting room an entire evening only to end up with a five or ten minute meeting with the great man himself, a prescription in your hand and none the wiser about your condition? 

Why do doctors not talk to their patients? Or at least, why do patients get this impression? Here is an attempt to explore the communication barriers between doctors and patients.

The language of doctors

A new medical student is said to learn about 13000 new words in the first year alone. These are often, literally, Greek and Latin words. Technical terms or jargon soon occupy the vocabulary of the doctor to such an extent that they often know of no alternatives to these words. Many doctors continue to speak this way even to patients, often never realizing that the patient probably doesn’t get it. So if your doctor says, “We’ll have to marsupialize this cyst” instead of “We’ll have to open this fluid-filled swelling to remove the water from it” – you know what the problem is.

A doctor receives absolutely no training in the communications department.

Doctors aren’t taught communication

Believe me, all the tomes a medical student has to read for a degree only deal with symptoms, signs and complications. The stress is on how to diagnose and treat various conditions. There may occasionally be words like “reassure the patient” but never any details on how. A doctor receives absolutely no training in the communications department. So once a doctor graduates, the way he/she talks to patients and explains things to them depends on their inherent communication skills, not on anything that they have been taught in medical school.

The time factor

Let’s face it, doctors get busier as their practice grows. They get better at what they do as their practice expands, but it leaves them with little time for individual patients. This is the commonest reason for doctors not talking enough to their patients. Much as some of them would like to spend more time with each patient, the sheer numbers waiting outside deter them.

It takes all types of doctors…

Some just love to talk and you may receive enough information to graduate medical school. Others are reticent and barely get by with answering the essentials. But the way a doctor talks is not a reflection on his/her skills, so you will find some of the silent types with a huge following.

…and all types of patients

When an ophthalmologist Dr.Rao’s* practice grew to an extent where he couldn’t give detailed responses to all his patients’ queries, he had systems installed to give information. So patients would consult with him, get their prescriptions and be directed to one of the systems to view detailed presentations, videos and FAQs. The response? A third of his patients were delighted, they were very happy to have their questions answered. Others often made their way back to him with even more questions. Yet others complained at having to see “such graphic stuff”. Some people politely refused saying the prescription was really all they wanted and some others just didn’t have the time for any explanations.

Some things are just difficult to explain

In healthcare, not everything is known – the reasons for many medical phenomena and the causes for many conditions are still unknown. While it is relatively easy to answer a question like “Can I eat cold foods?” there is no simple answer to a question like “I’m just 35, vegetarian, don’t smoke, lead a sensible life and meditate, so how can my coronaries be blocked?” And there are definitely no correct answers to questions like will I be better in two days (I have a wedding to attend), is there a guarantee for this operation and just where did I get this infection from.

Doctors are people, too

And finally, doctors are just people like anybody else. They have to stand in queues, send their kids to school, deal with potholes on the road and see the dentist when their tooth aches just like anyone else. So even they have their good days and their bad days.

What can be done to improve doctor-patient communication?

Throw in a little of each of the above and what you have is a doctor who appears uncommunicative and insensitive to patients. But communication between doctors and patients can be improved with just a little effort on both sides. Most people, when they get sick, want to know what has happened to them and, more importantly, the cause for it; knowledge that will help them take better care of themselves and prevent a recurrence of the problem. They also want to know what their options for treatment are, how they can expect them to work and any other precautions they will have to take. Not unreasonable at all.

…do your homework – it is your right and your duty to be informed of the state of your body and your health.

All that doctors have to do is use more common or plain speak with patients. They can get someone to counsel patients and answer their questions if they are too busy to do it themselves. Handouts with dietary advice and answers to common questions often save many a heartache on both sides. If a patient is net savvy, the doctor can help by recommending websites the patient can refer to.

