In India, divorce goes against our ‘traditions’, as though there’s any country or society where divorce is an acceptable ‘tradition’. As though it’s only us Indians who are sanctimonious about ‘making a marriage work’ and judgmental about those who have failed. I assure you, it’s a world wide phenomenon. The only difference is, that in other parts of the world, people recognise that a divorced person is still a human being, and that they cannot be wished away or left lying by the roadside, presumed dead.

They need to be rehabilitated, helped through this difficult time of loneliness, less income and the cruel jibes of people and their pointing fingers. The divorced person is not evil. They’re going through a lot. They may not show you but honestly, very few fit into the stereotype of the mate hunting, uncaring, insensitive person with no respect for [...]]]> Divorced finally! Now ready for another relationship.

In India, divorce goes against our ‘traditions’, as though there’s any country or society where divorce is an acceptable ‘tradition’. As though it’s only us Indians who are sanctimonious about ‘making a marriage work’ and judgmental about those who have failed. I assure you, it’s a world wide phenomenon. The only difference is, that in other parts of the world, people recognise that a divorced person is still a human being, and that they cannot be wished away or left lying by the roadside, presumed dead.

They need to be rehabilitated, helped through this difficult time of loneliness, less income and the cruel jibes of people and their pointing fingers. The divorced person is not evil. They’re going through a lot. They may not show you but honestly, very few fit into the stereotype of the mate hunting, uncaring, insensitive person with no respect for family values that society loves to categorise them into. I say ‘very few’ but I could just as easily say ‘none’.

So, as I’ve mentioned before in this blog and at my other blog, divorced people, both men and women, are demonized. Once the divorcee has their divorce, has recovered some financial and emotional stability (all this takes at least five years), they may want to give marriage another go. Interestingly, the general assumption is – that you’re so lucky to be on your own. Or, “ Since you have children, you won’t be wanting to marry again, or have another relationship.”

The first time I encountered this attitude I was taken aback. And because I’m a person who questions myself first, I began to examine my desire for another relationship, wondering whether there was something wrong with that, since I do have children, and my desire for a partner is not because I want children but for companionship and a relationship that works.

I began to state clearly that this IS what I want. It was met with disapproving looks, with advice that was rather snide – “ Once you stop wanting it so much, it will happen.” – some weird kind of spirituality implying that stoic people who don’t express inappropriate and unfeminine desires for a mate will have their wishes granted by a loving God (male of course) who likes chaste women.

I took offense at the suggestion that my desire for a partner was somehow inappropriate but instead of riding into battle with flags flying I began to be careful whom I voiced this to. Women, whom I’d considered safe enough to share with, obviously weren’t. Or at least not all women, but only my closest friends – and not even all of them. Everyone had his or her own agenda about this issue of finding a second partner.

About men – I never share my desire to find a partner with a man. Because one and all wish to oblige me, and be the person who takes away my suffering. Not in a serious, committed way of course, because they’re either married already, getting a divorce and taking a decade to get it, emotionally unavailable, wishing to live on in a bad marriage because of their children, their fear of being divorced, parental pressure – are just a few of the mixed up men I’ve encountered.

It’s rare in India for a divorced woman to be taken seriously by men. Their assumption is – that she’s good for a bit of fun, she has no emotions, if she gets hurt again she can handle it, its happened to her before. ( They don’t realise HOW hard it is to start again from scratch, or how much courage it takes to open one’s heart again. And if they realise, they don’t care.)

Of course none of this can stop divorced people from finding another partner, but it’s interesting to see the mindset of people and what they think is acceptable or unacceptable for older people. My advice is – don’t worry about what people say or even give it a second thought. The divorce has already made you a strong person as you’ve had to drown out the voices, been let down by close friends and family and emerged with true friends who’ve stuck by your side come what may and who care about you even if you are divorced. If you’re ready for another relationship – go out and mingle, be open and learn to trust again. But I’d say – go very slow, and check along every step of the way whether the people you meet are worthy of your trust and love.

For anyone interested in reading about the lives of Indian women in the nineteenth century, the work of the pioneering social activist Cornelia Sorabji is one of the first places to begin.

Review by Uma Mahadevan-Dasgupta

This Oxford India reissue of Cornelia Sorabji’s collected fiction, Love and Life Behind the Purdah (first published in 1901) has a good introduction by editor Chandani Lokuge that puts Sorabji’s pioneering fiction in context.

Cornelia Sorabji’s own life story is both fascinating and tragic. Her father was a Zoroastrian Parsi who converted to Christianity, causing ripples in their circle; her mother was a tribal woman, possibly a Toda, from the Nilgiris who had been adopted by an army officer and his wife. The Sorabji couple’s commitment to social reform, education, and progressive thinking inspired Cornelia [...]]]> Love And Life Behind The Purdah: The Early Indian Women Writers series covers a few remarkable books by from the 1900 – 1950 period. 

