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The loss of loved one stakes a toll on women’s health; sometimes books can help when dealing with the grief.
The loss of loved ones takes a toll on women’s health; sometimes books can help when dealing with the grief.
By Sandhya Renukamba
During times of extreme or sudden stress, shock is a defence mechanism that the body brings up. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle. But, after the initial shock wears off, denial can take a toll on women’s health. For life to go on, and get back to normal, dealing with grief is essential – working through the inevitable feelings of bewilderment, anger and depression that loss can bring.
Indian women often find that friends and family are a source of great comfort in times like these. Books, too, can offer that extra helping hand when dealing with grief. Many of us turn to our scriptures, as faith can work wonders. Vibha Sharma, a fellow blogger from Chandigarh, lost her father in her late teens. She says, “I picked the one (book) which I had complete faith on – the Bhagwad Gita. Though I could not understand it much, it did have a soothing impact on my disturbed mental state. Reading it over and over again made me realize the logical setting of the stage which is called the world”.
The first book here takes a hard look at all religions and their role in coping with loss. The rest are non-religious, and have each helped some Indian woman I know to deal with grief, and heal in many other ways.
Author: Arun Shourie. Publisher: Harper Collins.
This is an intensely personal book that explores the belief in a God. The author, a well-known thinker, journalist and politician, is also a father to a special child. He takes an intense and very practical look at the scriptures of almost all religions of the world.
He questions the idea of an all-powerful God and his role in the suffering of humanity – questions that arise in the minds of anyone suffering and desperate for convincing answers. Why did this happen? Why me? Is there something that I have done to deserve this? Why does God not do something about my suffering?
Mr. Shourie suggests a way to heal: “There is pain and suffering around us, true. But so are joy and laughter,” he writes. “Empathise – not feel sorry for – get into the skin of, and feel like the person must feel.”
Authors: Pat Schweibert and Chuck DeKlyen. Illustrations: Taylor Bills. Publisher: Grief Watch.
This is the one book I would recommend if there is to be just the one, for anyone dealing with grief or loss – either due to bereavement or any other upheaval in life.
This book is suitable for children (children too, feel grief and need to mourn their loss to heal) as well as adults. It puts across that it is OK to grieve, and that there isn’t any right or wrong way to do it. Everyone grieves differently, and that’s how it is supposed to be. The book gives very practical insights and suggestions both for the person dealing with grief and for the person who is lending support.
Author: Ann Hood. Publisher: W.W.Norton and Co.
In this novel, Mary Baxter is devastated by the sudden death of her only child. She is unable to go to work, to socialize or do anything that would help her to overcome the unbearable pain. This strains her friendships and puts her marriage in jeopardy. Her mother persuades her to join a knitting group.
There, she makes new friends, who all share their own stories of grief and bereavement. Their understanding and companionship, along with the knitting, helps Mary heal, bridging the gap between giving up on life because of her loss, and starting to live again with happy memories of her daughter.
This is one of the many books that helped Indian Home Maker, a fellow blogger from Delhi, who lost her daughter Tejaswee a couple of years ago, to cope with her loss. The trust set up in her memory has been an inspiration to many of her readers.
Author: Martha W Hickman. Publisher: Harper Perennial.
This book has daily messages with practical suggestions – taking one day at a time for dealing with grief. The brief meditations and quotes are just right for those who may not feel up to a lot of reading; the book can be dipped into at any place for some inspiration and solace. The author wrote down her thoughts and feelings daily for many months after her daughter’s death, and much of the book has been written from those jottings, along with relevant inspirational quotes.
Author: Louise L Hay. Publisher: Hay House India.
Indian women often get a low deal from life, and often feel helpless and powerless. Also, characteristically, there is a tendency to put women’s health last. Bereavement can add to the needless suffering. There is the need then, for something that puts the power to mould their life in these women’s hands.
With its positive messages, this book is the most life-affirming one I have ever encountered. Putting the positive out there puts it in the realm of the possible – no matter what your previous life-experiences. This book reaffirms the belief that healing the mind can often lead to healing the body.
Have you read any book that helped you when you were dealing with grief? Do let us know in the comments.
*Featured image credit: Arinas74.
In her role as the Senior Editor & Community Manager at Women's Web, Sandhya Renukamba is fortunate to associate every day with a whole lot of smart and fabulous writers and readers. A doctor read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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