As for patients, it helps to go prepared – don’t be longwinded with your symptoms, instead make sure the doctor gets all the information about your condition precisely, especially if your time is limited. Keeping in mind a list of questions you want to ask also helps. But definitely do your homework – it is your right and your duty to be informed of the state of your body and your health. Search the net, find out more about your condition and even check if you are being treated correctly but always make sure you get your information from reliable sources. If you find contradictory information, the doctor is still the best person to check with.

Above all, remember that only you know what your needs are. So find a doctor you are comfortable with.

*Names changed to protect privacy

*Photo credit: Alex E.Proimos and Hiking Artist respectively (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution License)

By Anjum Choudhry Nayyar

This article was originally published at Masala Mommas.

Raising children in a bilingual community such as Canada, US, or the UK or anywhere else can be a challenge, especially when trying to teach your child the languages. Well, guess what? There’s an app for that too!

As a mom of two young daughters Survi Gopal, living in California, wanted her children to speak her native language: Hindi. Her husband however, spoke Gujarati. With both sets of grandparents and parents speaking different languages it was important for her to find a way for her daughters to speak and understand both languages.

“It always made me feel uncomfortable whenever we were in a big South Asian gathering and the kids feel left out because they cannot follow the language,” said [...]]]> If you live in a multicultural environment and are struggling to teach your children your native language, do check out these helpful apps!

By Anjum Choudhry Nayyar

This article was originally published at Masala Mommas.

Raising children in a bilingual community such as Canada, US, or the UK or anywhere else can be a challenge, especially when trying to teach your child the languages. Well, guess what? There’s an app for that too!

As a mom of two young daughters Survi Gopal, living in California, wanted her children to speak her native language: Hindi. Her husband however, spoke Gujarati. With both sets of grandparents and parents speaking different languages it was important for her to find a way for her daughters to speak and understand both languages.

“It always made me feel uncomfortable whenever we were in a big South Asian gathering and the kids feel left out because they cannot follow the language,” said Gopal.

It was a struggle she says to find resources to teach her children the language easily. She would often find books from India but many of the tools lacked fun, interactivity and engagement. So began her and her husband’s quest to develop and launch the first Iphone and Ipad app “Hindi Alphabets – by Niyaa”. Soon there was “Gujarati Alphabets – by Niyaa”.

Both apps can be downloaded from iTunes from an iPhone or ipad. This app is catered towards kids 2-6 years of age. Both apps teach the alphabet, numbers and shapes in the form of flashcards. Hindi alphabets also includes an interactive, discovery based tool to teach the body parts in Hindi.

Today Hindi Alphabets by Niyaa has been downloaded in 42 different countries around the globe and Gujarati Alphabets has been downloaded in 37 countries. Hindi Alphabets was also ranked #2 in the Education Category in iTunes India recently. It has since remained in the top 10 in education for a long time. Gujarati alphabets has also made the “What’s hot” in Education list on the Indian iTunes app store.

“We wanted to choose a medium that is popular with kids and parents alike and can reach them wherever they are in any given part of the world. Kids love apps and it is also convenient for parents to use. We believe that learning should not be a chore and that it should be fun and exciting for kids. There is nothing like having your own little Hindi and Gujarati tutor always at your disposal, in the palms of your hands. Makes a great travel tool too,” said Gopal.

Gopal says for her, raising her children in the US where they were not exposed to their native language on a regular basis was a challenge. She adds, “It’s hard to find kids that will speak Hindi. Our apps ‘Hindi Alphabets – by Niyaa’ and ‘Gujarati Alphabets – by Niyaa’ are a way to encourage kids to learn and enjoy speaking these languages. Our goal at Niyaa is to fill this gap and bring high quality, kid-tested, parent-approved apps for kids.”

Gopal has this advice for moms looking for apps for their kids. She says, “As a mom who likes to limit screen time, I would like to make sure that if my kids are using my iPhone or iPad then they get some educational value out of it. I like to choose apps that rank high on education, have a kid-friendly look and feel and are quality apps.”

