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Life after divorce for women in India is not easy; here are 5 ways in which the lives of divorced women in India change.
Divorce, divorce – the big ‘D’! It’s often pronounced ‘dievorce’ in India. Makes me wonder – could this be because in our country, it is the big ‘no-no’, the end of life in society as we know it?
“When I first contemplated leaving my husband, my friends, educated and independent women, proffered advice in the form of dire warnings. ‘Don’t even think about it. It’s not worth it; this will seem like nothing in comparison to what you will have to go through’. They were partly right. It is tough, but you survive it. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, and eventually you feel much better for having taken that step rather than continuing in a situation that is anathema to your soul,” says Kaveri Choudhury, University Professor and mother of 2 grown up boys, who left her husband at the age of 45.
What can you expect if you decide to step out of your marriage?
1. Living standards plummet
Your living standards drop because the money available has been halved and the expenses have risen – one establishment has been split into two. Jyoti Chatterjee’s* husband decided to leave her and move in with his mistress. As a nursery school teacher, living in her own apartment with her 11 year old son, Jyoti did have the means to survive, but there were many things she could suddenly not afford or had to think twice about – like holidays or getting an air conditioner in her living room. “None of them necessities, considering I had enough money to put food on the table. But…at a time of emotional turmoil like a divorce, one can do with some creature comforts to cheer oneself up,” she says.
Jyoti was lucky. There are others whose lives change completely in terms of the kind of homes they live in or the amount of housework they suddenly have to do. After all, a spouse, even a bad one, shares half (more or less) of the chores with one. It’s hard but you do eventually find less expensive ways of enjoying yourself and you learn to strive harder to earn just that bit more. With this comes that sense of satisfaction that you ‘did it on your own.’
2. Children lose the plot
The children, if there were any, start acting up – doing badly at school or college, being socially inept and quarrelsome.
Divorce means that a child’s world falls apart and the two people he/she loves best in the world don’t love each other anymore (Read, Parenting While Going Through A Divorce). This is devastating knowledge for the child who will be afraid, angry, depressed, rebellious or guilty and will act out these emotions in one way or another. This is a time when children need extra care and more attention. Be honest with them about what is going on and encourage them to express their feelings.
Don’t presume that it is better to carry on with the failing marriage in order to protect the children. If you cannot mend your relationship, it may be best to move on, because children sense what is going on…
Don’t presume that it is better to carry on with the failing marriage in order to protect the children. If you cannot mend your relationship, it may be best to move on, because children sense what is going on…
Don’t presume that it is better to carry on with the failing marriage in order to protect the children. If you cannot mend your relationship, it may be best to move on, because children sense what is going on, they know when you are not truly happy and the pretense of a false marriage is also detrimental to their well being. Handled sensitively and with an awareness of the inherent difficulties this stumbling block could become the irritant in the oyster of your child’s life that turns her into a pearl.
3. Social pariah
You die socially when you are divorced. This may seem like a small thing and for some it’s not that important. But if you are a social being and sensitive, you are in for a few nasty surprises. Your common friends may choose to invite your ex-spouse and ignore your calls. Ouch, that hurts! Your own mother may speak up on behalf of the one you left, pointing out all your flaws in an unloving way. Take all of it as information. Those people were never your friends in any case and now certainly cannot be. At least you now know exactly what your mother thinks of you. And the good thing is, you will make more friends.
You will meet like-minded people, those who have been through similar experiences. So perhaps it’s the universe’s way of getting rid of the deadwood that you wasted time on. When it happens, laugh and carry on. There’s a better, truer friend waiting round the next bend.
Anything male prowls around you suggestively (and if you’re a man, everyone is suspicious of you because you’re such an oddity).
You are single but not ready to mingle and are flummoxed by the kind of unnecessary attention that you are suddenly getting. It can make you very uncomfortable and unsure of yourself.
Sandy Khanna*, a self-aware and reflective sort of person, spent hours ruminating on her attire, the subconscious signals she may be giving out and a host of other things till she came to the conclusion that it was not her, but her circumstances that made her so interesting. At first she was depressed, and a little afraid of being such a target for intense attention. Then she decided to enjoy it. Instead of dressing down to avoid being noticed, she dressed exactly as she wanted to and bloomed in the extra sunshine, taking it as the ultimate compliment.
Time heals everything and as you get used to the new you, you start enjoying solitary restaurant meals and learn to identify mindless teenager laughter as not being directed at you.
Time heals everything and as you get used to the new you, you start enjoying solitary restaurant meals and learn to identify mindless teenager laughter as not being directed at you.
5. Loss of Self-confidence
Your self-esteem plunges new depths – you haven’t been able to make your relationship work, you are very wary of relationships and yet you would like to be in one because that’s what you’re used to. If you haven’t had the good fortune to get a divorce by mutual consent then you’ve been dragged through the divorce courts and undergone tremendous character assassination.
On your bad days you wake up and see couples everywhere. You cannot bear the weekends because it’s about family time and you don’t have any unless it’s your turn to get the kids. You avoid malls, shops and cinema halls like the plague because you feel that everyone is staring at you and your singleness. You want to eat a Chinese meal and all your friends are busy with their husbands, brothers, parents or other friends. You defy convention and go anyway. You hang your head into your bowl of Won Ton soup, feeling the waves of pity from all around you. And you’re sure that group of teenagers is laughing at you. This too gets better.
Time heals everything and as you get used to the new you, you start enjoying solitary restaurant meals and learn to identify mindless teenager laughter as not being directed at you. You order a big meal confidently and eat it with relish, avoiding eye contact with beer swilling single males but unafraid of their curiosity. And you get the left-overs packed to take home.
In short, you enjoy life…again, stronger, more confident, poorer but with a wealth of rich experience. If you have to, go ahead and do it. You won’t just survive – you will thrive.
*Names changed on request
A freelance journalist and teacher, Kalpana is a feminist, an animal rights activist, passionate about
Thankyou.I have been married for ten years.My husband is going to leave me soon to be with his mistress of 6 years.I have a 5 year old daughter.I am going through a very bad phase in my life..i still cant believe it has happened and my loving husband has been cheating me for so long..it happens in movies…the truth has not sunk in yet but i cry so much..i have been living in false paradise..i feel like a fool..reading your article has helped me on my journey towards healing.