For anyone interested in reading about the lives of Indian women in the nineteenth century, the work of the pioneering social activist Cornelia Sorabji is one of the first places to begin.

Review by Uma Mahadevan-Dasgupta

This Oxford India reissue of Cornelia Sorabji’s collected fiction, Love and Life Behind the Purdah (first published in 1901) has a good introduction by editor Chandani Lokuge that puts Sorabji’s pioneering fiction in context.

Cornelia Sorabji’s own life story is both fascinating and tragic. Her father was a Zoroastrian Parsi who converted to Christianity, causing ripples in their circle; her mother was a tribal woman, possibly a Toda, from the Nilgiris who had been adopted by an army officer and his wife. The Sorabji couple’s commitment to social reform, education, and progressive thinking inspired Cornelia not only to study further – she became the first Indian woman to qualify in law from Oxford and then, thwarted from practising in the Bar because she was a woman, went on to represent Hindu purdahnashins – but also pervaded her writing with a deep sense of empathy for the underprivileged.

Cornelia encountered obstacles at every stage in her life – being awarded a Government of India scholarship only to have it invalidated due to gender discrimination; wanting to study medicine but having to turn to law; passing the BCL examination at Oxford but not being admitted to the Degree. Yet her struggles only seem to have strengthened her resolve, and she continued her work until the deterioration of her mental health and her hospitalisation in the mid-1940s. Incidentally, there is an inconsistency in the dates provided on the book jacket (1866-1952) and in the chronology inside (1866-1954).

Sorabji’s fiction draws from her rich experience in working with marginalised Indian women. Not only her childhood as the daughter of progressive reformers but also her own field experience showed her that reform did not mean any one magic quick-fix solution: the women she met and worked with were caught in diverse, complex circumstances.

In fiction, Sorabji found the space to trace the varied nuances of these lives. Not only the relationships of men and women, but also those within the community that lived behind the purdah: the subtle betrayals, the unspoken friendships, the solidarity, the generosity.

Whether we are seeing an old Shastri cremating his little grandchild, or a Parsi woman bringing her dead daughter home from the railway station, Sorabji’s storytelling is observant, detailed, and compassionate.

Whether we are seeing an old Shastri cremating his little grandchild, or a Parsi woman bringing her dead daughter home from the railway station, Sorabji’s storytelling is observant, detailed, and compassionate. Asked to administer ten thousand lashes to his wife as the orthodox punishment because her child died in her arms, Khursud painfully recalls their betrothal: “Makkhi, little Makkhi! What was it you wore the day we exchanged the betrothal ring?… Good God! I can’t!” But he does, and that is his tragedy.

Sorabji’s eye for the hypocrisies of the age is unsparing: whether it is the pundit Nano’s desire for his wife’s niece, or a king’s decision to take a fifth wife – it is not quite his wish, he tells the other queens apologetically, but “a political necessity…some political differences to adjust.”

The most powerful passage in this collection is in the first section of the short story “The Pestilence at Noonday”. A husband and wife are having a conversation. The husband is departing for other shores, leaving his wife behind at home. “I shall have many things to interest me,” he says to his wife. “Knowledge to acquire, the world to sample, a name to make. How, then, will there be room for thought of women, and petting, and suchlike?”

Through this section, the wife speaks a total of two lines, while the husband expounds in entire paragraphs. “I am sorry that I let them educate you,” he says when she protests mildly that he is being unkind – and goes on to list all the little ‘freedoms’ he has permitted her. Is he being ironical, she wonders: “Sita stole a look at him. No! he was quite serious.”

The husband, whose name is Het Ram, goes on: “Yes! The gods and fate have created you for my convenience and ministration; the only dignity which you will ever acquire will be incidental.”

The narrative then pulls back slightly, asking us to look at the two of them together by the lotus pond – “the man and woman; both strong, handsome young creatures, developed wholesomely, mind and body.” After a moment’s thought, silently, Sita walks away. “‘Sita!’ called her husband; but for once no little caressing creature came to rub a gentle cheek against his extended hand.”

 If you’re planning to purchase Cornelia Sorabji’s Love And Life Behind The Purdah, do consider buying it through this Women’s Web affiliate link at Flipkart. We get a small share of the proceeds – every little bit will help us continue bringing you the content you like!

For readers outside India, you can get a copy of Love and Life Behind the Purdah (Oxford India Classic Reissue) via this link at Amazon.

This extraordinary woman has many firsts to her credit. She was one of the two first women graduates of India, among the first to pursue medicine as a subject, and the first woman to qualify as a Graduate of Bengal Medical College (GBMC) in 1886.

What makes her achievement noteworthy is the fact that she was married when she began her medical education, and had to mother at least five children from her husband’s previous marriage!

Kadambini was also among the early Indian women to ‘cross the seas’ to Europe in 1892 to pursue higher studies. She returned with three advanced degrees in medicine and surgery to become the leading woman practitioner of Hippocratic medicine in the Asian subcontinent.