To Purchase the apps on iTunes click here:

Hindi Alphabets – by Niyaa

Gujarati Alphabets – by Niyaa

For more info visit: www.niyaa.net | Facebook| Twitter 

*Photo credit: flickingerbrad (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution License) 

By Meenakshi M Singh 

My mother wept a lot when I was born; a pretty and healthy baby but that was not enough to earn her a good reputation among her orthodox in-laws, since I was a girl. An unwelcome guest who had arrived despite trying weird superstitions such as swallowing gold and peacock feathers. The frugal in-laws needed only a son who could bring money home through sweat or dowry.

Mummy’s prayers got answered 6 years later. “Your brother has arrived,” Naani came announcing. We walked fast with irresistible excitement, ignoring the heavy rain and entering Mummy’s room drenched. You, in the crib, draped in sky-blue soft linen, the fairest, softest baby, I’d ever seen, with almost no eyebrows, blonde hair, seemed an Angrez. We overloaded your tiny wrists with huge rakhis, as you came just in [...]]]> A precious brother-sister bond that stays unbroken; a sister reflects on the relationship she shared. 

By Meenakshi M Singh 

My mother wept a lot when I was born; a pretty and healthy baby but that was not enough to earn her a good reputation among her orthodox in-laws, since I was a girl. An unwelcome guest who had arrived despite trying weird superstitions such as swallowing gold and peacock feathers. The frugal in-laws needed only a son who could bring money home through sweat or dowry.

Mummy’s prayers got answered 6 years later. “Your brother has arrived,” Naani came announcing. We walked fast with irresistible excitement, ignoring the heavy rain and entering Mummy’s room drenched. You, in the crib, draped in sky-blue soft linen, the fairest, softest baby, I’d ever seen, with almost no eyebrows, blonde hair, seemed an Angrez. We overloaded your tiny wrists with huge rakhis, as you came just in time, 2 days before the Raksha-Bandhan. I remember how Mom used to mark your forehead with kajal after bath to save you from the evil eye, Yashoda’s little Krishna.

You weren’t growing normally and developed droopy eyelids but the elders fabricated this, “Even Guru Nanak possessed such eyes”. Every year, on your birthday, our house was full of pomp and show with elaborate functions. Besotted, celebrating your existence aloud, our parents didn’t acknowledge your feebleness, increasing every birthday. Ignorance couldn’t be bliss always. You looked handsome but struggled amongst your mates with frail muscles and an inability to run. A strong brain in a weak body. You knew your limitations, and gradually Mummy and Papa realized that too.

Local doctors failed to diagnose the root cause and you were admitted to a specialized hospital which resolved advanced medical problems. A biopsy test was done, a graft sent abroad for advanced diagnosis. Your words on that chit are still etched in my heart “Di, I don’t feel like painting here, it is dull being around patients. Don’t send more coloured pens, why you looked sad to see me today, I’ll come back soon, love you”. I couldn’t understand what you were going through. The results demonstrated that you had mitochondrial myopathy; for us, an uncommon, unheard of muscular problem.

You felt embarrassed amongst schoolmates oozing stamina. I watched you outdoors struggling while playing cricket and getting beaten up. Our parents surrendered and let you study from home. You felt bored losing most of your friends. The PC, your birthday gift turned into a wonderland substituting for friends.

We both loved to talk, recording duets, sharing an ineffable bonding. I took our understanding for granted. I treated you as a fixity, and never took you out avoiding hassles. Still you never complained for anything, not even to God. How was it possible for a teenager to stay so cheerful with so many limitations?

In 2000, we celebrated your birthday exuberantly one month before the actual date since everybody had their summer vacations. The monsoon dawned in July and we both caught the seasonal fever and followed the same prescription. “I have recovered, I wonder why Kishu is still unwell,” I shared with Mummy. You still suffered with fever and headaches even after 3 weeks.