Dear Unlucky Wife. I feel for you. I am divorced myself and was abandoned in the US by my ex when I became clinically depressed and unable to function effectively. I will not tell you that life will get better or be easier.
I will tell you though that divorce is a great opportunity to discover your true inner self. Not the woman you became after marriage and motherhood, but the person you always were, as a young girl and a dreamy teenager.
Life after divorce is not easy, but it is not difficult either. In many ways, as married women, we lived somebody else’s idea of a good life, we were pretending to be happy as women.
Divorce will allow you to reclaim your original self one whose worth is not derived from a mangalsutra and a miligram of sindoor. Use this experience to become stronger, more resilient, and to learn first-hand, the infinite hyprocrisy of Indian society. Divorce will tell you really cares about you and who doesn’t. Use this lesson wisely and rebuild your life around the things that really matter to you. Hugs
Dear ‘Unlucky Wife’ who is turning lucky now that you’ll be freed from this man who doesn’t value you.
There IS life after divorce and you WILL be much stronger for it.
During the first early dark days I found it very helpful to read blogs like these and to interact with other divorced people, men as well as women. Because men going through divorce are just as vulnerable and often just want someone to talk to, and are rarely the wolves they are painted to be.
I write at Women’s Web and at my other blog http://divorceddoodling.wordpress.com/
I left my husband just last week and have felt nothing but light, young and free. I had a very abusive mother-in-law and my husband refused to recognize my suffering.
I am still young (26) and finishing my MBA. I have moved back into the hostel and spend all my time with my single friends. I dress up like crazy now and enjoy the attention I get.
Overnight my suffering came to an end. She’s not my problem anymore and I don’t need to worry about what she will say or do next. And how can u miss someone who put you through so much and refused to acknowledge your pain?
Everything always works out for the best 😀
Hi Sonal….Im happy for you that u have taken a decission…I have a child and i want to quit my husband…but worried where both would stay…i can earn myself as im educated….do u know some place where mother and child could stay safely
my good wishes for u sonal…………
n enjoy life in ur way. 🙂
Are you really happy ?are you not missing ur ex spouse?
I respect all divorcee lady its very painful, I need a lady for frndship/ marriage I m 41 divorced hindu punjabi guy live in india. Decent,fair sensitive person
hi everyone…i m navika, have a son 2 n half year old.yes,my life hs also been miserable. i want someone to talk to.i want to have a friend especially a divorcee as i think he or she wud understand me and vice versa.my in laws r very greedy.they want to have all my husband’s salary as he earns very well.they created enough misunderstanding between me n my husband that he left me n filed divorce case.he never saw us (me n son) after he left home(actually run away in night).he never took any of my calls after that.i dont want divorce because i want my son to have a father.i wish he wud come back some day.i dont know if i wud b able to trust him again but i cant take my son’s sadness when he sees other children playing with thein dads or sitting on their lap.he doesn’t even know what a dad means.
I feel ur pain navika…..dont bother about a person who has left u….ur son will hate such a person when he grows up….live ur life happily with ur son…do ur best for ur child…..
Recently Indian Rajya Sabha has passed a bill that women divorcing is also entitle for the property of the husband. Before signing on the divorce papers you are requested to take all the entitled property & cash. Divorce is a very painful episode in the life of a women which I can realize very much. You are requested to remain busy in your work.
hi i am 30 in age. i am facing tough phase of my life. i got married last year. It was love cum arranged marriage. I was very happy that i got a loving and caring husband which i always wanted. But 2 weeks only i realised that my husband is no more loving and caring. I thought it was his office stress and ignored that. But 6 months back i came to know he was cheating me. when i opposed him he left me at my father’s house. My in-laws also supported him and said that boys can do affairs nothing wrong in it.
Now i filled case in court. Yet i am not able to trust that all this happened to me. I tried to restart my life but failed. I am nt able to concentrate anywhere. I thought that time will heal my wounds but after 6 months also i feel same pain.
all the best to all your endeavours. firstname.lastname@example.org
Life is full of surprises and both good and bad memories are part of our personality. I went through the same emotions that you are going through. I spent 6 months where I hardly slept or had proper food and was unable to concentrate on my job. And to think that it was an arranged marriage!
But finally I realised that each one of us is alone and we have to become our own best friend. I finally realised that I was free from the misognyst attitude of my husband, constant domination of my father-in-law and unrelenting scrutiny of my mother-in-law. I fought back against everything and came out a winner. Now, I take pride in being able to see through people. I am no longer the naive , trusting, gullible girl. I am able to appreciate the small blessings of my life.
Have faith. There are still good people in this world and what the heck!!!….Make your own self your best friend. 🙂
hiii.hw r u ,never leave hope,one of female frnd is suffering frm same sitution n she is having patience,so belive in god,n tk care
All the best mam
felt really bod to know your life.
but u can still move ahead n lead a comfortable life.
Hi ! I got married in 2007 , separated in 2008, Full divorce in court settled in 2010. 2 years of hell. I was coming to terms with this new life- got a new job in a city -lived in hostel – decided i will marry again only if i find the right person. Changed job for better salary – about to go to US when blood test done by company showed that I have HIV !!!!! My life is broken again. My boss is very supportive -treating me like a father- gave me leave to adjust and arranged doctor appointments- says still i can get all i wanted in my life. But i cant see life at the end of this tunnel. I cannot contact my husband or his family – he lives abroad now – he may have had blood test – not sure. I am sure this came from him because i was physical with only him.But after going through everything in my life – i feel i should not blame him.May be i was very ambitious or confident or arrogant that i can achieve anything in life. I dont speak to my parents – dont have any contact with any other relatives. Feel all alone in the middle of 1.2 billion people.
Sahana, I truly feel for you. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to deal with divorce and HIV. If you wish to vent or need a shoulder to cry on, please write to me at email@example.com.
I do not know nor understand why some of us are condemned to suffer the consequences of other people’s mistakes; perhaps it is karma, perhaps its just sheer chance…who knows.
I realise that in our society, most people, family included, shun you after divorce. So us divorced folks can offer each other support and succour. Take baby steps to heal our wounded heart and souls.
I wish you luck and the courage to conquer the challenges life has thrown your way
Don’t worry Ma, this is not the end of life, long way to go. there are so many things you can achieve. My prayer are there for you.