Healing was not her only forte. Kadambini was a prominent espouse for women reforms and emancipation. She was also [...]]]> The first lady physician of India, Kadambini Ganguly stands out as a symbol of progressive womanhood.

This extraordinary woman has many firsts to her credit. She was one of the two first women graduates of India, among the first to pursue medicine as a subject, and the first woman to qualify as a Graduate of Bengal Medical College (GBMC) in 1886.

What makes her achievement noteworthy is the fact that she was married when she began her medical education, and had to mother at least five children from her husband’s previous marriage!

Kadambini was also among the early Indian women to ‘cross the seas’ to Europe in 1892 to pursue higher studies. She returned with three advanced degrees in medicine and surgery to become the leading woman practitioner of Hippocratic medicine in the Asian subcontinent.

Healing was not her only forte. Kadambini was a prominent espouse for women reforms and emancipation. She was also the first woman to address an open session of the Indian National Congress in 1890.

Kadambini’s bio would be incomplete without the mention of the seminal role two men played in her life – father Braja Kishore Basu and spouse Dwarkanath Ganguly. Both were liberated Brahmo Samajists and ardent champions of female education.

Why we find her inspiring?

- Because she was incredibly confident, determined and multi-faceted

- Because she was the first working mom India may have known who neatly juggling her roles as a doctor, a mother, and a social activist

- Because she carved a niche for herself as an individual, rather than being enmeshed in devout domesticity or intimidated by a vehemently critical society

- Because at a time when the purdah was more the norm than exception, this gutsy woman had broken several gender thresholds

Suggested Readings

First Indian Lady Doctor

A New Image Of Health

*Pic Credit: http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3452/3281562011_f839657a5f.jpg

San Francisco has the distinction of being one of the most visited cities in the world. Well-known for its cultural diversity, Vidya tells us more about its child-friendliness.

Hi Vidya! Please tell us about yourself.

I am a mom of twin toddler boys, enjoying the roller-coaster ride of parenthood, and trying to integrate work and family fun.

What are some of your suggestions for parents visiting with young kids to do in SFO?

The SFO Bay Area is a very diverse place and offers something for [...]]]> In the Women’s Web ‘Travel The World With Kids’ series, we talk to mums from all over the globe who are interested in exploring their backyard attractions with their tiny tots! We hope you find them useful, if someday you choose to visit their part of the world. Presented in Q&A format, this one is with Vidya from San Francisco (SFO). You can find her on Twitter.

San Francisco has the distinction of being one of the most visited cities in the world. Well-known for its cultural diversity, Vidya tells us more about its child-friendliness.

Hi Vidya! Please tell us about yourself.

I am a mom of twin toddler boys, enjoying the roller-coaster ride of parenthood, and trying to integrate work and family fun.

What are some of your suggestions for parents visiting with young kids to do in SFO?

The SFO Bay Area is a very diverse place and offers something for everyone – the usual tourist attractions such as the Golden Gate Bridge, Crooked Street, Fisherman’s Wharf, Cable Car Rides, Sausalito, Ghirardelli Square, a boat cruise to the Alcatraz Island etc are sure to be fun for all. Besides that, there are a few kid-friendly museums. The California Academy of Sciences is a great place to visit with kids – it’s the only place on the planet with an aquarium, a planetarium, a natural history museum, and a 4-story rainforest all under one roof.

The Children’s Discovery Museum is one of the largest hands-on museums in the nation; it is sure to keep everyone from toddlers to older kids engaged!

What have been some of your favourite outings in SFO with your kids?

We love going on picnics to the Golden Gate Park. The park has a wide open play area – The Koret Children’s Quarter, with a carousel ride which is a must-do!

On a bright sunny day, we also enjoy going to the beach. My kids can play with their sand toys on the beach for hours, while we relax on the warm sand, gazing out into the blue Pacific Ocean.

For tourists visiting SFO for the first time, do you have any particular tips? 

I would suggest planning for atleast a week in the area. There is a lot to do, and it works better to space the activities out, especially the little kids. Also, dress in layers  -  as Mark Twain once asserted “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”

Are there any particular restaurants in SFO that you think kids will enjoy?

The SFO Bay Area is such a melting pot of cuisines from around the world; it’s a great place to introduce your little ones to new tastes and textures. It’s really hard to pick one or even a few restaurants, given the multitude of options but  here goes –  the Pier 39 area has several dining options with outdoor seating that works great with kids. The Ferry building, which is another great place for tourists to hang out also has some unique dining options that are fun to check out with kids . The Ghirardelli square is a do-not-miss for both kids and those of us who are kids-at-heart – you can make a meal out of their world-famous desserts.

Are there any particular shopping areas in SFO that you think kids will enjoy?

The Union Square area is a vibrant shopping destination with a wide variety of options for all budgets. You can select from luxury brands, local boutiques or nation-wide department stores. You can also enjoy a stroll along the charming Maiden Lane– a pedestrian only walkway. The Union Square Park, located at the heart of the shopping district, is a great place to picnic with the kids between shopping activities. Check out their summer events calendar for live music and other fun activities.