We were watching a movie that night after I returned from office, Tum Bin, a girl missing her boyfriend. Mummy was massaging your swollen feet, comforting you to sleep. The dogs cried at high pitch late at night, piercing my ears.

Next morning, feeling uneasy, I asked, “Kishu, how are you feeling now? I don’t feel like going to office today.” You insisted. “What you need to do? Please go. It’s just a headache”. I massaged your forehead briefly. Mummy assured me that they would take you to the hospital for a checkup. I headed outside. “Di, come back, wear your office sandals first, take off my slippers”. I looked down realizing and changed, patting your cheek. Chal Bye.

I was unusually silent and uneasy that day, so my colleagues planned a lunch outing to pep me up. Three of us were walking on the road ahead, two of us behind. A crow flying speedily came out of nowhere and pierced my scalp with its sharp beak and disappeared. I stood bewildered; my 6 ft. tall colleague should’ve been an easier target than me.

On reaching home, you were not back from the hospital as yet, only a call came from Mamaji that you were fine and would be back soon. I was praying before dinner for your well being. The phone rang twice; I picked up the receiver. “Your brother has left us”, Papa said crying.

I felt too lonely to bear the anguish, desperate to be with Mummy assuring me of your well being as always. People told me that they were bringing your body in an hour. I was demented, violent, pushing back people who stopped me when I headed towards the road to receive you, ordering all of them to leave.

After experiencing ages of traumatic loneliness, you came clad in white clothes. You were wrapped like a newborn again, but kept on the floor. I saw you still, a cold lifeless body. I poured kisses on your face, held in my lap, pleading with you, scolding you to open your eyes.  I shook you hard; people asked me not to hurt your soul but I didn’t obey. I understood what helplessness is about. An intense pain and inconsolable loss felt within. The biopsy also revealed that your myopathy wasn’t curable; results kept confidential from you and me.

We had a large gathering wishing peace to your soul, where I was to offer petals to your photo. I tried but couldn’t as you still exist within my heart, alive and vibrant, with your touch, voice and purest soul.

I find it difficult to answer today when people ask me whether I have a brother.

*Photo credit: Will Graham (Used under the Creative Commons Attribution License)

By Melanie Lobo

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other is wings,” said Hodding Carter, an American journalist and surely, truer words were never spoken. However, how many of us can actually do this? The typical Indian scenario is that a mother never lets go of her children (in most cases, the son, but this may apply to the daughter as well).

In the Indian cultural context, how can mothers learn to let go and help their children lead meaningful, independent lives? Read on!

Letting go of power

“I have let them go. I have brought them up to be strong individuals and not be wholly dependent on me” is what Shail Mohan, a homemaker and mother of two sons (27 and 21 [...]]]> A refreshing perspective from two Indian mothers who feel they have managed to let go of their children – and how they did it.

By Melanie Lobo

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots, the other is wings,” said Hodding Carter, an American journalist and surely, truer words were never spoken. However, how many of us can actually do this? The typical Indian scenario is that a mother never lets go of her children (in most cases, the son, but this may apply to the daughter as well).

In the Indian cultural context, how can mothers learn to let go and help their children lead meaningful, independent lives? Read on!

Letting go of power

“I have let them go. I have brought them up to be strong individuals and not be wholly dependent on me” is what Shail Mohan, a homemaker and mother of two sons (27 and 21 years) says. When asked why she chose to bring up her children this way, she simply replies that she felt it was not right for mothers to control their children. Shail’s decision to a large extent has been influenced by the role her mother-in-law played in their lives.

She feels that her mother-in-law used to interfere in all aspects of her married life. While she tried to comply with her mother-in-law’s wishes initially, after a while she started questioning why she was being treated in this manner and addressed her concerns to her husband. Her husband however, did not take a stand and simply told her that his mother liked having “power”.