Hi sahana need feedback, am new to this review and commetns and am also applying for divorce, as i seen in above message from others, there is message posted from Terasa typed like this Dr OCUSODO help to restore relationship back,so i decided to give it a try so i contacted the spell caster called Dr.OCUSODO and explain my problems to him…. is it true or fake i want to understand, even same in other blog also some lady posted about Dr, voadoo, your feedback is more important to me. i cant post directly since they are also posted in the same blocg so am texting to you some others also to know the feedback.
Its not their that only man are cheaters, I am a 27 years old guy(Presently). I got married in 2010 Feb when i was around 25 years old. It was a arrange marriage and all went well at that time. I am a engineer working in a MNC and earning good. For throughout my life i never had any girllfriend or so. All love kept for my wife. I had done my best,love her so much, took care n respect of her.
After six months i got to know that she was cheating me, when i oppose her reaction was very bad. when i talk to her family on the same, they started blaming me only.
they started harrasing us and started blackmailing that i would give them 20 lacks rs otherwise they will do dowry court case against my family.,
God knows the truth, she had destroyed my life, I went into depression for one year. I dont know i have n everr cheated anybody, why this happened to me
Now again want to live life, want to have true love, family, kids….. Feel very lonely
Lets see what god has decided for me, i have given my life in his hands.
i dont know why God missmatches the couples.some guys are raelly loving but their wifes dont understand that,inturn harrase them i pity.for girls who expect love they dont get
life is like that!. i still love my wife yet getting nothing in return. Anyway i wish everyone all the best & also request once also look at the reasons, may be you too 50% at fault…. may be you can make things better after discussing……..
Im one of you. Going thru divorce. Feeling of rejection, fear is still not sinking in.I know deres light jus the other corner but nva expectd this will happen to me. Its not a social tabooo any more i guess but still dont hvae guts to face the world alone. Jus not able to accept the fact dat il be my husband very soon vl be my ex husband….I luvd him truly but they betrayed my trust used me for dere benefits….
every nite i swear tom vl be better den today…bt jus cnt stand by my wrds….feel pathetic:-(
Hello Trisha. I’m divorced myself. If you ever feel that you are in need of help or support, drop me a line. Unfortunately, I do not know of any online support community for women in India. In its absense, we can perhaps offer each other support online. Drop me a mail at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
To women who are going through divorce right now, life gets better ladies. Stay strong, believe in yourself and live life with as much vigour as you can. In many ways divorce is the wake-up call many of us need. It forces us to focus on the good and get rid of the bad. I’m a stronger, wiser and better person because of my divorce. My ex is also wiser and gentler now than before.
There’s always a silver lining to the darkest of clouds. Dont give up!
Divorce is a painful reality for middle class families now.For women, it is more difficult because of the social stigma attached. I am a working woman who minds her own business. Yet because of my divorcee status, people spread wrong rumours about me which has put my safety at risk. It seems like women are always hounded, whether they are single, married, widowed or divorced.
And it seems men and women have become devoid of dignity, honour, respect.
I would welcome the day when human beings get controlled by machine, a la Matrix. 🙂
live ur life bindaass…bcoz their is a love in world…..
no love in this world…only need fulfillment is their…need=love….mom dad,brother sister,pati patni…..xyz only need not love….:)
Hi. I am suffering from a cheater husband.i cant leave him as our child is 8 yrs old .i cant spoil childs life. I agree with u. But i dont know how can i enjoy my life.
POOJA, I agree with you love is nothing in this world. Everybody use this word according to their wish.
hii pooja call me my number7004660597
Hi, i am 35 and having a daughter of 5 yrs. Life has been miserable with several ups and down . got married in 2005 and since then my husband and his family was very dominating. Always insulated my parents . My mother in law has problem with me since i have been visting my parents. My husband is also unpredicatable sometimes he behaved very nicely and sometimes very arrogantly. he blamed me for all his misdeeds. Last year he left his own house and filed a divorce without any one knowlege and is not saying any reasons for the same. His family pressurizes me to make him come back to his house . They say that they support but it never showed . They all are on good terms with him but i felt to be leftover. he never cared about his daughter. Whenever my family members try to ask him the reason for his act , he always tells them to give me some time to rethink of the discission. i am stuck in my matrimony house with no love or care . Dont understand what to do . I and my daughter are going in very bad phase of life.
DEAR NEHA…one suggestion i give u..be selfish i ur relationship..do not leave ur in law`s house…be take decision according to selfish ness…..jase to tassa….be sure in termss of roti kapda makan…donot cry face this sitution care fullyyyyy ..smartly….i m like u faced alot of problemss…be selfish……plz yadi koi baat buri legii to sorryy..
Dear Neha …. felt very sorry, but y donot u move on & file for out of court settlement, in which u will get a house 7 maintainance for life time. I donot think ur husband will ever come to u. Life is short, so move on & enjoy ur liberty.
Neha , First you immediately file a case against your husband under domestic violence act. You ask for compensation & maintenance. You don’t believe on your husband , he will not change his attitude. He is always acting on the tunings of his parents. No court will give the divorce to any person without your consent. Only supreme court is empowered to approve the divorce without the consent of the wife. You intimate to the court about all the mental & physical ill treatments committed by your husband.
so bad dear
Neha just cme out of dat house anyhow else u n ur daughter wil go into depression….plz
I am XX, 31 years old man. I got married recently with a girl who was working in Mumbai but from a small town. Soon after marriage, she told me that I like someone else, and never wanted to marry you. She refused to have any kind of relationship. As a result our marriage was not consummated. I called her parents, after requesting them, they came to my city – Bangalore. She told me that I have told several times that I don’t like you. But then I told that ok we will try. Her mother left, who is a gazette officer. Later on, my parents came, they started cooking for us. Earlier, We used to go for all the movies in theatre- it’s expensive in Bangalore. Her salary is lower than me, but she is from a rich family. Later, I will say something honestly- I need a woman who loves me, who thinks that I am someone special to her. My friends used to ask me, you might be having fun. I knew from my inside no emotional love, no physical love. Indians don’t have any hanky-panky life before marriage. They expect this in first night or shortly. I was frustrated. She went to her hometown, and was not interested in anything. I asked her, if you think me as a husband then only comeback, otherwise don’t. So, Finally she left me. She came back to pick up her luggage. She was happy. Now, we have filed divorce. I feel positive that one day she will realise her fault. But I don’t know whether I am correct or not. But, She is looking excitingly for divorce. So, I also feel it is better to leave this woman. I am not against any woman. I respect woman. But, Why it happened to me? Is that I am missing something? Why I couldn’t turn her for my side. Will she think about me ever? I want to know how such type of personality thinks? What I should do? I am frustrated by my failure. I am not from a society where divorce is common. I am the first one in the family. She is happy, she has lots of friends. In fact, when she was here, she was sad. She wanted to leave our house as soon as possible. She is a complex person, she claims that she is a good actor. On first night, she said ” I am experienced”. From her physique, she doesn’t look experienced at all. She was telling lie to turn me off. She went with me to Europe- honeymoon which was sponsored by her brother. In the entire trip, she was cursing me and was saying, I am missing Mumbai and my friends. I don’t want to be with you. We have a age difference of 4 years. I need ur people views on it. Why does it happen like that? Please tell me. Am I missing some basics? I am depressed. I feel pity to see my mother and father. They are very sad.