Any kid-friendly day trips out from SFO?

Monterey – Carmel area is a two hour drive away. Along with Monterey Bay Aquarium and Point Lobos, the Carmel area hosts several kid-friendly activities, check this out for more information.

Thanks Vidya!

*Photo credit: Vidya

Previous Interviews In The ‘Travel With Kids’ Series: 

Diana from Toronto

Brooke from Hong Kong

Ellen Schmidt from New York

Anusha from Seattle

Neera from Chicago

Jo-Lynne from Philadelphia

Tiffany from Frankfurt

Subha from Zurich

Shalini from Norway

Nora from Morocco

Laylah from Riyadh

Lisa from Dubai

Sarah from New Zealand

Toni from Manila

Maid In Malaysia from Kuala Lumpur

Uma from Chennai

The Mad Momma from Delhi

Lakshmi from Hyderabad

Sunayana from Kolkata

Sunita from Pune

Anuradha from Mumbai

Artnavy from Bengaluru

Leonny from Singapore

I am not about to rave on the agonies and ecstasies of newfound motherhood – it’s too long to be contained in a single post. But I’d love to take you on a tour of what motherhood has done to the house. The living room, to be precise.

Sitting by the candlelit Buddha, I had often prided myself over my living room interiors. Done up in earthy tones of brown and beige, the hall exuded a subdued elegance that came with order and a spartan furnishing. And an expansive sense of space.

I’d curl up with a book on the settee, hours at a stretch, or watch a good old Hindi classic. My favourite sanctuary was however the aforementioned [...]]]> “When the baby comes, your life will change” is one of most clichéd statements I’ve ever heard. Yet when he did, nothing could prepare us for the way he completely took over our lives.

I am not about to rave on the agonies and ecstasies of newfound motherhood – it’s too long to be contained in a single post. But I’d love to take you on a tour of what motherhood has done to the house. The living room, to be precise.

Sitting by the candlelit Buddha, I had often prided myself over my living room interiors. Done up in earthy tones of brown and beige, the hall exuded a subdued elegance that came with order and a spartan furnishing. And an expansive sense of space.

I’d curl up with a book on the settee, hours at a stretch, or watch a good old Hindi classic. My favourite sanctuary was however the aforementioned Buddha where, between sips of tea and vacant musings, I savoured many moments of repose.

A Year Later

Welcome to pandemonium. A house where four adults strive each day to keep pace with an extremely hands-on baby.

The monochromatic has given way to a happy scramble of colourful baby ware – flaming orange, plumb purple, fuchsia pink, turquoise blue, vivid yellow, apple green, capsicum red.

Sample the idle blue divan on which rests a red diaper bag, used black knickers, a grey flask cover, a toy brick set in an orange bag, pink baby wipes, a brown/green/cream tote bag (now that’s mine), white diapers, green knickers, gripe water and a make-do toilette box (yes, the baby has one) overflowing with baby lotion, Johnson’s powder, nappy cream and bright building blocks. I register the mess and the hues.

Getting to the hall is more of an obstacle race where you navigate your way through a feeding bottle, a toy console, a T-shirt inside-out, a ball, the play gym, a steel spoon, little pools of water and Cerelac (remnants of a feeding struggle), a magic snail, a singing teddy, a tawny dog that’s lost its bark, a romping chicken that goes ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little star’, or the baby himself on the walker who wants to get into your way and say hello.

Things are no better up on the display cabinet. A random audit the other day revealed a fly swatter, a sewing kit with spools of motley thread, a bell sans the balloon, an ear plug and a pulp magazine sharing space with porcelain knick-knacks in the upper echelons, away from the reach of the baby.

What happened to the house that had a place for everything and everything in its place? I wonder.

The living room has undergone a few ergonomic changes too. After all, sharp edges and scented candles aren’t conducive to an infant’s newfound mobility. Thus, the centre table has been relegated to the corner. It now serves to stack toys and baby food.

The laptop has become a permanent fixture on the dining table, to be easily accessed when the grandparents/aunt want to see the baby.

The Buddha is nowhere to be seen. In its stead is a fish tank – the only concession for a bewildered spouse who has lost his ‘wife’ to the ‘mother’ of his baby, and now finds solace in goldfish.

As for myself, it’s been months since I read a book or saw a movie end-to-end.

Do I miss the quiet?

Repose comes in a new package. It is an adorable baby fast asleep in the pram beckoning me to give him a tight cuddle.

Pic credit: Boost Ventilator (Used under a Creative Commons license)

Bold, outspoken and confident, Rinzu Rajan believes in being an active participant in the Women’s Web community. Be it guest blogging, commenting or participating in our contests, her enthusiasm always grabs your attention! Let’s talk to her!

Hi Rinzu! Tell us a little about yourself.

I am learning poetry to survive, doing research to see a breakthrough technology in alternative fuels someday and wail and whine against the atrocities we women face in the name of moral, religious and social values!

