Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Parents who can look at the new generation, without wearing the blinkers of an earlier one, forge a healthier relationship with their children.
“Goodness! What was her mother thinking when she let the girl go out dressed like this?” was the audible whisper that I heard behind me.
Since I am long past the age when I need a parent’s nod for what I am wearing, I assumed that it was aimed at the young girl walking in front of me. Clad in a mini-skirted one-piece, which was strapless with precariously high stilettos on her feet, she looked lovely. Only moments ago, I had in fact, admired her poise as she swished ahead of me.
As I drew closer, I realised with a pleasant jolt of surprise that this was a girl that I saw regularly on her way to her college. A student of business management, who also worked part-time, I normally saw her in a more circumspect avatar.
It was evening time, however, and she was quite obviously, on her way to a party.
I turned around and sure enough, recognised the source of the catty remark, as well. It was a couple of my ‘neighbours’; women in the habit of passing remarks about everyone. Particularly venomous were the barbs aimed at the female sex, particularly young girls. Girls pursuing a career, actresses wearing bold outfits on screen, women involved in demanding careers, busy working mothers – no one escaped their scrutiny or judgement. There was criticism of the parents of these girls, as “they had lacked in their roles as guides and disciplinarians”.
A case in point was this girl, who was on her way to a party. Although she belonged to a conservative community, she was taking decisions about her life and career that were breaking the mould. Within her own extended family, she surely faced censure and criticism. She surely did not need to be judged by some ‘aunty’, who barely knew her.
The girl turned around as I approached, her smile of recognition dimmed by the glance that she cast at the duo behind me. It made me realise that she had overhead the poisonous comment.
Pausing, I waited till the gossipy neighbours drew abreast of us and loudly, said, “Hey. You are looking great. Wish I could have worn something like this when I was your age.”
It is the absolute truth.
Time was, when we were growing up, we were at the mercy of opinions at large. It may seem facetious now, but back then, it was a rare middle-class girl who would dare to wear clothes that attracted comment or attention. Our hair-cuts, our style of walking, even the volume of our laughter had to confirm to certain rigid standards. Many of us had to change our career paths and alter our likings to confirm to societal expectations.
Looking back, I realise that that we and our families had to conform to these norms of society; sort of like the colouring books that children use. Colour within and do not venture out. Do not buck the trend or else….
Did these ladies who were expressing their opinion so freely, forget that they had been young once? That they had sighed over an unattainable matinee idol, envied a certain girl for her haircut and wished to have a similar one? Maybe they had secretly wanted to dress or wear make-up like the female stars of their generation? Did they remember that they had perhaps been denied a school trip or a career choice by a family elder merely because they were female? Perhaps they had wept secretly when they were compelled to give up their schooling early and enter into matrimony?
Why does each generation of parents forget that the next one is similar and yet different?
Each succeeding generation is fundamentally the same; have the same dreams, aspirations, hesitations and fears. But they are also different in the way they reach out for these dreams and aspirations, and tackle their fears and hesitations.
Women today are getting better education, choosing unconventional careers, have a fabulous sense of fashion, are financially independent and wonderfully ambitious.
Parenting is fraught with so many uncertainties that it is idiotic to deny your children their freedoms. Commenting on a girl as well as her parents on the basis of her dress is so myopically uninformed that it is hilarious.
People who persist in doing so do not know what they are missing, because they are looking at the new generation while still wearing the blinkers of the earlier one.
Parents who overcome this barrier have a healthier relationship with their children.
As for the part of the initial comment that wondered what her mother had been thinking, I am sure that the primary emotion that she felt was pride.
Pic credit: Racingmix (Used under a Creative Commons license)
read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
Please enter your email address