Hi…..please don’t b depressed….. everything will b fine….. if she doesn’t likes u then no use thinking about her….b cool….even I’m in d same situation….I’m unable to forget everything but I’m trying to…….u r quite innocent… k….have hope in life…u feel good about yourself…. I’m nine years younger than you…. just think how I’m facing this situation…..I’m not advicing u but sharing my thoughts…that’s it….
Really hat’soff to you, I don’t knw how do you face all this.
Still we pray for your bright future.
All d bst
Hi Ajay…i am going through exactly the same situation …I can understand your pain , at the same time I can understand her feelings as well…She was forcably brought into this relationship …as she already like someone else, she can never like you ..she will tend to compare you with him and will always find the other guy better ….it s going be toughest phase of her life too as she really wil not be in position to have physical relationship with you …you are expecting too much from such a woman who can never ever think of you in her dreams …I suggest you to leave her alone …it s fine, her biggest of life was getting married to you …she might never wanted to hurt you by doing this …due to some pressure, she might have taken this decision ….but since now all has happened …there s no option other than divorce ..,whatever happened let it go as s bad dream …I undetstanf there is lot of challenges you and she needs to face…but you both cant lead your life together though !forget past and think of your future.
Hi , I got married in 2010. He started troubling me with his words , actions and arrogance since day one. I never opened up because it might lead to war of words.Rather it would be great if i keep my mouth shut. ! he took advantage of it. I thought this is what life is and started compromising myself. He has biological problems and not fit for family life. Even then i did not open up assuming i can adopt an orphan instead. One day suddenly he reacted violently and had spread a rumor that i have an illegal affair. Every one in his family supported him. No one objected him. Once very nice , calm ,amicable girl has now become a devil to them. I lost trust on him and i came back to my home. I am working and i can live independent. He left me alone and started living separately. I need divorce from that Arrogant / Rubbish husband. I am not bothered about the society since none of these social persons have come to rescue me when i am in trouble. I am 26 now. I believe i have more life ahead and don’t want to crib around him requesting him to be with me. There is no meaning for our relation as it was purely artificial and no exchange of feelings. I requested for MCD. Waiting .. how it goes .. ! I am damn happy now ..
hi priya first of all i wish u for leave them. ur life will be happy. when i read ur post i astonished b’coz what u’ve faced is similar to me. am also 26. there is no life in this world for innocents.
Dear Innocent friends,,,
Please don’t equate innocence to foolishness… Don’t be foolish… Life can only be as beautiful as you want it to be… stand up make life beautiful for yourself…BECOME apathetic to pain and any feeling of dejection…
Try meetup.com there are all women groups. They go out and enjoy…
PLEASE don’t do things to others that your spouses did to you… IGNORE THEM (its a matter of time)… continue being innocents(humans) but don’t be foolish….
All the best friends…
I understand and feel for you. You do have a life and a great one, ahead!
This happens with many. The guilt, takes the route of arrogance and the blame game starts. You just got to ignore the hurtful words and deeds…!
You said he is not biologically fit… You can get your marriage annulled on the grounds of impotency, if you can prove that he is unable to have normal bedroom relations…! You don’t even have to file for divorce. Your marriage will get annulled and you will be declared single .. again…!
Just dream about your life ahead and forget the dreadful and leave those shadows behind…
All the best and have a great life ahead…!
you can keep in touch …
Dear All i am also a victim of Hindus marriage act of divorce.Just at the age of 30 Years.Married with fraud family,they always asked me amount .
Even they have told me lie about her education ,age health problem.
But just one month before i got relief from same and now i am so happy.Wants to enjoy my life.Becoz i know how i got this.
Now i am intrested to marry with a decent educated lady even with child no problem but faithful is compulsory.I am working in MNC and wants to become IPS office.Pls
hi am 26,MCA graduate.i got married in last year. before marriage i didn’t love anyone not have more friends. it is arranged marriage. stay with him only 3 months. we didn’t speak with each other at least like neighbors. if i spoke with him he use many bad words. not respect anybody including his parents. not follow any morals. totally mismatch marriage. he is not a caring person started torture after two days of my marriage. i didn’t believe these are happening to me. got aborted at that time i faced many rude behaviors from him. more painful days. my in-laws said men are like that u need to adjust with him even if he go with any other girl. i never argue with him for anything. Am a only daughter to my parents. my dad support me for every problems. that is why am still alive.
my in-laws and my husband shut me in a room and tortured me for a week at that time i didn’t have phone also. at that time i thought my life is over. i will not helpful to my parents in anyway.
unexpectedly one of my husband’s relative came to home i shouted for help me. he called my parents and told happened problems. immediately my parents started journey to my husband’s home which had six hours travelling time. there was no hope for me to live.
at last i relieved from them it is like film. now also he is troubling me to give diverse quickly. heart full of pain.
unable to forget everything… y these are happened to me i don’t know. please suggest me to leave pain from my heart…
I m 28, married 2 yrs back….love cum arrange marriage…but all love was suddenly lost after mariage…my mother in law is very cruel n greedy….uses abusive words but for my husband she is a Godess…he alwys supports her….