Do you have any life goals for yourself or anything that you think your life must include?

Yes as of now, finish Phd and get on with post doctorate. And over time, improve on my writing skills by utilizing a writing scholarship to ulterior use. Also seeing my book coming in the market someday [...]]]> Reader’s Corner looks at the contemporary urban Indian woman, through the lens of a Women’s Web reader in each interview.

Bold, outspoken and confident, Rinzu Rajan believes in being an active participant in the Women’s Web community. Be it guest blogging, commenting or participating in our contests, her enthusiasm always grabs your attention! Let’s talk to her!

Hi Rinzu! Tell us a little about yourself.

I am learning poetry to survive, doing research to see a breakthrough technology in alternative fuels someday and wail and whine against the atrocities we women face in the name of moral, religious and social values!

Do you have any life goals for yourself or anything that you think your life must include?

Yes as of now, finish Phd and get on with post doctorate. And over time, improve on my writing skills by utilizing a writing scholarship to ulterior use. Also seeing my book coming in the market someday and getting a pushcart nomination. The last two might be fragile human expectations.

How far along would you say you are in achieving these? What would you love to have/achieve that you don’t yet have?

I have started with Phd and would finish it in sometime. A post doctorate scholarship, a poetry book and a pushcart nomination are things I am working towards with dedicated honesty.

Is your life today as you imagined it would be 5 years ago? Where do you want to be 5 years from now?

I don’t make five year plans since they never become a reality, atleast in my life they never did. Five years ago, I had never imagined in my waking dreams that I would be writing poetry to feed my soul. Five years later, I am doing it without knowing the cause for why and how I felt the need for it. I am working towards my professional and creative goals and want to see them getting fulfilled someday, but that cannot be deemed as a five year plan.

Do you believe that being a woman has made a difference to your choices and/your life?

As a daughter no, never. I have had the most loving parents in the world, who brought me up to be a strong and sane person. I wasn’t brought up with the idea of getting married or becoming a mother as my life’s only goals. These they think are choices, which I must make for myself as a person someday, again only if I want to. They are one of the reasons I am pursuing my career without the pestering pressure to please the society or their peers. In my professional life, I did see some disturbing trends which wouldn’t have come to me had I been a man. As a creative person, most of the time my credentials as a writer and a woman were questioned because I loved talking about equality of both the sexes. Had I been a man all these brickbats might not have welcomed me.

Tell us one thing that you like about Women’s Web and one thing you think we could do better!

The freedom to express one’s thoughts without fear is the reason I love WW very much. I always make sure to share the best of the articles displayed on your site on my Facebook page. You can make the website more user friendly by going for a template that is easier to browse, with spacing in between the browsing buttons. The page looks as if it is begging for space and sometimes while browsing I get confused about what I was reading or searching for! Just my suggestion, apologies if that offended you.

Thanks Rinzu! No offense taken!

Check out Rinzu’s blog.

*Photo credit: Rinzu Rajan

I sadly find that movements for lesser causes (I know some people will protest strongly) have been more persistent and consistent, and have achieved more by way of results. I am well aware of the fact that India has many causes worth fighting for, but to me any cause relating to the girl-child and the skewed sex-ratio is paramount. As far as I am concerned, we have not succeeded in making any difference to the son-preference, [...]]]> I know I am reinventing the wheel, but I often wonder why all the outrage over son-preference and daughter-avoidance in India has hardly made any difference to the sex-ratio. Far too much has been written about the reasons behind this phenomenon, there have been campaigns, media blitzes and so much more, and yet census after census says the same thing- that the sex ratio in this country is abysmally twisted in favor of the male.

I sadly find that movements for lesser causes (I know some people will protest strongly) have been more persistent and consistent, and have achieved more by way of results. I am well aware of the fact that India has many causes worth fighting for, but to me any cause relating to the girl-child and the skewed sex-ratio is paramount. As far as I am concerned, we have not succeeded in making any difference to the son-preference, daughter avoidance syndrome is because deep down we are all guilty of complicity in this crime. 

Here I want to quote Rita Banerji’s masterpiece ‘Sex and Power: Defining History, Shaping Societies’ [Penguin India, 2008], “…it goes without saying that India accounts for one of the largest, and silently ongoing, genocides in human history…(and) a very peculiar aspect of female genocide in India is that it is never called ‘genocide’ in plain terms. It tends to be presented as a gender ratio predicament, like an arithmetic problem gone awry…Indeed, the routine elimination of women from the population is perhaps one of the most depraved secrets that India conceals in its folds of democracy and traditionalism…To hold India accountable for the genocide of its women means that it is not the crime of a small section of society, but includes the complicity of an entire nation of people.”