This set her thinking as she felt that a woman should not have such power over her children and any child should feel free to speak to his/her mum if the mother was doing something wrong. She decided at that point not to bring up her own children in this manner. She says that she feels that her son would earn even more respect from her, as a mother, if he could speak his mind to her. This is only possible if you build such a relationship from the time the child is young and bring him/her up in this manner.

Learning to parent democratically

Shail always set limits for her children but was sure to always explain and give reasons for why she told them to do certain things. She says, “I did not control them all the time and left some decisions to them. It helped when they understood why I said and did the things I did.” Looking back now, Shail knows she has done the right thing. Her sons are very open with her and even tell her when they have girlfriends. She doesn’t pry into their lives but is secure in the fact that they will tell her what she needs to know.

She has seen many parents who nag their children and constantly monitor every move of theirs. This, she feels, has led to such children rebelling against their parents, due to this constant supervision.

Her advice for other mothers includes:

- Focus on bringing up the child as an individual to stand on his/her own feet, instead of always being there to catch them when they fall.

- Make your children grow up to be responsible human beings. Parents are not going to be around forever.

- Mothers are mistaken when they think that their children will be more attached if they, as mothers cling to them. Holding on often pushes a child away. Shail admits that her sons are closer to her than her husband was to his own mother.

Let them be – or lose them

Ritu Lalit, General Manager with Lakhani is a single mother who also feels she has managed to let her sons go. “You have to let them go or else you lose them” is how she sums it all up.  Ritu says that her mother-in-law was responsible for breaking up her marriage and she vowed that she would never let that happen to her sons.

However, she admits that the process was not an easy one. Being a single mother meant that they were a close unit for a long time. Her sons grew up and they needed their own space – especially from their mother. Thus, the process of letting go began. Ritu is emphatic when she says that if she had not done this at that time itself, she would have lost her son. “It’s as simple as that. A male child also has to distance himself from his mother so that he has a better relationship with his partner.”

She says that it is much easier this way and does not cause problems when the whole family is together. Ritu and her sons and daughter-in-law live in the same house – “it has worked out beautifully”. It is a very democratic set up. Everyone carries on with their own lives without interference in anyone else’s life. She also feels that everyone has played a role in making this relationship work. All four of them work together to ensure that they enjoy a smooth relationship.

Ritu says that this change and letting go does not happen overnight. It takes a long time and you have to be prepared and make a conscious decision to do so. One aspect that helped was that she was a working woman and had a life of her own. She feels that women who build their whole lives around their children find it much harder to let go. Ritu started blogging a month after her son got married. She then started writing her first novel. She made the effort to carry on with her life.

Her tips for mothers with regard to this are:

- Try and start this process of letting go from the time the child is young. This is an ongoing process.

- Do not react badly if your child stands up to you. Don’t get into an “I am his mother, I brought him up” mode. You, as a mother, will lose the very person you are fighting for.

- Remember that sooner or later, your child will lead his/her own life. Do not stand in the way. If you do, you will only be building walls in your relationship.

- Make the effort. You will be rewarded with a better relationship with your child.

This is the story of two mothers who have made the effort to let go and have realized that they have done the right thing. What about you – do you feel the same way?

By Priya Mani

While childbirth is a cherished moment in a mother’s life, it can also be quite overwhelming. Prenatal or antenatal classes serve to help expectant mothers by teaching them about pregnancy, labour, delivery, postpartum recovery and baby care. The thrust of these classes is to equip a mother-to-be with the technical know-how, physical fitness and emotional competence to embrace the experience of childbirth in a confident and positive manner. 

Origin of prenatal classes

Prenatal classes had a modest beginning in Lamaze – a coping technique popularized by Dr. Ferdinand Lamaze in the 1950s. Although they have been in vogue abroad for over half a century now, in India, the concept of childbirth education has trickled in only in the last decade but is catching on well in the metros.

What to expect in prenatal [...]]]> Have prenatal classes come of age in India? How can they help the busy, expectant Indian moms of today?