One day I came back home from office late due to some urgent work..he called my parnts and said I m a prostitute and many more abbusive things about me and my character…I went back to my parnts home…my parents councelled him n then he took me back to his home…then within one month he his brother and mother literally threw me out of the house…..I never went back after that….it has been one and a half years now….I live alone……he does not want a divorce ….. and he does not want to live with me also….its painful…feel that my life is stuck….cant move forward…..
you are still 28, dont be stuck, just enjoy life or serve the society. go to some ngo and help people and roam around with friends or just get a good guy and marry again. if you get bored write to me on email@example.com
Dear – it’s a game of god and our karma. It’s one stage of life which everyone has to go ahead. Never loose hope work hard, we wish you all gud luck for your future.
I need some advice. Mine was a love cum arranged marriage. Though I lloved him a lot, I never felt him reciprocate. He was always chatting with other friends who r girls and is an technology addict..doesnt have a stable job. Not interested in physical relation with his wife. His parents are separated and his mom uses me as a target to remove her frustration. He almost threw me out of the house and called my parents to take me back
But my parents didnt intervene so I had to stay back. Finally I took a job and am away since 8 months. He got a job here but refuses to join me..sometimes says he will come. .
My life is so uncertain and even after 4 years of marriage I am yearning for attention. I find myself being atttacted to other males.
Please advice..social problems stand in the way of being bold nd applying for divorce.
Our society has never been easy on divorced women (men). Women today are not only surviving divorce but also leading quality lives after the experience. I loved your interesting take on the various aspects of the subject and the coping tips.
I am 32 year old men and working as a Engineer in MNC on very good post. I got married on 2012 and mine was arrange marriage. In Indian society, We always seen that men are cheater and they are not responsible family person, but it is not at all true.
After two months of marriage , my ex-wife did not want to live with me, her parents forced her for this marriage. She always denied for sex with me. Because of this after three months of marriage ,me and my ex-wife went to my in-law home but their, they alreay know the mentally unstable behavior of her and told me this would not be happened again.
And I came to my home with my ex-wife in hope that this would be the end of my family life quarrel. But after that situation changed dramatically, She was torn into very arrogant and always hurt me by her low level word.
She was forcefully living with me because of her parents and after the patch I became the father but did not find any change in my wife behavoiur, after motherhood it was became worst for me. She never allowed me touch my daughter and always told me that the kid is not yours , if you want to prove this then go to court and prove it. After hearing my wife’s statement, I got shokced and paralyzed for some time.
After this I had invited her parent to come to Pune and solve this puzzle. But they ditched me ..no family member from their side came …they are lair and I got cheated by my in-law. I called her uncle and told them I don’t want to live with her, They took her and filed false cases on me…
Now I am fighting the false cases. For someone mistakes I am suffering …. Now I want to ask you tell me what is my fault ? …I lost… and I have been cheated by in-law. And Indian society always blame men….now I want to move out form this problem …..and I want to start the new life…ans I don’t want such type of lady in my life …and I am rigorously waiting for you reply about my post.
Welcome to your reply..
Hi kiran I can very well understand your feelings coz I have seen my uncle’s situation jus like yours. Have patience and have faith on almighty.
hiii, i just read about you, you should stop being a victim in this marriage and stand for yourself. if the child is yours keep her, if not file a case against your wife for cheating you can prove it in court. alll the best listen to your innervoice stop being a victim
Hi Everyone, I am 29 and married from one and a half year. I am totally confused aboit my life. My inlaws have cheated on me … my husband was in my college and liked me and he asked for my hand directly to my parents and hence, everyone considered it to be love marriag. His family also liked the alliance and went ahead with discussions. Then before marriage they asked fr dowry in the form of cash and car and my parents agreed even after my refusal. After marriage i moved to a different city as my husband was qorking there. After some months only they sold my car and jewellery without letting me know… They are in huge financial losses and never told us…. I came to know that they have lended money from so many peole and have asked my dad as well.. Now I even dont trust my husband as well and in huge depression..
Please suggest what to do?
I am 31 and married from 5 years. I have a 4 year old son. My in laws cheated me and my family. his family told us that he was currently doing mba but in reality he was not even graduate. I give money to him for his graduation. His family never support me in anything. After 2 months of our marriage he left his job. he continue his job just for 2 or 3 months. in 2.5 years of our maariage he hardly work for 6 months in total. My parents setup his business so that he can work. but he not interested in it also. He never give any importance to our son like he never care weather my son does his homework or not. He take advantage of my son. He told me if I so something he take my son. Now I am working. he want to take my money but I refused to give him this time. He always verbally abused me but this time he physically abused me. What Can I do now? I feel lonely from so long. I Need a husband who love and understand me . But here I got a husband who is arrogant, think he is god.
What can I do?
My husband and I are going through this divorce process and it is for good as we both were miserable and deserve to be happy. Like everybody marriage started out great and then couldn’t realize how and when it fell apart. At this point, just need an advice from people who went through same. How do you face society and people who do not accept you as divorcee.
Hi I am jyoti 26 year old and married when I was 23. I am a mother of 2 year old girl my situation is that my husband is somewhat psycho he always argue with me for the things I never did. He pressurize me for everything. As I mentioned earlier that I was been married in when I was 23, I don have any specialised degree and I am just graduate, my husband physically abuses me because he thinks I don’t respect his parents. I told my parents about this and they are supporting me and saying to file a case of domestic violence and divorce as well. Now my problem is that as I don’t have any degree how will I survive and how will I take care of my daughter. I won’t get any job I am very much disturbed how will things work for both of us for me and my daughter. I don’t want to compromise with this devil but I don’t have any financially secured future what shall I do. Please help and suggest I am the youngest women in this blog so thought for some nice advice
I know u r too young but the same happenes with me so better is start new life with someone else who is also divorcee and having kid because when the situation is both side same then only u an survive I think, I am also looking for anyone.