I also can’t help but recall Elisabeth Bumiller’s much maligned book (critics say it generalizes too much; I disagree) ‘May You Be The Mother Of A Hundred Sons- A Journey Among The Women Of India’ [Penguin India, 1991]. She quotes an information sheet for sex-selective abortions seen in the late 1970s in Bombay (advertising the Prenatal Sex Determination Clinic at the Hurkisondas Hospital) “This is the only institution in our country which is carrying out this humane and beneficial test with such a high accuracy of the results.” She also quotes a slogan for such tests, “Better 500 rupees now than 500,000 later.” According to her, of the 8000 women who visited this clinic between 1978 and 1982, 7999 wanted a son.

I agree with Bumiller when she says, “In some ways, female infanticide was the poor woman’s version of another phenomenon among India’s upper classes- the use of prenatal tests to determine the sex of the child.” She goes into graphic details of female infanticide among some poor communities in parts of Tamil Nadu, and I don’t have the heart to quote them here, except that I did not know that a flower as innocuous as the oleander (I have seen it grow almost anywhere; it adorns many a home as a decorative plant) hides a potent poison (glycoside oleandrin) which is fed with milk to female infants in certain parts of the country. The poison causes heart failure and respiratory paralysis.

Reading Bumiller’s book, I also realized that it was the Indian community which was mainly responsible for taking the scourge of sex selective abortions to the USA. The New York Times of December 25, 1988 had first carried the story. That is one export we could have done without.

I can finally suggest a reading of Chapter 5 (“No More Little Girls: Female Infanticide Among the Poor of Tamil Nadu and Sex-Selective Abortion Among the Rich of Bombay”) of Bumiller’s book. It is heart-rending reading.

To end, I know we need to protect tigers, elephants, turtles, trees, rivers and snakes, but who is going to protect our daughters from ourselves?

By Unmana Datta

Three years ago, in the depths of the recession, I quit my stressful job at a small IT firm. I couldn’t take it anymore; every Sunday night, I would feel sick at the thought of going to work the next day. I quit even though we had a monthly home loan payment that was much of my salary, counting on my husband’s job to carry us through.

Restarting my job search

I spent the first few weeks recuperating. Then I started exploring my options. I got more involved in volunteering. I tried to write, but was never motivated enough to write much. I took up one or two freelance projects, but realized I hated it; it didn’t have the depth and structure I was used to in my full-time work. Slowly [...]]]> In a 2-part series, Unmana shares her career tips on finding a great job and turning it into your dream one.

By Unmana Datta

Three years ago, in the depths of the recession, I quit my stressful job at a small IT firm. I couldn’t take it anymore; every Sunday night, I would feel sick at the thought of going to work the next day. I quit even though we had a monthly home loan payment that was much of my salary, counting on my husband’s job to carry us through.

Restarting my job search

I spent the first few weeks recuperating. Then I started exploring my options. I got more involved in volunteering. I tried to write, but was never motivated enough to write much. I took up one or two freelance projects, but realized I hated it; it didn’t have the depth and structure I was used to in my full-time work. Slowly but inexorably I realized that the work I liked most was what I had left. But I needed more than good work. I also needed a good employer - a boss I could respect, people I would enjoy working with.

Slowly but inexorably I realized that the work I liked most was what I had left. But I needed more than good work.

I started looking again. I polished my resume and put it up on job sites. I spent hours looking through available jobs and applying to anything that seemed remotely promising. I got on to LinkedIn and looked through my connections desperately, wondering whom I could ask for help. I made lists of companies I could apply to. I went to their websites and filled up forms and uploaded my resume.

When the few leads I got petered out, I wondered what else I could do. I needed a list of companies in my city, so I could look at each website and see if I wanted to apply. Surely one of them would have a job that was right for me. Surely one of them needed a smart, driven (and relatively cheap) marketer.

I checked out the website of the local “software exporters” association. It had a list of all members, ordered alphabetically. I decided to work my way down the list. Right near the top of the list was Affinity Express. I looked at the website and was instantly interested. And they had an opening for an E-Marketing Manager.

You know how the story ends. But I didn’t, then. I applied, without a lot of hope; many companies don’t update their job pages often, they may have found someone already or they may not like me. But after a couple of weeks, I was called for an interview.

I knew I had the job when the hiring manager, my soon-to-be boss, spent more time selling the job to me than he did asking me hard questions. I knew it when he admitted frankly that he was impressed by my resume. I had another hurdle to clear; an interview with the VP of marketing in the US. I was nervous, but it turned out to be a cakewalk.

I knew I had the job when the recruiter, my soon-to-be boss, spent more time selling the job to me than he did asking me hard questions.

I still had my doubts – really late hours, less money than I expected and a long commute. I also wondered, if they were so easily impressed with me, did it mean I was settling for a less challenging job? But I didn’t have any other offers.

I made a deal with my husband: if I didn’t like the job, I’d quit in a few weeks and look for another.

It’s been over two years… and it has been a very happy and satisfying two years for me.

I have been happier at my job than I ever thought it possible to be. I boast about it so often — the work I love, the great boss I have—that my friends get bored and acquaintances look surprised (and probably wonder if I’m in my right mind).