Hi all, I am 51 years old facing divorce after 25 years of marriage,just because now he finds me incompatible !! Wonder how he survived all these years!! He is doing this after I pardoned him for all his affairs previously ! I feel devastated , confused and fearful of future , please help me with your inputs,
Hi Vijaya, I can understand your agony. I am undergoing divorce as my husband was a closet gay and it’s been 3 years now. Please take care of your health, join yoga classes or do yoga and sorround yourself with caring people . Also write your thoughts in paper and address your husband with all your feelings and burn those pieces of paper. Engage yourself in creativity and work. People spend a lifetime and die with hatred I am glad that you got freedom while alive. Regards and take care.
i also going through worst phase in my life. After completing 4 Yrs of marriage our relation will end soon. I am very shock coz my husband decided all. He send me notice when i came to meet my parents. He gave me so much allication which is wrong. I dont knw why he dont want me in his life. I have 3 Yrs dd. I am emotinally broken..plz help me
Hi I can understand what pain is my husband and in-laws always tortured me and my family .I got married before 4 years always wish things will be changed but i nothing had happened .I was domestic violence victim coz of violence I got my gallbladder surgery ,they sent me to mental hospital when ever they wish they throw me out I use to sit in parks bus stop my life is so terrible and my own family is not happy to take me.I am so alone everyday when I go for work they accuse me that I am slut .I am mba but now I feel so inferior I feel like I kill myself ..I am so alone I don’t know where is God I hate this life…
So sad pam. But i thinks now its always better to spend life alone rather than spending with such jurks.. But divorced procedure i am feeling some tension that what is exct happend..
Hi, i am 30 and having a son of 5 yrs. Life has been miserable with several ups and down . got married in 2006 and since then my husband and his family was very dominating. Always insulated my parents . My mother in law and my jethani has problem with me since i have been visting my parents. My husband is also unpredicatable sometimes he behaved very nicely and sometimes very arrogantly. he blamed me for all his misdeeds and wrongful allegations. april 2015 he left his own house and filed a divorce without my knowlege he never cared about his son. Whenever my family members try to ask him the reason for his act , he always tells he wants dovorce only , he is too clever he showed himself vacant from money, all property named on his big brother. my all jewellery taken and said I am flee with someone else, now he is saying me to get from my house with ur children. i am stuck in my matrimony house with no love or care . Dont understand what to do . I and my son are going in very bad phase of life.
Why should women suffer like this. why don’t we come outside this shell. Is marriage everything in life ??????. I don’t think so. It is only a small part in our life’s journey. It is like a lottery. It works out well for few and doesn’t work out for few others. It has nothing to do with whether a women is good or bad. It is just that the marriage lottery did not work out. In western culture, women never go into complete depression if marriage doesn’t work out. They go and meet new people and see if someone else could become their long term friend. But, in our culture it is called as dating and they look up to it as a major crime. It is not dating. It is not something that is done just for fun without seriousness. We have to find a good person who can be our long term friend.
i got married this april 2015 likjewise every girl i had store all my love from so many years for my husband and what i get return is his physically unfitness,uncaring attitude .if i say that he is a black mailer too it wouldn’t be wrong as he shows all my wats app messages ,sms to his family and more strange fact is in those sms and messages there is only love and the questions regarding his uncaring atitude towards me .Everytime when i ask the reason he ignore and change the topic and says he loves me but his actions speak totally opposite than his words.His parents shield their son’s physical unfitness and put all blame on me and when i said him that why he don’t stop and say anything to his family on their allegations upon me he became silent or again change the topic that he loves me ..He never calls me and if i say why he says he is too busy to call
i feel dejected and sad that my husband is physically and emotionally dead for me and also been failed in maintaining her wife’s dignity among his family. Itried hard and with honest efforts to become a good wife and a good daughter in law but these people take advantage of my goodness and emotions .now i have decided to get legally separated as i don’t want to live a life full of disgrace and with a person whom i can never share my pains,secrets as i never know when he made them public .i am lucky that my parents are with me but i am feeling very depressed that due to me first time they have to bow their heads among our relatives and society.if i go with my husband for my parents sake then its only at the cost of dignity and self respect.But i had made my mind to get separated but my husband and his family is not ready till date but i had made my mind to get separated and life my life all alone with self respect ..
i need your suggestions and advice on this
and also what to do after this trauma as i am totally blank …
Hey everyone I’d like to say that I’m also going through hell… I’m 28 yrs old n a foreign return girl , I got married in 2011 and it was a luv marriage (7 yr long affair) I was treated like a princess by my husband the way I wanted….but right after marriage I found out my husbands three married sisters were at home n I was tortured by my husband his 3 sisters his mother and his grand mother….. I gave birth to a son but still they didn’t luv me. They made me their servant and I was working in a company too. After my sons birth they made me leave my job In the “one and half months ” period after baby was born I was not allowed to eat as much as I needed to….not allowed to watch tv….not allowed to see myself in mirror brush my teeth and worst of all my husband was not allowed to see the baby or sit with me in one room,My husbands sisters introduced him to all of their cheap female friends and he was a womanizing playboy ….And life is a bitch…. Never expected that when I would get separated, people would treat me in a way that I would feel like I’m a freak…… No sympathy no luv no friendship , people only want to judge divorcee girls n even ur bestest friends seem to disappear… people are so brutal…. IT REALLY HURTS……why r people so mean?????? my neighbors don’t want to be friendly with me and in such a time u need support and love. Neighbors actually come to me and say mean things about my marriage …My parents r there for me..I’m raising a beautiful baby boy alone n I’m stronger and hoping ppl will change but they don’t…..I was never mean to divorcees before my marriage in fact I treated everyone so beautifully……. N I still do…
b strong …dont loose ur faith n hope for better life…..time wil change n eveerything will b better…..if u want to talk n share n feel need a friend then feel free to mail me on firstname.lastname@example.org
Call me 8800997121 have fun n fndshp
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Om jha maithil ke naam par dhabba chi ahan.
I am 32 working independent women …I am also going through with same situation. …filed 498a aganist my husband…it’s very painful decision for me because i took care of my husband lik my baby…but unfortunately our 6.5 years marriage is going to end in this way. He loved and married me ….his parents are against from the beginning. …suffered a lot by them. He is having all bad habits including ganja. He met with major accident spine cord injury after one year of our marriage due to heavy alcohol influence. Doctors said he will never walk again in his life and told me to take decision. I decided to stay and be with him till my last breath and from husband he became my son and my main responsibilty in my life. His parents tortured ad cursed me because of me this happened to there son.they fighter and left me alone with my husband. My family supported me in this situation morally and financially. I was alone …took care of him and never made him feel along. I used work at office and handle him and house hold work by multitasking.by gods grace he started walking .I felt like how moms feel when their kids start walking for the first time. He became independent started going for work…again suddenly one day I saw him started his bad habits. ..my life again took u turn physical mental abuse. …by him .to make my married life work I left all my desires a side….I took his dreams as my own and took house for him. To impress his parents. So mhuch hell sleepless nights so much pain weeping etc etc….his parents again started coming but for only there son.they wanted separate us and they won this time . He forgot all my love affection care. …he started speaking like parents. …he hitted me and assaulted physically. .. after doing all these I am left with pain …no trust no love …what men want ? I lost trust on men ….even after doing so much …I have treated like this. Now my family doesnt want to get into all these cases etc. …..they wanted me to stay calm ….but i decided to fight alone….I waited for him and his family for one month requested and tried to explain ….given one more chance….but havr seen different personality in my husband fir the first time…..I filed a case alone fighting for divorce….I need just peace….I just lost hope…. and trust in God. First he took.my mom away now he made my life like this…..
I am just tired of fighting with life from so many years with lots of struggle twist and turns where always I end up with suffering.
Read the blogs here and felts very bad about our society. Is divorce only the solution for all the ppl here. All are just taughting just divorce.
I saw most of the ppls are having kids over here. Have you ask yourself how you feel if you don’t have your mummy or daddy anyone of them with you. How you feel.
I really feel today’s world we all are very cunning ppls. Just thinking of ourself. I know you all might be right but for all ppls here the solutions is just divorce.
No no this is not for all. Ya very few will be the solution I. E divorce but other cab over come this divorce. It’s only you indudial have to work out. It’s your life so I request all of you to thinks what’s good for you and your kid. Don’t listion to other or go in their influence. If divorce is the solution you might be thinking then never get married again in your life.
Like you all I am also going from the same situation. I too have kid. I fighting positively for the success for all our 3 ppls of my family. And with your all blessing I will be successful ya it will take time. Maybe 2 yes 5 yes or 10 yes more. But will never give up.
Sooo dear friend divorce Is not a solution. Specially if kid is involved.
SN – I wish you luck. It is your choice but you have no right to question other people’s choice. If husband and wife cant see each other eye to eye or aren’t just happy with each other; I do not think it is a very conducive environment for kids to grow. They see and they learn and it will impact their relationships. If you think your marriage will survive go ahead give it a try. I did, but in the end ran into same situation again. So, I chose to be out of this relationship. If I had a kid, it would have helped me take the decision quickly because I do not want my kids to be like their father.
so dear friend sometimes divorce is the best solution for kids also. Keep an open mind. Think carefully about your kids, their education and their wellbeing. Be confident as a mother and a woman to make the right choice.
i have been married for 12yrs now…..got very good MIL and SIL..the problem was with my husband….left many jobs never took care of me..didn’t show any love towards me…in 12yrs of marriage v would’ve spoken things worth a month…i slipped in to dipression and now filling a divorce
I am contemplating my options. After 12 years of marriage and 3 years of virtual courtship I am finding it so hard to cut the cord. I recently quit job to be a wife and try motherhood only to find out about his second affair with my friend that went on for 6 months. for many years my work has given me strength and helped me through bad times. Now, I feel powerless.
I hope I will get a job soon and take some necessary harsh decisions.
Today i am really happy to share my experience with you people as i had shared my sad story of ongoing divorce with u on dec14,2015.
The day when i first write my story here is very painful and sad but today when i am sharing my experience i am really at peace both at my heart and mind.
During this period of time i had found my talent, my goodness more clearly and had grown into a more stronger and confident person . About people opinion or society dear friends we should never worry if we are on the righteous path,ur righteous atitude one day make them for a change in their mindset but for that u have to believe in urself only u can change ur destiny. Never blame God as u r the god’s fav child and he knows that only u r the person who can go through all these tests as all these tests are meant by god to check whether u still live ur life with his teachings . To be in pain for a person that hardly don’t bother about u and ur dignity is wasting ur precious life .Divert ur emotions towards your career. You will feel confident and a feeling of happiness start developing in ur heart which calms ur mind. If u start thinking that u r now alone, think of serving the needy people it really brings a smile as they r in need of love and u r in need of sharing ur love. so in this way u both fulfil each other’s purpose.
So dear friends
i want to here share the quote of Swami Vivekananda
Arise,awake and not stop till the goal is achieved.
Life is not all about marriage and its never the end of our life,we all here are meant for a reason
Choose a reason that makes u happiest in terms of a person
Grows u,boosts u and makes u a better person.
Only u can give ur life meaning.
Let us all together put our 1st step towards a beautiful reason that god has meant for all of us.
God Bless u all and gives u the happiness and love whom u deserve including me too
Thanks for these Amazing uplifting words. I needed it as facing second divorce. God bless you.
I got married when i was 25. it was an arranged marriage.My inlwas and husband mentally tortured me. my husband put so many restriction on me, like it is wearing clothes, or going somewhere, things were getting worse day by day and i left that home after 3.5 months of marriage. my husand and his family never tried to talk to me after that. after having discussions wid his family we filed divorce by mutual consent. i love my husband truely,thats why i am not able to forget him . in august our divorce will be final. please guide me how to escape from this trauma
Hi Isha, im also going through same situation. im 27 years now. pls do reach me we both can take a good decision.
Hey isha,m sorry to hear what you are going. i wouldnt know what exactly are you guys going through.but i really feel for you people.i have seen people separating.and separating is never good.
If ever need someone to talk feel free to email me email@example.com thank you.
The best way to beat love is by falling in love again!
Hello .. I am veena …
I did arrange marriage everything was well …but me and my husband thoughts were never the same… I look forward for equality but my husband is dominating and had thought that I should look after home first and my job is secondary…… initially everything was good but since I am short tempered and speak out whatever comes to mind easily without a second thought… after 5 months of marriage my husband beaten me up..but thinking of parents I gave him a chance . Now after a year of marriage.. my husband doesn’t find any interest or any romance and he keeps insulting and pin pointing me for a silly reasons. There is no attension towards me so I am hurt. last month I was so irritating with his ignorance that I was angry and asked him do you want me or no.. Then he started beating me so badly…. he could not ot control his anger because my voice was on high volume. I am with my parents now….. it’s a month he did not call or message me and my in laws blaming me rather than taking my side…. I have decided to divorce but still I love him and I have feelings for him so finding difficulties to be firm on my decision. I know he is not ot right for me since he don’t. Respect me. I am stressed
Hi …I am a single parent of a 11 year old girl,who got legally seperated from my ex-husband 3 years back.For 5 years I lived in denial that my partner was cheating on me for the fear that my child would loose her father.Then I WOKE UP & realized that a bad relationship is worse than no relationship.Today I am single,still wary of men(I don’t trust them),but live life with dignity.Yes,I DO MISS FAMILY LIFE but its better to sleep at night in peace rather than live in constant doubt & apprehension…
hi i hope u are happy and enjoying ur life with fullest……not all men are same….some are good …….they also go through the difficult times because of their wifes also….dont have thoght that all men are same…….feel free to mail me on firstname.lastname@example.org if u like to share the experience
Think twice before get marry, but don’t think for given up.