Lessons learnt while hunting for THE job

A) Try harder. You haven’t tried enough until you have looked at every company in your city (or in other cities, if you can move). If you get to the end of the list, start again at the top. There’s got to be something.

B) Keep an open mind. My new job wasn’t in the IT sector, which was where I’d worked earlier. When I started, I had really late hours and a 2-hour commute (one way). My boss turned out to be really flexible and I soon started working from home a couple of days a week. My office also later moved closer to my house.

C) Decide what’s important for you. I wanted work I loved doing, a job that would make me happy. I was willing to compromise heavily on money if I got the rest. I was willing to work hard, work late hours, to take on a job that took 13 hours of my day with the commute. I wanted a chance to prove myself.

D) Use all the options you have. This is the most important. Networking through LinkedIn? Go out and attend a local industry event. Call all your colleagues and friends and old classmates. Talk to people about your job hunt, even if you’re at a party; you never know who might be able to help. Take up freelance assignments if you can get them, even if they pay peanuts – it gives you something to do and you might get a foot in the door if a job opens up at that company. Start a blog: talk about your work and show how knowledgeable, competent and likeable you are. (After I joined, I found out that my boss had found my blog and thought my enthusiasm and writing skills added to my desirability as an employee.)

E) Focus on your positives. Before you go out there, you have to believe in yourself. Evaluate your strengths. You might be middle-aged and competing with folks just out of college who are at ease in the new world of social networking and hyper-connectivity. But you’ve got experience on your side: focus on demonstrating that strength and improving your chances by showing that you’re eager to learn new things even though you’re twice the age of most other candidates. If you are young and inexperienced: why, you can be driven and hard-working and eager, which are all qualities employers look for. Go into that interview convinced you’re the right person for the job, and you’re more likely to convince others.

Look out for Part 2, on how you can make your current job closer to your ideal one.

Bachendri Pal first tasted the thrill of the mountains at the age of twelve. It was exhilarating. With dreams in her eyes and conviction at heart, Bachendri joined the Nehru Institute of Mountaineering to learn the ropes of climbing.

In 1982, Bachendri climbed the Gangotri (21,900 ft.) and the Rudugaria (19,091 ft.), her first milestone.

Two years later, Bachendri was chosen to be a part of the fourth organized expedition to Mount Everest. The trek was laden with perils, freezing sub-zero temperatures and enervating altitude sickness. And when a massive avalanche broke the morale of half the members of the team who abandoned their journeys, this intrepid woman refused to give up.

On 23rd May 1984, Bachendri scaled Mt. Everest, creating a powerful new record as the first Indian woman to reach the top of the world.

For her [...]]]> Bachendri Pal was the first Indian woman to ascend Mt. Everest (29,029 ft), the world’s highest summit.

Bachendri Pal first tasted the thrill of the mountains at the age of twelve. It was exhilarating. With dreams in her eyes and conviction at heart, Bachendri joined the Nehru Institute of Mountaineering to learn the ropes of climbing.

In 1982, Bachendri climbed the Gangotri (21,900 ft.) and the Rudugaria (19,091 ft.), her first milestone.

Two years later, Bachendri was chosen to be a part of the fourth organized expedition to Mount Everest. The trek was laden with perils, freezing sub-zero temperatures and enervating altitude sickness. And when a massive avalanche broke the morale of half the members of the team who abandoned their journeys, this intrepid woman refused to give up.

On 23^rd May 1984, Bachendri scaled Mt. Everest, creating a powerful new record as the first Indian woman to reach the top of the world.

For her stupendous lifetime’s achievement, Bachendri Pal was awarded the Padma Shri. She is also acclaimed in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Mountaineering and river rafting – Bachendri pursues her life’s passions even today, as she spearheads several only-women expeditions across the formidable Himalayan outdoors, and trains youngsters to surmount their fears.

Why we find her inspiring?

- Because she is fearless and daring and stimulates us to seek ‘the adventurer’ in ourselves

- Because she exemplifies the proverb – when the going gets tough, the tough get going

- Because she galvanizes women out of their comfort zones towards new and gigantic feats

- Because she proves that with single-mindedness, no challenge is insurmountable – be it scaling mountain peaks or defying the naysayers.

Suggested links

The Inner Himalayas

Values stronger than steel (video)

Pic credit: http://nameisbond.files.wordpress.com/

By Anita Iyer Narayan

There is a thin line between stupidity and insensitivity. I think I crossed it the day I said, “I have to go, it is getting dark outside” to the child I was reading to, at the Blind School in Delhi. “What is ‘dark’?” He asked very casually. This question has stayed with me for longer than I can remember. It haunts me still. I had tried to explain that I meant ‘late’, but I had meant ‘dark’, hadn’t I? What is ‘dark’? And why did it scare me more than it did him?

Somehow, it is really not about having special places for special people. That would be racism of a sort, wouldn’t it? It is about being able to share the whole world with them. [...]]]> EKansh, Pune is working towards the inclusion of People with Disabilities – something that needs awareness, acceptance and sensitivity from all of us.