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I landed up on this blog searching for “how women feel after separation”. I am currently going thorough a separation phase after 10 years of marriage. I am blessed with 2 cute sons. I constructed my own house in early 30s in the city like Gurgaon spending mine and my father’s life long savings. I am the only son of my parents. I am not a drug addict. I do not smoke. I drink occasionally. I do not go out often without my family. Like every other common Indian man, I also had a dream of having own home, own car and a happy family. Somehow, I could not achieve my dream of having a happy family. The own home and own car really doesn’t matter without a family. As every other household, we used to have arguments on minor issues but things got worst when my wife started involving her parents on each and every minor thing in our household. The issues are less between me and my wife but more between me and my in-laws. They instigate my wife every time rather than helping us to consolidate our matters. I am working at very reputed post and belong to a middle class family. I also helped my sis-in-law and bro-in-law to get a job in my own organization. Now despite of all this my wife filed, entire set of matrimonial cases against me and my family. She herself mentioned that she refused to sign the papers 3 times and ran away from lawyer’s office. She also mentioned in front of Judge that we have issues on minor things. That means someone pressurized her to sign the papers. Such situations do not come due to issues on one side. In my case we both are responsible. She feel, she tried her best. I feel i tried my best. She feel I am responsible for this stage. I feel she is responsible. Even after these cases, I tried my best to save the relationship but they took my emotions as my weakness. After that I fought hard and saved my parents, my sister and brother-in-law and myself from those cases. I also denied to bow down to blackmail threats in the mediation. After, going through so much harassment, I still want my wife to come back as we both know that we still have soft corner for us. Most importantly we love our kids. But trust is broken to a big extent. I want to save our relationship but I don’t know about my wife. Truly speaking now I am kind of scared. The unfortunate is that I can’t even speak to her under these litigation. After I started winning the cases I got compromise message through some known people whom I don’t trust much. This is after they tried everything possible to hurt me and my family. I don’t want to compromise but build relation by speaking to her directly. We don’t have any common friend whom we both trust. The worst thing happening to me right now is this dilemma to bring her back or fight the cases. She didn’t file divorce and even I don’t have any plans to file divorce. We are living in the same house. I am focusing very much on my kids at the moment. Friends says that it’s a big risk to bring her back but the only thing come in my mind to bring her back is the line from a bollywood song “tere hee hathon likhi shayad tabahi meri”. I know it’s just 1 percent of entire story that too from my prospective. Her prospective is entirely missing. Still want to ask, what should I do? This stress of not accepting the fact that i could not achieve my dream of having a happy family is killing me. Should I take entire blame on myself?
People who are unhappy in their marriages often speak of feeling trapped. They yearn to be free from the tension, loneliness, constant arguments or deafening silence but worry that divorce may not be the right decision. After all, they took their marital vows seriously. They don’t want to hurt their spouses. They don’t want to hurt their children. They panic at the thought of being alone. They worry about finances. They fear the unknown.
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I got married in September with lot of expectations. After few i got to know my husband has NPD characteristics. He used me to abuse emotionally by taunting my parents does not give respect to him as my father did not stand while he is coming inside. He usually tell that he will not do what i says. He likes bachelors life only. for small misunderstanding he left me in my home. only 50 days i lived with him. after i left he now blames me that i left him. now it had been almost 7 months gone.. he talked to me in phone for 2- 3 times in these days. He used to drink weekly and smoke minimum 7 cigarettes per day in home itself infront of me.. he knows that i don’t like these habits.. i cried, fought a lot but no change.. Now my family got to know these issues when i came to my parents home.. my laws tell that he will change in some days..as he is one child.. he can adapt with partner or in married life.. he does not realises his mistakes.. broke my trust completely.. he told that he will smoke and drink before marriage.. On 2nd day of marriage he started to drink in front of me.. I did not tell anything to my parents because i does not want to hurt them and my husband reputation.. If one day he return back what i should do.. My fear whether he does same once again.. My and my husband thoughts everything were different. he does not respect me and always denominate me..Once again i will not trust him.My life is in dead end.. one i should accept my husband and adjust it as my fate or to end my marriage life… please some one help me… i want to happy life with respect,trust and understanding.. .
I got married in September with lot of expectations. After few i got to know my husband has NPD characteristics. He used me to abuse emotionally by taunting my parents does not give respect to him as my father did not stand while he is coming inside. He usually tell that he will not do what i says. He likes bachelors life only. for small misunderstanding he left me in my home. only 50 days i lived with him. after i left he now blames me that i left him. now it had been almost 7 months gone.. he talked to me in phone for totally 2 times in these days. He used to drink weekly and smoke minimum 7 cigarettes per day in home in front of me.. he knows that i don’t like these habits.. i cried, fought a lot but no change.. Now my family got to know these issues when i came to my parents home.. my laws tell that he will change in some days..as he is one child.. so he can not or dislike adapt with partner or in married life.. he does not realises his mistakes.. broke my trust completely.. before marriage he told that he will smoke and drink occasionally.. On 2nd day of marriage he started to drink in front of me.. I did not tell anything to my parents because i does not want to hurt them and my husband reputation.. If one day he return back what i should do.. My fear whether he does same once again.. Me and my husband thoughts and everything were different. he does not respect me and always denominate me..Once again i will not trust him.
My life is in dead end.. Either i should accept my husband and adjust it as my fate or to end my marriage life… please some one help me… i want to live a happy life with respect,trust and understanding.. .
I am 58 years old but am physically strong. I want to get married. I want a woman (unmarried, divorced, widow, separated) of 40 to 50 years – who is ready to stay with me forever. I am earning quite handsomely now. I promise to really love her a lot and care for her. But only after meeting and both of us satisfying that we can adapt to each other. Call me on 9011810001.
When it’s over When you split up, you may find it very hard to let go of your ex-partner. This often happens when one partner is keener to end a relationship than the other. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important.
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