By Anita Iyer Narayan

There is a thin line between stupidity and insensitivity. I think I crossed it the day I said, “I have to go, it is getting dark outside” to the child I was reading to, at the Blind School in Delhi. “What is ‘dark’?” He asked very casually. This question has stayed with me for longer than I can remember. It haunts me still. I had tried to explain that I meant ‘late’, but I had meant ‘dark’, hadn’t I? What is ‘dark’? And why did it scare me more than it did him?

Somehow, it is really not about having special places for special people. That would be racism of a sort, wouldn’t it? It is about being able to share the whole world with them. They have as much right to it as we do. Yet we decide what is best for them because we refuse to tap our hearts and intellect for ways to deal with their needs. We refuse to learn the languages they speak. Instead we try and come up with devices to make them as much like us as possible. We would do well to introduce Braille and sign language as optional subjects in school. We could have interactive workshops in schools and colleges where special children mingle with ‘normal’ children. But we’d rather skim the surface and do what we can, comfortably. I call us emotionally handicapped.

There is a world on the other side of the mirror but we prefer not to look. Perfect images, made to order, please our eyes so much more that we force parents of special children to sweep entire entities under the carpet with our insensitivity. We almost never see these children at malls and cinemas and birthday parties and parks. Why? I know they enjoy everything ‘normal’ children do, maybe differently, but definitely as much. Why do parents of these very special children rather they live in isolation or confinement than bring them out to face the world? What do these people fear?

Us.

And that, I think, is a shame.

The genesis of EKansh

I am Anita Iyer Narayan, Founder and Managing Trustee of EKansh Trust, Pune. We have, in the past few years, managed to touch several minds and mindsets in the effort to facilitate mainstreaming of People with Disabilities (PwD) via our seminar, job fair, workshops, lectures, calendars and other such tools.

Programs at EKansh

When I moved from Gurgaon to Pune, I was looking for something meaningful to do. So, I did the usual circuit of NGOs to see if I fit in anywhere and found that most required fluency in Marathi, and in spite of a Bombay upbringing, I am not extremely fluent in spoken Marathi – Chimanrao, GundyaBhau and Dhituklya* not withstanding.

Then I set about trying to understand the world of the Deaf…how do they cope without language? What is Sign Language? I remembered seeing a group of men signing and laughing out loud outside King’s Circle Garden as a child and wondering how they managed to communicate so much without saying anything at all. Amazing it was…and so I conducted a couple of sensitization programs for the hearing with a team of instructors and interpreters in the Indian Sign Language from Mumbai.

Can you believe that Indian Sign Language is not recognized as a proper language in India yet? There is no standardization though one visit to a school for the hearing impaired will reveal that all the kids there can sign fluently. They are dissuaded from signing so that they can fit into mainstream society; sometimes even punished for trying to communicate with their hands. Our weekend introductory sessions to Indian Sign Language aim at letting Hearing People get a peek at this silent world.

From information to inclusion

EKansh was supposed to remain a repository of information and carry links to all news and organizations that had anything to do with disabilities. It was also supposed to be a place for families of PwD to chat and find support. Suddenly the website decided to step out of the screen when I saw kids learning Karate in my society and I read up about how it can help children with disabilities. Our first event was a Karate Workshop for special children. However, the response was tepid to say the least and I put that idea on hold.

And then something terrible happened. My maternal grandmother took seriously ill. She would throw up blood through her mouth and nose – she had what was called fundal varices, the result of the steroids and other drugs she had taken for her chronic asthma. During one of her bouts, we had to call the ambulance and when it arrived, the wheelchair wouldn’t fit into the building elevator with an attendant! She had to be brought down three floors on a makeshift stretcher in full view of other residents in the building. The absolute disregard for the dignity of an elderly human being on the part of those who designed and constructed the building was appalling! What if someone died on the top floor and went into rigor mortis before the family came? What would be the weight of the body? How would they bring it down? Where is the respect?

So I got together a team and organized a competition for students of architecture in Barrier Free Design. I thought it would be best to sensitize them at an early stage. The prize giving ceremony was followed by two days of sensitization about different disabilities and issues. Since then, EKansh has not looked back.

Today, our ‘repertoire’ includes Weekend Sign Language Workshops for the hearing, lectures and workshops for students and teachers of architecture in Barrier Free Design, awareness sessions and material for slum and rural dwellers on disability prevention, detection and early intervention, job fairs for People with Disabilities, general disability awareness sessions for corporates, clubs and training in soft and work skills for People with Disabilities. Our aim is to ensure that awareness, acceptance and sensitivity come before inclusion, as we believe that inclusion via policies and laws will only be superficial.

The journey is long and winding and support is always welcome. We welcome all contributions – of time, effort and funds. Our website address is www.ekansh.org and you are welcome to contact me at info@ekansh.org.

* Popular characters from Marathi television programs